Vegan.

I did not grow up in a church that intentionally celebrated Lent. In fact, I didn't even know that Mardi Gras had any religious implications or that it was connected to the Lenten season.

However, as an adult, specifically in the past 5 years or so, taking time during lent to focus my heart has become a cherished tradition for me. I find it a refreshing way to consider my faith anew... and to recognize God's ultimate sacrifice.

The question each year is always: what?

This year, Savannah and I have decided to become vegan. Which, yes, means that not only are we not eating meat, we aren't consuming any animal products, including dairy and eggs.

Recently we watched a fascinating and compelling documentary called Forks Over Knives. The movie examines the profound claim that most, if not all, of the degenerative diseases that afflict us can be controlled, or even reversed, by rejecting animal-based and processed foods. Bold statements. Boldly presented. We weren't totally convinced, but we were intrigued.

Trying out this animal free diet for Lent seemed like a reasonable way to give it a shot.

And so, since Wednesday, I haven't eaten any meat, cheese, milk... even my beloved coffee creamer, because while it claims to be non-dairy, it contains a milk product called casein. Can't drink it.

A few thoughts early on:

• I could VERY easily become vegetarian. I don't miss the meat at all.
• It's MUCH better to focus on what we CAN eat, rather than what we cannot eat.
• I love, and miss cheese. Good cheese is one of life's simplest pleasures in my book.
• Black coffee is yucky. It took me three days to find a vegan creamer. It ain't Coffeemate, but it'll do.
• I love beans. Always have, but I don't cook with them much. Now I'm eating LOTS of beans and they are yummy.
• Dining out on a restrictive diet sure reduces your options. Not a lot on menus for vegans, I'm finding...
• The internet is my friend. I have found TONS of recipes that will help us get through these next few weeks.
• I don't expect I will lose any weight on this diet... it's possible, but not likely.

And now I'm heading out the door with Asia to go to Flamin' Joes for a birthday party. Won't that be fun?

Do you celebrate Lent?

Transition

I am a person mired deep in a need for security... and I am easily fooled into believing I have it when my circumstances appear stable.

I am learning this about myself as Asia and I walk through the process of transitioning our source of income from one that's been easy and secure to one (two) that is variable and uncertain.

Having lived in the same house for the first 18 years of my life with parents who avoided change, I have little experience with this sort of evolution... in the 20 years we've been married Asia and I have only moved five times. I like constancy. Security. Comfort. Stability.

Now I'm being asked to trust. Trust that God will continue to provide in light of risk and instability and uncertainty.

Now I know - the only reason we have had what felt like security all these years is because God has provided. Jehovah Jireh and all that. I know it intellectually. But it's darn easy to be fairly convinced that a good, secure job excludes the need for Jehovah Jireh. Which is, of course, ridiculous. And arrogant. And probably sin.

So as we walk into this unpredictable season of faith, I struggle.

I struggle to maintain calm... to trust and believe what I know to be true instead of what I feel.

Because what I feel is afraid.

Precarious.

Unsettled.

I can't rest for very long on those emotions without crumbling into a heap of anxiety - which isn't condusive to holding together any semblance of order in a household that tends to rely on me to set the tone. (Darn them...)

Scripture brings relief from my racing fears... everytime.

Matthew 6:25-34

    “Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?    “And why do you worry about clothes? See how the flowers of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you—you of little faith? So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own."

Asia is ever-patient with me... and is so good at pointing out false thinking and bringing me back to truth.

I am so thankful for a patient and loving God who walks beside me, gently whispering in my ear:
"I never change."

I so want to bring Him honor by continuing to offer my life up to Him.

And so, breath by breath, I offer my fears and my uncertainty to the God who rules the universe.

And I trust.

Even when I'm scared.

I will trust.

43 and counting...

This week I had a birthday.

Forty three years old, I am.

For some reason in my mind I have skipped a year and keep thinking I'm 44... and then I have to subtract and remind myself.

It's been quite a year - my 43rd year held not only a trip to Africa with my family, but a huge milestone in personal fitness in my half marathon... two things I never would have imagined myself doing ten years ago.

This year promises to be another crazy ride...

The older I get, the more I study myself... striving toward growth... pushing myself into being stretched.

I now find myself an 'older mom'... with the distinct privilege of encouraging and loving on younger women... sharing life on life how God has brought me through the challenges of many years of parenting.

My marriage has lasted almost 20 years... and I find myself blessed to be more in love with my husband today than I ever imagined. He continues to be my best friend, greatest supporter, biggest encourager, most favorite person. As we grow older together, I anticipate SO much adventure.

I have a career happening that continues to take me by surprise - I never imagined myself working this much and being this content with being outside the home... I cannot get over how blessed I am to do something I believe so strongly in... and that seems such an ideal fit for my personality and strengths. I LOVE my job. I LOVE working. Who knew?

I am fortunate to have three amazing kids who talk to me... share their hearts... tell me stories... don't shy away from serious soul searching... laugh with me... include me... make really smart choices... I am surely one of the luckiest moms.

I have three sweet boys across the globe that I get to love on and pray for and pour into... three sweet boys I will travel to see as many times as I can over the course of my life... three sweet boys who love Jesus and have the potential to change their country. Three sweet boys who have taken my heart to places I never knew it could never go. And one sweet boy who continues to show me that there really is NO end to the resources God gives us to love others... I can never exhaust it... never run it out... never stretch it so far that it breaks completely.

I am learning to lean into friendship... to cherish the women God has placed in my life... to embrace companionship and not be fearful... to open my heart up to the softness of female uniqueness again after being deeply wounded in this area. I am honored to have several patient and understanding women in my life who have gently stepped into my heart and begun to plant themselves there with very little expectation and lots of compassion. I am so thankful for this process.

So - this is me at 43...

• I understand my personal style,
• embrace my unique set of gifts,
• count every day a blessing,
• hold tight to the promises I know to be true,
• let the small stuff stay small,
• refuse to compare,
• push hard against complacency,
• don't pretend to have it all together,
• strive to live in each moment,
• I recycle,
• I drive carefully,
• I don't make my bed,
• and I only wash my hair every other day.

Thanks for liking me, reading my thoughts, being my friend, holding my hand, being part of my life. I appreciate that for some reason you're along for the ride.

Smooches.

Ten on Tuesday

1. Seriously, Pinterest. Who knew I would end up organizing my ENTIRE freaking life on this one website. I have almost every good idea ever known to man all saved up on this one gorgeous, amazing site. It's scary and wonderful all at once. If I ever get around to using everything I've saved there, I'll think I've died and gone to heaven.
2. Case in point: THIS SOUP. Truly. I've made it twice now. To rave reviews. Kyler even said "Mom, this soup is fantastic." and then declared it second only to his very favorite meal of all time, African Peanut Stew... and this kid has never liked soup. Thank you, Pinterest.
3. Tomorrow is my mom's 70th birthday. I have a little something special up my sleeve for her... unfortunately, she won't know what it is until the day after or the day after the day after her birthday because I'm terrible about getting to the post office. So goes the curse of having a birthday on the 1st of the month... every year it sneaks up on me. (Love you, Mom!)
4. If tomorrow is my mom's birthday, that also means my own birthday is soon... just a week later. I try not to do this, but every year the anticipation of my birthday inevitably leads to a teeny bit of disappointment. I always want it to be this perfect day... and more often than not, it just ends up being a normal day. I've had some pretty monumental birthdays in my past... with amazing celebrations... so I guess the bar is set pretty high. This year, I'll be busy with some pretty cool non-me-focused activities on that day... which should be okay. (See numbers 5 & 6.)
5. I'll be going to a Go Red for Women luncheon with my dear friend Julie on the 8th... she had a heart attack in November of 2010... and has an opportunity to speak next year at this luncheon. She asked me to accompany her and I'm honored to go celebrate her life and the lives of other women survivors. 
6. The 8th is also the date for the annual Rubber Chicken game between Lewis & Clark High school and Ferris - their rival. It's the biggest spirit competition in the state of Washington and is one of the most fun events of the year in my book. It's just good, clean, spirited high school fun. I think I'll take some pics this year and post about it...
7. Asia continues his journey toward self employment as a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist. He's taking a class online right now that gets him one step closer... and I'm days away from getting my official full-time, benefit-carrying status with Weight Watchers so when he quits the State we'll still be insured... it's a crazy ride we're on, but also a VERY exciting one. It's thrilling to see how God is providing for us. And such an honor to walk alongside Asia as he steps out in faith...
8. One of my very favorite mom-things is sitting on the front porch waiting for my kids to get home from school. Obviously in the winter this doesn't happen a ton. Today, however, the sun is out and I'll be there. Snow on the ground or not - I'm there. It's amazing how warm 50 feels when it's been in the 30's.
9. Work has been SO crazy. Good crazy, mind you. Last week, the center I manage had over $5000 in product sales. That's crazy. Good. 
10. Savannah has decided to try golf in the spring... her history teacher is the coach and is recruiting pretty heavily to get some freshmen on the team. We'll see how it goes - I have NO idea if she'll be good or bad or what... but I'm glad she wants to try. I'll keep you posted...

Happy Tuesday, friends. Smooches!

An ode to my girl...

My Georgia girl...

always looking out for others

jumping in where there are needs

diligent and hard working

careful and considerate

kinder than I've ever been

cowboy lovin'

quiet

observing

guarding her heart with wisdom beyond her years

goofy

quesadilla lover

sister

spanish prodigy

quick learner of life's lessons

soft hearted and teachable

sweet, sweet Savannah

my Luba*

*Mende (Sierra Leonean tribal language) for 'blessing'

And when she said she planned to blog in the new year... she probably didn't realize that she would be working 50 hour work weeks for the first two weeks of 2012...

Officially the longest blog title. Ever in the history of Thoughts from the Deep Recesses.

Yes. Work has been insane.

You see, Weight Watchers is opening new stores all over the country. And my store - the store I am the Location Coordinator of opened January 2nd. After being told it would open January 9th. And then January 4th. And then a wedding on New Year's Day in Portland when my nephew married his beautiful bride, Annie.

And then our computers weren't working at the new store. And that was a crazy experience, processing the crowds and crowds of new year's resolutions join-ers... without the convenience and speed of our computer system.

And of course, I volunteered to oversee our Housewarming event. Which was last Saturday.

And now, this week is what I think is actually going to be a 'normal' work week.

And now, I can blog.

Twenty-twelve.

For the first time in four years, I don't have a MAJOR goal for the new year.

I have lots of goals... like eating five servings of fruits and vegetables every day... and running another half marathon... and continuing to be very purposeful about giving things away and saving for another trip to Sierra Leone in 2013...

But no hard and fast "I've got to accomplish this this year or I'll consider myself a failure."

I did those, you know, the past three years...

• 2009 - walk every day
• 2010 - not buy any new clothes all year long
• 2011 - walk/run/bike/log at least 500 miles of activity

This year I'm taking a more relaxed approach. More of an 'I'm going to strive for these things... but I'm also going to be flexible this year' approach.

Last year was awesome... what with the trip... and the running... and the accomplishing those two huge goals.

But it was also pretty rigid.

We didn't travel at all - except for the 3 1/2 weeks we were gone. While the trip was amazing, not getting out of town for anything besides that was hard... we didn't see our family as much as we like. I didn't get to do any 'girlfriend' trips.

And the running thing - I was so afraid to fail my first attempt at running that I was completely anal about my training regime... and got really burnt out in the weeks before the half marathon... to the point where I just couldn't wait to get it over with.

So this year, I'm all about flexibility.

Sure, I hope to run another half... but this time I will be sure to incorporate some cross training.

And yes - Asia and I are planning another trip to Sierra Leone next year - which means we need to continue to be very intentional with our money and careful not to spend too much on other travel... but we've got some things up our sleeves and are looking forward to several trips this year.

I'm ready for this new year. I love January - with it's fresh start and it's crisp blue skies and it's shivery newness.

What are you hoping for in 2012? I'd love to hear about it...

Oh my goodness... look what's become of me...

Today I happened upon a lovely little blog whilst wasting time on my newest, latest internet time waster, Pinterest. And that lovely little blog inspired me to come on over here to my own very sad, neglected blog.

So here I am, wishing I had some lovely photos of something interesting to post.

But I don't.

I do have some words to share. So we'll go with that.

I remember when the kids were little I used to be jealous of Asia and his meetings. He would complain about how many he had to go to and how boring they were. I remember thinking how nice it would be to have someone think I was important enough to invite me to participate in a meeting. I was up to my ears in laundry and diapers and bored stiff by housework. Don't get me wrong. I loved staying home with my babies - but let's be honest. It's not rocket science. And it's not overly stimulating or rewarding on a day-to-day-to-day basis. Frankly, it's boring. And repetitive. And lovely in it's own mind-numbing way.

The other night as I was getting ready for bed, I remembered that young mom who wanted to feel important to someone besides sticky toddlers.

And I realized I've become this busy, depended-upon-outside-the-home woman who has meetings and trainings and huge responsibilities in her work...

Interesting how I've ended up here - it what has essentially become what looks like a career. (Which I never aspired to... but is my current reality.)

We are hoping Asia will be able to quit his job in the next year to be able to pursue a private practice in Marriage and Family Therapy. Which means we lose benefits. Insurance. Paid vacation. Retirement.

I've been blessed with a job I absolutely adore and an opportunity to go 'full time' so I can get benefits and provide in a new way for our family while Asia branches out and follows a god-given gifting he's wanted to use for years.

And so I work. A lot. More than I ever have - or frankly, ever wanted to.

Which means I don't cook a lot of meals... or clean very well, or keep the house running very smoothly... I'm learning to manage a household and a job (and not doing a very good job of it at the moment...)

Creative pursuits are limited right now for me.

And down time is rare.

But I continue to strive for some quiet... some soul-feeding activities... some peace in the chaos.

My introverted self still really revels in home.

I've got some plans for the new year to continue to grow and thrive in my new reality... which is so very different from my past.

So stay tuned.

It's going to be an interesting ride, this next year.

I can't wait to share it with you.

(And yes - I plan to share it with you. That's part of the plan... the 2012 Cathy will blog.)

Hemicrania Continua

Or, to translate, 'Half of my head hurts all of the time.'

I have had a headache on the right side of my head for over five years.

Never debilitating.

But always there. Annoying. Aching. Nagging.

Relieved easily with ibuprofin, but always returning as soon as the medicine wore off.

Every.single.day.for.more.than.five.years.

I've seen my primary care doctor, my dentist, two ear nose and throat specialists and one neurologist. Had CT scans and MRIs. And until two weeks ago, no one could find a cause.

But two weeks ago, a sweet neurologist spent 45 minutes with me... asking me question after question after question. Reading my MRI results. Doing neurological tests.

At first, he joined the others in telling me there really isn't a diagnosis for my symptoms. The MRI was clear. My symptoms were too non-specific... no real causes... no patterns. Apparently chronic, daily, all the time pain isn't enough to diagnose much.

Except Hemicrania Continua.

Which really does mean 'half of my head hurts all of the time' in latin.

And really does fit my symptoms.

The trouble with that diagnosis, is that there is no known cause and no cure. The neurologist told me the simple name means it's a known, medically acknowledged condition, but that they really don't know enough about it to call it anything else. Just like they used to call tuberculosis consumption because they could see it was something that 'consumed' the body... but they didn't really understand it beyond what it did. Maybe someday they'll have a better understanding of Hemicrania Continua. And a better name.

The good news? There is a totally effective treatment.

It means I have to take a pill every 12 hours. But it provides complete relief.

As in: no headache.

That's a GOOD thing.

Because after five years, I can take a little pill before bed and not wake up with a headache any more.

For five years, I woke up with a headache. Went straight from bed to the ibuprofin bottle.

Now I wake up headache free. And I start my day. And when it's time for my vitamins, I take my Indomethacin. And the headache doesn't show up later in the day like it used to when the ibuprofin wore off.

The Indomethacin doesn't seem to wear off. It just keeps the headache away. All of the time.

Now - would I like a cure? Would I like to find a non-medicinal treatment? Do I wish there were some sort of alternative to a twice-a-day med?

Sure.

But until we find that, I'm SUPER thankful that half of my head does NOT hurt all of the time.

So I'm thankful for Dr. Bender. And modern medicine. And finally, a diagnosis and a treatment.

Being pain free after years of chronic pain is really, really nice.

Ten on Wednesday because I ran out of Tuesday...

1. Kyler has a girlfriend. She is a senior at his highschool - a cross country runner - and is VERY, VERY pretty. It's very new - as in today is their one week anniversary.
2. Savannah turned 15 on 11-11-11. She continues to be a huge blessing in my life...
3. Trader Joe's has finally opened in Spokane. It's very close to me - which is a huge treat in a city where almost all the 'good' shopping is on the other end of town. Love popping in there whenever I need something but I'm still trying to figure out what they do and don't carry. Last night I needed cream cheese. Trader Joe's doesn't have cream cheese. 
4. We celebrated the one year anniversary of Julie's heart attack last weekend. I'm calling it her heartiversary. A sweet day to celebrate her good health and our little community of folks doing life together. 
5. Putting together a package for our three boys in Sierra Leone... and a few other kids we simply have to send letters to. Our family there grew so much... it's SO sweet to have such a connection across the globe. 
6. Worship time at church on Sunday is the one consistent time I find myself REALLY missing T... and Sierra Leone. I'm sure it's because life is busy and I'm distracted most of the time... but when I quiet myself on Sunday mornings I'm always hit with the longing for the other side of the world... it's a great picture of how we long for heaven - and the struggle to always keep the kingdom of GOD on our minds as we walk about our lives. Almost every Sunday morning I'm wiping tears from my eyes as I sing. It's a palpable, thick, tangible longing... sweet and sorrowful. How lovely it will be in heaven when we can all be together to worship.
7. E's upright bass lessons are going really well. He practices almost daily - I LOVE hearing him in his room playing his songs. It's fun to have a child finally really LOVE playing an instrument. The other two played, but never voluntarily. I think we'll probably be lugging a HUGE bass around for many years. I'm okay with that. What a cool instrument...
8. I don't have to cook Thanksgiving dinner tomorrow... I almost always do, so it's a huge treat to only have to make a pie and a couple of other things. Excited to spend the day with friends and family. I.am.blessed.
9. Work is nutso and amazing right now. I got an email last night from a former member who moved awhile back that totally reinforces my love for my job. Impacting people toward better health is an amazing privilege. There's a TON going on right now with Weight Watchers - it's super exciting.
10. Trying to decide if I want to do two half marathons next year... who is this crazy chick?

Happy Wednesday, friends. Smooch you all.

1000.

Amazingly, this is my 1000th post on thoughts from the deep recesses...

I can hardly believe I've done anything 1000 times... but especially this silly little blog.

I started this blog in March of 2005 - very reluctantly. I wasn't sure what I would ever post about... or even why I would bother... but I did it.

I only wrote two posts a month for the first two months... and then slowly my posts picked up speed.

Certainly, my posting has ebbed and flowed over the years.

Facebook gives blogging a run for it's money - and often things that I may have written about here became status updates instead... I prefer blog posts but realistically, find time for Facebook much more easily than I find time for blogging.

So there have been months when the blog has been neglected.

But it's still a big part of how I record life.

To keep with tradition, I'm going to do a Tuesday Ten of some of my favorite random blog posts over the years...

1. Letter to my 16 year-old-self
2. Growing Pains
3. The Mystery Underwear
4. Building Alters
5. Thirty-Seven
6. Here's What I Think
7. Africa
8. My Son
9. A Favorite Flashback Friday
10. Observations

And that only takes us to 2007...

And that's why I like blogging.

Thanks for sharing the journey with me.

Tuesday Ten

1. Ah, October. There is a tree I see every day on my way up the hill from downtown. Every year I say to myself how fun it would be to take a picture of it daily as it transforms from fully green to aflame in autumnal oranges, yellows and reds... and yet I never do it. Every year when I notice the leaves beginning to fall from it, I am sad that I missed the opportunity another year.
2. I watch the local evening news every night. I tivo it and fast forward through all the boring stuff. But I always look at the seven day weather forecast. Every.single.night.
3. Fall sports are winding down... Savannah has her last volleyball game on Thursday - Kyler has his last league meet tomorrow. He will have districts and potentially State still...
4. I was achy in the strangest places the day after the half marathon... specifically, my left shoulder and my right ankle. My left knee really hurt me from mile 10 to about mile 12 while I was running... I wonder if I was compensating for the pain in a way that impacted those two areas of my body. The shoulder seemed especially weird. But it was definitely sore... almost like a kink in my neck...
5. I've been struggling to find stillness in my life... was reminded by an old and dear friend recently how important it is to find that quiet... and am still not managing it very well. Part of it is added work responsibilities that are done from home... eating up a lot of my time and keeping me busy on days when I might have had time for peaceful pursuits in the past. I've got to figure it out... and in fact feel like perhaps this post-marathon time might be meant for just that... for stillness. Quiet... it's harder to pursue than more tangible goals. Have you found it?
6. I'm excited about a major blog-milestone coming up very soon... stay tuned.
7. The last time I went in for a haircut I was there before I was really desperate... which I thought was this cool pre-emptive strike, but actually ended up backfiring. My hairdresser thought everything looked great - the shape was still nice and it wasn't too 'bulky' (a major grow-out problem for my thick hair) so all she did was just the most minimal of trims. And now - here I am, three weeks later with 'bulky' shapeless hair... the hair that usually makes me call desperately for the first available slot. Lesson learned. Pre-booking is a waste. It's better to wait until it's awful. Because now I'm stuck with the awful for awhile. My hairdresser is amazing, but she's ridiculously expensive and I only budget for her three times a year. Bummer.
8. Parenting is simply the single most interesting and challenging thing ever, isn't it? I never cease to be amazed at how it continues to stretch and teach and push me to prayer, even after all these years. I have three of the most incredible kids ever and still there are days when I'm driven to my knees in utter humility... begging for wisdom. It's quite the refining experience...
9. Next year Asia and I celebrate 20 years of marriage. He's surprised me with pretty amazing vacations on our tenth and fifteenth anniversaries... not sure what to expect with twenty... but secretly hoping for something lovely. He's still my favorite person in the world and travelling with him is one of my greatest pleasures.
10. Our long-awaited Trader Joe's store opens in Spokane (only a couple miles from my house!) on October 28th. I'm sure the crowds will be ridiculous the first few weeks... hoping I can find a quiet-ish morning when they're less busy to go begin to fill my pantry with favorites I've only been able to buy when we've travelled somewhere with a store. So happy they're opening here!!!

Happy Tuesday, friends!

Half Marathon? Check...

Before the race with Julie, one of my biggest
cheerleaders on this journey

Sometimes I wonder how I get myself into things... I've discovered that I am ridiculously goal oriented in the past couple of years... which can be a really good thing. But it can also create these weird situations where I find myself doing things I never would have imagined doing.

This past Saturday was a classic example. Because I ran a half marathon. And I NEVER thought that was something I'd ever do.

And the craziest thing about it - was that it wasn't really that hard. It just took the goal... and the training plan... and the determination to not completely embarrass myself... because once I told people I was planning to do it, suddenly I had friends signing up to do it with me... which meant I actually needed to be able to do it.

And so I did it. And I actually enjoyed it a teeny tiny bit.

Kevin, another Spokane friend who came
to Leavenworth to run the half

There's a pretty remarkable sense of accomplishment that goes along with it...

Wade, Julie's husband and
my 'coach' (who finished
the half marathon in 27th place!)

Still fresh - around mile 3.5

Focused... around mile 5.5

Julie gets a high-five from her son

Going in for the mile 7 kiss from Asia...
still feeling strong - more than halfway!!!

The autumn colors were SO beautiful on the course

Coming in for the finish...

DONE!!! 2 hours, 18 minutes!

So now I can say I've run a half marathon. (And no - you won't hear me saying I'm planning a full marathon...!)

Ten on Tuesday - a return

1. Kyler is running varsity cross country this year. The varsity team is comprised of the seven fastest runners on the team. Never more, never less. I love the boys on his team so much - they have become a tight knit crew - working together to encourage each other through miles and miles of workouts, weekend trips, practices twice a day and often two meets a week. They spend a LOT of time together. And they're great kids. Two of the other boys have been running with Kyler since seventh grade...  One of my girlfriends posted on Facebook the other day "Going to cross country meets does a lot to restore one's hope in the next generation. Way to go to all those teenagers who inspire others through their fitness, hard work and sportsmanship." I couldn't agree more. I'm so proud of how hard Kyler works - along with all his teammates. I will be VERY sad when he graduates and I no longer have a reason to go to meets...
2. The Lewis and Clark Tiger Cross Country team is having a mixed year, in terms of results. They're coming off last year's unprecedented performance - when they took second at State, went to Nike Cross Nationals and placed 17th in the nation. That's a lot to live up to. They had 5 varsity seniors who graduated last year - so they're a young team. They're learning a lot and are ALL improving with every race. Kyler has gotten his PR for the three mile down to 16:52... down from 17:26 last season... really proud of him. (That's running 5:37 miles, for those of you who don't want to bother doing the math.)
3. I run about a 10:00 minute mile on a good day. So yeah, he's almost twice as fast as me. Of course, I'm more than twice his age too.
4. My half marathon is less than two weeks away. Eek!
5. Savannah has been playing volleyball. More on that soon. It's really a post of it's own.
6. Asia is doing well. Stuff at work has been crazy - which unfortunately I can't elaborate on at the moment. But he continues to be an amazing provider in the midst of some pretty crazy work-related stress. I'm so thankful for his commitment to our family and his faithfulness. I'm so blessed.
7. Ethan is enjoying sixth grade - where he 'rules the school.' Having been at the same elementary school since kindergarten means he knows the ropes... all the staff knows him... and he is soaking in all the privileges that go along with being on the top of the heap in terms of the student population.
8. I let go of doing the school newsletter at the elementary school at the end of last year after doing it for five years. It was a hard decision, but one I knew was best for our family as we are spread more apart than ever in terms of schools... I knew I would need the freedom to invest myself elsewhere... so I'm not at E's school much at all this year. It makes me sad, but it's a gentle, gradual transition away from our very successful time there. We'll finish out E's last year there and move on with so many happy memories. Plus, this way, I ended my commitment there on a high note, having loved the time I served there instead of doing one last year out of guilt or obligation and not finishing well. (Which I KNOW would have happened had I continued with the newsletter...)
9. Fall is definitely in the air... with leaves just beginning to be tinged with the faintest oranges and reds... it's so lovely. We had one of the warmest Septembers I remember here - so I won't complain about the sudden turn to cool days and even a bit of rain in the forecast.
10. Work is going extremely well for me lately - I've added two new job responsibilities in recent weeks - both of which can be done from home. It's about 7 extra hours of work a week - but I enjoy both roles so much. I am continually thankful for a job I love so much - and am SO passionate about.

Happy Tuesday, friends. Smooches!

Running. Still.

So, here's this crazy thing: I run.

On Monday I ran 12 miles. Twelve.

It's a fascinating process, this running thing.

It's doing the most interesting things to my body. Some good, some not so good.

For the first time in my life, I have a waist. An actual curve there where my body has always been straight.

My half marathon is in two and a half weeks.

And I'm not dreading it. At all.

I'll be honest with you, I'm eager for it to be over. But mostly because my training schedule has consumed a LOT of time. The poor dog hasn't been walked much at all lately because I'm always running and she can't run any distance with her bad leg. I'm really ready to go to the gym and partake in some other forms of activity. Running four days a week (over 20 miles a week) is about all the activity I care to do... and after a while... well, it gets a leetle-bit boring.

But I can do it.

I can run.

I can run long distances, even.

Asia rode his bike alongside me on my 12 mile run on Monday.

About mile 5 he said "I can't believe you have run all this way."
Mile 6: "You're killing me!" (as he pushed his bike up the hill I had just crested...)
Mile 7: "Do we get to be done now?"
Mile 9: "My butt hurts."
Mile 11: "I have you tell you, you make it look easy."

I'm not fast. I run about a 10 minute mile. Some days faster, some days slower.

Right now I don't really care about speed. It's all about doing it right now.

Meeting the goal.

Completing the race.

Sometimes it's really hard. But mostly I get this amazing feeling of accomplishment.

I never would have dreamed that I'd be running a half marathon at 42.

And here I am.

Sometimes I turn off the music and take out my earphones and just listen to the phump, phump, phump of my feet and the amazing rhythm of my breath... and I say to myself  "I'm doing this."

It sort of reminds me of the crochet-binge I went on when Tejan left... furiously working my needle in a cathartic rhythm that kept me from going crazy with grief.

Perhaps it's my way of focusing my energy after the long process of planning our amazingly monumental trip... and going on said trip... and coming home to our americanized life after the deeply life-changing things we experienced...

Yeah... I think that has a lot to do with this drive. This urge to run.

I don't think I'm running away from anything... rather, it's a running TOWARD.

Toward belief in myself. Toward strength and amazing health. Toward the courage to put myself WAY out of my comfort zone. Toward some pretty amazingly stretching steps of faith I see on the horizon...

So yes. I run.

I run.

The official end of the longest blog break ever...

Not sure how it happened, but I guess I just took a hiatus from the blog.

It wasn't my intention...

But it's been awhile, eh?

I really like blogging. And it's something I can't imagine ever giving it up permanently... it's too fun to look back at... so here I am.

Life has been nothing short of crazy since we got back from the trip... the kids dove into sports practices almost right away... so our summer seemed extrememly short.

With the exception of Kyler - who just started classes this week and had a little too much summer, I think.

We're in the middle of LOTS of change around here... with me picking up a lot more hours at work, Savannah and Kyler both at new schools this year, Asia working toward opening a private practice... it's a lot... and we're sort of re-defining normal as we go. I keep waiting for that 'fall routine' to set in... haven't gotten there yet.

I've got lots to write about... lots I've been processing... thinking about... doing...

So welcome back to my blog.

It's good to be here.

Paris...

The door to our apartment building

When we began working with the travel agent who arranged our tickets for our trip to Sierra Leone, we were originally hoping to be able to go through London. We have dear friends who live in Northern Ireland, and we were hoping to either pop over to visit them or that they would come to London to spend a few days with us. As we planned, though, we discovered that our friends were actually going to be in the States at the same time... so we told the travel agent to look at flights going through other European cities and just try to find us the best deal.

When he came back with an itinerary flying through Paris, I got a wild hair... maybe we could save up enough money to be able to spend a few days in Paris with the kids. Knowing this would be the only trip like this we would ever get to take as a family, it seemed silly to get to Paris, only to spend a few hours in the airport and then fly on to Sierra Leone. I posed my idea to Asia and he agreed... so we asked the agent to arrange our layover to be a few days instead of a few hours.

The five flights of stairs we climbed to
get to our apartment

Asia and I went to Paris for our tenth anniversary, so we had a good idea what we would want to do with the kids. We found an apartment to rent online, booked it, and began making plans... as the trip got closer though, we were extremely focused on all the things necessary for our time in Sierra Leone... while we knew the Paris portion was happening, we really sort of made a conscious decision to not over-plan our time there and instead decided to follow our noses... and see where we ended up. We knew where we were staying and a few of the major highlights we wanted to take in, but we didn't create any sort of strict itinerary for our time.

Figuring out the metro - it took the kids about two trips
and they were experts...

It ended up working out just fine. We arrived in Paris at 8:00 am after a direct flight from Seattle. We hit the ground running, and after a ridiculous journey on RER and metro trains and stations and a short walk (all with nine huge suitcases and five backpacks) we found our apartment. It was in a quaint and lovely neighborhood in the 11th arrondissement, just a few blocks from the Bastille. Up five flights of spiral stairs we found a sweet (tiny!) one bedroom apartment freshly cleaned with a bottle of wine on the table welcoming us to Paris.

The Bastille - this was the major landmark
near our apartment...

Our three days were full of amazing sights and experiences. We managed to see the Louvre, Musee D'Orsay, Notre Dame, The Eiffel Tower, Sacre Coeur, Montmartre, The Arc de Triopmhe, Palias Royale, and Ste. Chapelle... we also managed to find time for quiet picnics, nice long walks and Kyler and I even managed a run at dawn one morning. Our apartment was lovely and quaint with a tiny kitchen that made it easy to save money by shopping at the grocery store instead of dining out all the time.

Waiting outside the Louvre

Our bodies settled in quite well to the time change, but there were still some wide awake hours in the middle of the night and some afternoons when we all could barely keep our eyes open. One night when Asia and I were both bright eyed and bushy tailed in the dead of the night, he turned to me and said "We aren't this family..."  I think both of us were simply overwhelmed by the blessing it was to be able to give our kids this amazing experience. It was so far out of our norm to even think about spending time in Europe with the kids... it honestly had never even crossed our minds as a possibility in any of our hopes and dreams for our family. But here we were. Amazing. We were both so grateful. And we enjoyed it so much...

It was a great time... and such an unexpected treat for us to be able to make it happen. The Goins in Paris... whodathunk? 

Making art interactive...

Loved hearing the kids' perspectives on what they saw in the Louvre

Inside Ste. Chapelle - my favorite church in Paris

Awestruck...

Outside Notre Dame

Inside Notre Dame

E. feeding the birds outside Notre Dame

Ah - the lovely Tour Eiffel...

Hanging out on the tower... of course we went to the top!

We were amazed to see the distance to Freetown notated inside the Eiffel Tower...

Jumping at the Arc de Triomphe... I had to get at least one jumping shot...

I loved this sign at Sacre Coeur...

Getting some lunch in Montmartre

Baguette sandwich, anyone?

E. chose a beret for his souvenir... so cute...

Love the Parisien way of shopping... buying just what you need for the day... no Costco here...

Goodbye, Paris... until next time...

On my soapbox...

Reading this book right now... wish I could give a copy to everyone I know. 18 million people die each year because of extreme poverty... what are you doing to prevent that? We all shudder when we remember tragedies like the holocaust... but every day 27,000 children under the age of five die from PREVENTABLE causes...

You can read the first chapter by clicking here. FIRST CHAPTER

Then go to your local library and check it out instead of buying it. With the $14 you saved, why not make a donation to a charity that is working to alleviate world poverty?

I know of a good one... Children of the Nations!

Sorry - I can't help myself. I will never spend my money the same way again... and I'm determined to challenge people to consider how our unnecessary spending could be reigned in and how that money could make a difference...

Unstuffing.

I rode Violet (my bike) to the library one sunny morning last week... after 3 1/2 weeks with the same reading material on the trip I was excited to look through the shelves and bring home some new inspiration. My first stop (as always) was the New Nonfiction shelf...

There I found a book called Unstuff: Making Room in Your Life for What Really Matters. I turned it over to read the back and the author photo caught my eye... turns out I went to college with the guy from this husband/wife writing team. Intrigued, I threw the book in my basket.

I read the book in a couple of days... it's a good read - perhaps a bit more for the Christian who's being introduced to the idea of over consumption as sin - but still full of good principles.

I came away from the book with a challenge for my family: Every day for the month of August, each member of the family has to find ten things to get rid of. There are boxes set up in the kitchen labeled 'Trash', 'Sell' and 'Give Away' to receive the cast offs. In September, we'll have a garage sale to get rid of all the 'Sell' stuff - the money raised will go toward a special project we're excited about with COTN - construction of a new on-site guest house for teams like ours... and we'll make one huge donation to our favorite thrift store of the leftovers when it's all said and done.

Now, if you haven't already done the math, there are five people in my family... 31 days in August. That's 1550 things we're going to get rid of. I'm ashamed to say that I imagine it probably won't begin to make a dent in the excess we've brought into this house. I know for certain I could probably go the whole month at ten things a day and not even begin to get into the things that would be 'hard' for me to part with. I have that much junk stored in my basement storage room... sad, but true. I think the kids have some concerns that they may end up having to part with 'favorite' stuff... I'd actually welcome the challenge of really struggling with what to give away... perhaps it will take another month of the challenge for me to reach that point, but I'm up for it.

It's a start. A good way to focus our energy upon our return from our trip... a totally do-able approach to cleaning out stuff that's been sitting un-used for an embarrassingly long time - and using the opportunity to bless others in the process... Frankly, after seeing how little most people live on in Sierra Leone, I know we can eliminate a TON.

Maybe you'd like to join us... I know you won't regret it. The truth is, with our consumeristic mentality, most of us have SO much much more than we need. Join us in paring back, clearing out... and in the process, maybe you'll find some extra space in your heart for those less fortunate than you are...

Ironman Coeur D'Alene

Sunday we were all up at 4:30... piled into the car and leaving the house by 5:15 to drive over to Coeur D'Alene...

There has been an Ironman Triathalon in Coeur D'Alene for the past nine years... athletes from all over the world come to do a 2.4 mile swim, a 112 mile bike ride and a 26.2 mile run.

CRAZY.

For the last two years, we've gone over to volunteer. Kyler's cross country team runs an aid station out on the bike ride... at mile 40 and mile 90. (The bikers loop through the 56 mile course twice.)

It's a SUPER inspiring way to spend a day... I never cease to be amazed at the people who put their bodies through months and months of training to compete in an Ironman. All the way from the top professional who will complete the entire thing in around 8 hours to folks who will barely make it to the cut off time at midnight.

We worked the aid station from 6:00 am (preparing for the arrival of the athletes around 8:00... cutting bananas in half, opening gatorade bottles...) until about 2:00, then we went downtown to watch and wait for our friend Wade who was competing.

There's a LOT of waiting for the Ironman spectators... it was a beautiful day, and Coeur D'Alene is a beautiful city with lots of lovely park space... so we sat and visited and people watched... and continued to be amazed at the thousands of athletes passing by us all afternoon.

My favorite thing about volunteering at Ironman are the interactions you can have with the athletes... I was on sunscreen duty, so I got to talk to everyone who needed more sunscreen... as I slathered them up I would ask how they were feeling... get little tidbits of who they are... encourage them... it's such a cool experience.

My favorite part of working this year: the gentleman who was part of a team that trains together all year long and who got off his bike and waited at our aid station until every one of his teammates made it that far - and then got on and rode off with the slowest one. He waited nearly two hours for her. She had a really rough swim, apparently, but made it to the mile 40 mark on the ride. I left the aid station before I saw them come through the second time... so I don't know if they made the cut off time to be able to continue onto the marathon portion of the event. I suspect they didn't. But I admired this man so much for being willing to sacrifice his own time and ability to finish for the good of another team mate.

This was Wade's first Ironman.

He finished in 11:55.

And we were all there cheering and yelling him across the finish line...

I think he's crazy. Who chooses to do that to their body?

But he's a good kind of crazy. And a great friend. It was a privilege to be there for him...

We were all exhausted at the end of the day... up early, on our feet all day, in the hot sun, busy scanning the crowds for Wade's  black and red outfit... but not one of us complained. How could we when we compared our tiredness with the tiredness of the people who had just completed such a rigorous event?

I'll take my achy back and my tired feet...

And I'll leave the complaining to the amazing people who pushed their bodies to the edge.

Crazy people...

Another school year over...

These three little boys have been friends since they were four... when they used to hang out and play while their sisters played together on Savannah's soccer team.

They're not so little anymore.

They're now officially sixth graders.

Ready to 'rule the school.'

Big, little man-children.

Great friends.

Love these long, lasting friendships for my kids... as a parent who consciously chose to stay in one place and keep the kids in the same school, this is the fruit of that decision.

And then there's this one...

Who is now in high school.

Who attended an event last week that the school calls the "Eighth Grade Social" and all the girls call the "Eighth Grade Formal."

I surprised her and made arrangements for our friend Monica to come over to curl her hair before school... the 'formal' took place in the afternoon instead of classes.

We bought her dress months ago - off a clearance rack at Macy's... it fit her perfectly and was SO cute.

Thankful for her successful journey through junior high - drama free for the most part and full of great friends. It's a big jump for our kids when they move from elementary to junior high... going from a class of about 60 kids to about 350... lots of potential for conflict and of course, the ever present option of choosing the 'wrong' friends.

She did good, though. Expanded her group of friends with some pretty amazing kids.

So happy for her. And proud.

Blog? What blog?

My life is such a crazy list of to-do's that I've hardly given blogging a thought lately...

Life continues to bring us an amazing array of opportunities to be thankful... from things like successful school years for all three kids to work going extremely well to God's provision for our trip... it's all good.

One more short morning of school for the kids and I will be the parent of a sixth grader, a freshman and a junior. Honestly? I can't believe it.

And in two weeks and two days, we leave for our trip.

I have so many things that have gone by the wayside in our preparations... from blogging to creative pursuits, to (unfortunately, lately) running... I'm still getting in my ten miles a week, but I've not really been 'training' at all.

So my list of things I'm hoping to pursue on our return is long.

Long - but definitely set aside for now.

As I've worked toward all the crazy details of taking a family of five to Africa, I've struggled with feeling overwhelmed... it's my tendency to get caught up in details and often I lost sight of the big picutre.

Asia (God bless him for his patience with me) said the other day "It doesn't seem like you're enjoying any of this. This is a dream come true for you and you're making it a nightmare."

Ouch. Oh how the truth hurts sometimes.

So I've taken a step back... and vow to live in each moment. To cherish all the details. To not stress out about things.

Heck, I never even got my luggage last time I went and I survived just fine.

I think probably manage if I forget to bring something.

We had a good long 'family meeting' last night to talk through the trip. We gave the kids a chance to express what they're most excited about and what they might have anxiety about or be nervous about.

Good stuff. It gave Asia and I just the tiniest glimpse of what an amazing opportunity this is to impact their world view...

Already they were asking things like "Why is Africa so far behind the Unites States in things like technology and medicine? They're just like us... why don't they have the same things we do? Their civilization is older than ours..." which gave us the opportunity to talk about why we tend to think our way is better... and challenge them to consider whether we're any happier with all our technology etc... What a great chance we should have to dialogue as we embark on this journey together.

So yeah - lots of stuff on my brain lately... lots of details and ideas and hopes and concerns and a little teeny bit of anxiety...

And not so much blogging.

But I'm still here.

And I'll be back.

Liberty Creek Hike

Hiking is one of my favorite past times... so I was clamoring all weekend for a family hike since we had three whole days off together...

However, when Monday rolled around, it turned out our kids were tired from sleepovers and scrambling to finish up procratinated homework and no one was interested in going on a family hike. Except me and Asia.

So we went. We commented several times how strange it was to be hiking alone - relating more to the empty-nesters we saw on the trail than the families... but we didn't let it spoil our afternoon.

The Spokesman Review on Sunday had an article listed some local-ish hikes to waterfalls... we picked the one closest to us and went for it.

And it was an amazing hike.

My phone camera has some distortion
going on here I think... our heads aren't really
 that elongated...

For my local friends, it's in Liberty Lake County Park... you drive to the campground and the trailhead sits at the far end. It's a beautiful hike - almost completely flat for the first two miles, then it rises in elevation about 500 feet and goes for about another mile and a half before you get to these lovely falls... the trail follows the creek almost the whole way, and because we've had such a wet spring, the creek and falls were roaring. (And the woods were mossy and cool and more like the beautiful forests of the west side... it wasn't one of those Eastern Washington hikes where I had to convince myself our side of the state has it's 'own sort of beauty...')
We did exactly seven miles in and back.

I'm truly at my happiest when you combine my favorite person, amazingly beautiful nature, exercise and fresh air.