Friday, October 21, 2005

Confessions

For some reason I laid in bed last night and thought of all the things you don't know about me.

If you've been comfortable that way, skip this post. Cause I'm barin' it all here.

  • I am a bit of a hypochondriac. I'm usually fairly convinced that I have some sort of life threatening or debilitating illness. Several years ago, it was Multiple Sclerosis. Currently, I'm fairly certain I have heart disease and am just a heart attack waiting to happen.
  • I've been diagnosed in the past with a mild anxiety disorder... I'm sure the health concerns are related to my anxiety issues...
  • I am quite possibly one of the laziest people I know. I would rather sit on my butt and do nothing that clean or work in any way. I am not ambitious or perfectionistic or industrious at all in my natural state. (Thank goodness I'm a tiny bit disciplined or my whole life would be a mess.)
  • I hate showering. I could totally live in Africa where people only shower twice a year. I hate the whole process, from getting wet, to lathering up, to grooming myself afterwards.
  • I love picking scabs on other people. Fortunately, I'm forced to control this urge most of the time because of social mores and because I have yet to find anyone (since Kurt Englund in seventh grade) who will let me indulge my fetish.
  • I am intrigued with people who say they absolutely adore their kids... because most of the time I feel like I am tolerant, at best. I am not a parent who wants to spend every waking moment of the day with my little blessings. I love them fiercely, but I also really like my space and my time and my life. I don't know if that makes me a bad Mom. I worry about it sometimes, especially when I read scrapbook pages by women who seem to almost worship their children... I just don't feel that at all.
  • I adore the feeling of my own freshly cut toenails.
  • I subscribe to WAY more magazines than I can possibly read. Mostly because I love being able to grab a big handful of mail out of the mailbox.
  • I love my own handwriting so much that I'll sit and doodle for long periods of time. I still practice writing my married name, over and over and over again, just so I can admire my handwriting.
  • I love the smell of horse manure.
  • I think smoking really does make a person look cool - but I also think it's one of the dumbest things anyone could ever do. If smoking didn't cause all sorts of anxiety invoking diseases, I'd totally be a smoker, just to look cool.
  • One of my favorite snacks is melted butter with raw oatmeal and brown sugar and cinnamon mixed in. It's just freaky enough that I haven't eaten it since I married Asia. I'm pretty sure he'd put me in a home if he saw me eating it.

So there. Written proof that I'm totally unbalanced and potentially deviant.

Interesting reading for a Friday at least...

10 comments:

  1. When you say you adore the feeling of your own freshly cut toenails, do you mean the part you cut off or the part you left?

    That's not so strange. If you said you enjoyed the taste of your own freshly cut toenails (which is probably not terribly dissimilar from the taste of raw oatmeal), that would really be cause for alarm.

    It's nice to get to know so many things about you, I think.

    Hello, Cathy.

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  2. I'm not sure what it is about us Carson's that makes us love mail. It's not like we even had one of the BIG mailboxes on Dow Road. I know Lorraine thinks I'm crazy when I am traveling and I will ask if we got anything interesting in the mail.

    Remember those cinnamon crisps Mom would make for us in the oven with leftover pie dough? That sounds very similar to your freaky oatmeal thing.

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  3. corey7:14 PM

    Wow....it is scary how alike we are.
    I am totally not a perfectionist - sometimes I pretend to try to fit in....but I would rather sit and think for hours - I always feel like I am very busy in my head.
    The kid thing too - I feel fierce about my kids....but there are moments when I look at them and just am bewildered that they came from my body....I see them as people seperate from me - I think it is a healthy thing 'cuz' I know some freaky,obsessed parents - YIKES!
    I also hear about some weird illness or cancer - and I find symptoms...I am really working on getting over this, because as you get older- everyone seems to be dying of something and that is just way too much stress.
    I hear ya.

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  4. corey7:17 PM

    Oh yeah - I hate showers too.....grooming -yech! I always look so good by day 3 or 4 without one - seriously.....I can not believe in highschool that I showered every single day - who was that person???

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  5. Scott - first of all, thanks for visiting. Secondly, it's the toes with the newly cut toenails that feel so good. Hmm - I've never really spent that much time with the discarded nails... they remind me too much of my Dad, who used to leave his on his side table by his recliner.

    Steve - Oh yea - the cinnamon crispy things... SO good. If that isn't comfort food, I don't know what is.

    Corey - I think the shower thing is related to the not-perfectionistic thing... all my high maintenance friends look at me like I'm crazy if they find out I don't shower every day.

    As far as the kids go - I think I'm too practical to adore them the way I see other parents doing... I just don't know how anyone can maintain that kind of romantic notion for anyone who sucks so much energy out of me.

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  6. I actually had the same question that Scott had about the toe nails. I'm glad you cleared that up. I also, don't like to shower. Not a perfectionist!!! But, I don't like manure.

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  7. SNORT! I love the secret you. Some of these things make me giggle. Others make me say, "yep, same here." But you know what? I love you even more knowing these things. The one I relate to the most is the lazy comment. That's me to a T. However, I've got the perfectionist thing going, so I am constantly beating myself up and trying to do the pep talk about getting my lazy butt off the chair. I could spend 24 hour doing nothing but reading and watching television if I could get away with it (and I've done that many times in the past).

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  8. Look at you, being all vulnerable. Hey, I think smoking looks cool, too, though I hate the taste of it in my mouth so I won't do it. Forget health concerns, says the girl who would eat chips four meals a day. And I'm pretty sure I'm a heart attack waiting to happen, but see the aforementioned comment about chips. =o)

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  9. Kelly E. - we simply must plan a weekend sometime when we can sit on our butts and watch tv the whole time. Wouldn't that be fun? And we could even stay in our pajamas the whole time...

    Kel - chips aren't really my thing. Give me cookies though, and I'm a goner. Or pumpkin pie - I bought one yesterday at Costco and I'm probably going to eat the whole thing singlehandedly. It's all I can think about - sitting there in the fridge... I'm resisting, since I just finished my breakfast. (For which I had to exert every ounce of self-control to have something besides pumpkin pie...)

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  10. Brooke5:29 PM

    Who are you? I love that you told us these things! There is new stuff that myself didn't even know...WOW! How cool is that! You go girl...kudos for you! I was glad to know that you did not chew on the toenails...or put them anywhere close to your mouth, at least you didn't tell us that part, if so.....hee!..hee!

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I love it when people talk back...