Last night the kids and I went out for dinner. I had some leftover lasagna, but haven't found a place to plug in the microwave... going out is more fun anyway. (For now at least. I'm sure in a couple of weeks we'll be really sick out it.)
After a lovely dinner, (I had a grilled turkey sandwich with cream cheese, cranberry sauce and the most delicious chutney... it was TO DIE FOR) we decided to wander the downtown mall for awhile. I wanted to check out the dishes at Pottery Barn, since of course I have to get new dishes for my new kitchen. I also wanted to look at Restoration Hardware and see if they had any light fixtures that were less than $300 and would be perfect for my kitchen. Nope. Well, they had one that would be perfect. But it was a long way from being less than $300. I think I knew that would be the case, but I was hoping for a sale or something. Oh well, the search continues.
While there, we discovered that they had their stocking stuffers out. If you've never been to Restoration Hardware, they manage to find the coolest retro toys - stuff we all played with as kids and usually have completely forgotten about until we see it sitting there on the shelf. Last night, it was a set of blocks with face parts on them that you turn and rotate and make a million different faces. I know I played with a set of these when I was a kid, but the memory is so vague. I think it was at my Grandma Young's house, but I can't be sure. It was so nostalgic for me to play with them... and the kids loved them - I had to buy a set.
While we were playing with the gadgets and toys, K. found an umbrella with tons of bells and whistles. Not only did the handle extend when you pushed a button, if you pushed it again, the whole umbrella opened up. He thought it was so cool. He must have played with it for five minutes.
After awhile though, he started driving me crazy.
So - I said the magic Mommy words -
"You're going to break that - put it down!"
No sooner had the words come out of my mouth, than he pushed the button one last time - and the whole top section of the umbrella popped up and flew fifteen feet across the room. K. was left holding the handle with a big long spring dangling out of it, bouncing rebelliously side-to-side like some smashed up clock in a Looney Tunes cartoon. His eyes about popped out of his head and he ran immediately over to where the top had landed to see if he could fix it. I tried to ignore him, at first thinking good mommy thoughts:
"Well, I hope he's learned his lesson..."
But then the image of the umbrella flying through the air hit me and I lost it. Not just a little, mind you. I was laughing so hard I could barely breathe - with great tears running down my cheeks. S. and E. thought I was crazy - they hadn't seen any of it.
So there was K, over in the corner frantically trying to fix the projectile umbrella, S. and E. asking over and over again, "What's so funny, Mommy?" and me - totally trying to regain some composure and stop laughing.
I know K. was relieved that I wasn't mad... but I still made him explain to the sales clerk what happened. She probably thought I was finding it altogether too funny, since I could barely hear him tell the story without totally losing it again. What kind of Mom lets her kids break things and then laughs with them about it? Well, I guess that would be me.
Honestly, he didn't do it on purpose, and if their umbrellas are going to malfunction in that manner, they really should be recalled or whatever. You could put someone's eye out with that.
We came home around 8:00, just in time for the kids to get jammies on and read for awhile before bed. Gracie was thrilled to have us home - and more than thrilled because we've started letting her come in the living room regularly now that the kitchen really isn't inhabitable. She even ventured back into the bedrooms a couple of times. (Not really my preference, but at this point, I'm picking my battles. I can teach her to stay out of the bedrooms when life settles down.) I was checking my email, and she was running back and forth between the kids' rooms while they were all snug in their beds, reading.
The routine went something like this:
Gracie runs to a bedroom... Pause.... One of the kids yells, "Gracie, NO!"... Gracie comes running out with some off-limits toy, or article of clothing, or garbage, or whatever she can get her lips around fast enough to escape with it. She lays down to chew her latest treasure, I lay down the laptop, take the item from her and return it to the appropriate bedroom.
I know I should probably have stopped this little game after one or two times. But I was tired. So back and forth she went.
Eventually the kids stopped paying attention, and I got tired of getting up and down, so Gracie just started making a little pile of her prized stolen goods... she was in heaven. I paid her little mind, until I looked down and saw her chewing on some sort of fabric item I didn't recognize. It looked like underwear. Now, I really don't want the dog to ruin things, and especially clothes, so I got up off the couch. She, of course, knew my intent - so after chasing her around the coffee table three times, I was able to snatch the mystery item out of her mouth.
It was underwear. Ladies underwear. But.not.mine.
I've never seen these underwear before in my life. They're cotton - they're striped. I've never owned a pair of cotton, striped underwear.
I called my husband.
Now, you must know. I trust Asia implicitly. He values faithfulness as much as I do. He is a good husband who loves Jesus and who does the right thing when it comes to family.
The first words out of my mouth?
"You left a pair of your girlfriend's underwear somewhere and Gracie found them."
He laughed a great guffawing belly laugh - a good sign.
So, we're left with a strange pair of underwear that apparently appeared out of nowhere. I don't even know in which room she found them - the kids didn't notice anything...
How freaking weird is that?
I'm fairly certain Asia's girlfriend would wear nicer underwear than these, if he had one. I know I would if I were having an affair with a married man. These are totally 'been married a long time and I'm going to wear comfortable, functional Hanes her Way underwear' underwear. Not 'gonna impress my new lover with my best Victoria's Secrets' underwear.
But if they're not from the imaginary girlfriend - where the heck did they come from?
We'll probably never know.
It sure makes for a great blog entry though.
And a great story to laugh about...
I needed that last night.
Dontcha just love a good, out of control laugh?