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A birthday tribute

My first love was a boy named Brian.

We met when I was in 7th grade. He attended the youth group at my church.

He was in 10th grade.

Somehow, we ended up "going together," much to my parents' chagrin.

After all, at that age, a three year difference in age is quite significant.

Now, to be completely honest, I don't know why we were "going together." We never went on a date, never kissed, hardly spent any time together except at church.

Brian was a great guy - full of laughter and sweet through and through. He once rode his bike to my house to see me. And he lived CLEAR on the other side of town. He had to ride a long way. On a BMX bike. And to get home he had to ride up some really big hills.

He was also, at that stage of his life, a bit of trouble.

He didn't grow up in a church-going household. His parents were extremely sweet, but not nearly as strict as mine were. It was with Brian and one of his buddies that I smoked cigarettes after church one night. (And got caught.) Brian had tried marijuana. He was a really cute, really sweet guy with just enough of a bad-boy edge that I was really intrigued - and he responded to my flirting enough to become my boyfriend. Or something like that.

We broke up after a couple of months. I don't really remember the details. I do remember seeing him that summer at the swimming pool and being really nervous about it. We hadn't spoken for awhile, and there was some unresolved conflict or something. Somehow it became resolved, because by eighth grade, we were speaking again and became great friends.

We were friends who could hang out together for hours and hours, just talking and laughing. I remember once when I was in ninth grade, and he was a senior, we had spent the day together and were supposed to be going to a party that evening. We were at his house, just in his room, listening to music and whatever. Somehow, we ended up wrestling, and he pinned me down and gave me a huge hickey on my neck. I've never laughed so hard in my life. We never kissed, and there was nothing sexual about it at all. I think we probably gave each other three or four hickeys apiece that afternoon, all in complete innocence and good fun. When we showed up at the party an hour late with our necks all covered in red spots, you can bet the rumors started flying. We didn't care. We knew the truth. We were the best of friends.

We spent the majority of that year hanging out as often as possible. My best friend was dating one of his good friends, and there was a large group of freshman girls who hung with a similar group of senior guys. I remember MTV always being in the background, and lots of snacks, and Chicago's "You're the Inspiration" being a theme song for several of the couples.

Sometime during that year, Brian decided to enlist in the army. He was going to head to boot camp a few weeks after his graduation. And about two weeks before his graduation, as I was writing a card to him, I realized that I had fallen in love with my best friend.

I told him in that card. And I'll never forget his face as he read it. He got teary eyed and gave me a huge hug. He felt the same way.

We had about five weeks together before he left for boot camp. I think we spent every waking moment together. And the best thing was, nothing really changed. Okay, we kissed a little. But honestly, it was so sweet and so innocent. I don't think we ever even French kissed. And he never touched me.

When he left, I was devastated. I cried for hours and hours and hours. I clearly remember my Mom sitting on my bed with me, holding me as I sobbed. She understood. She had faced the same thing at the same age with my Dad.

We wrote pages and pages of letters to each other. Every day I would write. And occasionally he would get to call. Sometimes it was only one phone call, and he would call his parents. His Mom would always call me to tell me she had heard from him. After boot camp, he was stationed in North Carolina - about as far across the country as he could be. But at least he got regular access to the phone, and we talked about once a week.

He got to come home for Christmas. I was in my sophomore year. We spent as much of his leave time together as we could. He was nearly bald. But I didn't care. My Brian was home. He even came and spent Christmas with my family at my grandparents house. By this time, my parents (or at least my Mom - I don't remember my Dad saying much) had fallen in love with Brian too, so we had a great holiday together.

He went back. We kept writing letters. But by March, I was beginning to notice that highschool was sort of passing me by. I was so involved with my long-distance romance that I wasn't really engaging in my life. After a long talk on the phone, Brian and I (with great maturity, I think) decided we should eliminate the romantic aspect of our relationship. It was not without tears, but it was something we both felt was right.

We maintained contact, and our friendship continued. With less intensity, of course.

I had other boyfriends in highschool... most of them short lived. I was fickle, and didn't really want to get seriously involved with anyone at that stage of my life.

Brian got out of the army in the spring of my senior year. He was my date for my senior prom... and we had a blast together.

After I went away to college, we started to lose touch. Occasionally we would see each other on school breaks, but as happens, we eventually lost contact.

The last time I saw him was a Thanksgiving about nine years ago, when I was home in Astoria. On a whim, I snuck into my parent's bedroom and called his parents house. I thought perhaps he would be home for the holiday. And he was.

He came over to my parents house. He met Asia, and K., who was just a toddler then. I think maybe S. was a newborn. Once again, he was nearly bald. (This time due to a receding hairline, not the army.) He still had the same shy smile, and good manners. We caught up on each others lives. He was a bit of a drifter, and hadn't really settled into any sort of career. I was totally on the Mommy track, and we didn't have much in common anymore. Still, there was a connection. Lots of history, and lots of memories.

I haven't seen him since then. I have no idea where he is or what he's doing with himself.

I dream about him several times a year. He's always a perfect boyfriend in my dreams. Romantic and sweet and kind.

I always tell Asia about it.(In case you were wondering.)

I think he shows up there because he holds that special place in my heart as my first real love.

I did love him. A great deal. And through my relationship with him I learned the importance of being best friends with the one you love.

A very valuable lesson.

Today he is 40 years old.

Happy Birthday, Brian, wherever you are.

Comments

  1. Anonymous10:52 PM

    Cath,
    Your entry brought tears to my eyes. Brian was such a nice kid. I loved him too (altough I am glad you didn't marry him) I can't believe he is 40 yrs old ! How can everyone be getting so many years under their belts because I don't feel old enough to see all these kids turning 40....
    I think he was special to me because he was so special to you and that made me happy. I remember him with fond memories. He was a really special kid!
    Great entry ! Love you....

    ReplyDelete
  2. Anonymous11:37 AM

    Thanks - you brought back some good memories, when I sometimes look at that period of my life as such a "lost" period...I don't have the same good feelings about the "Your the inspiration" boyfriend at the time...maybe cuz the friend thing was not there. I had that friend thing a few years later in high school. Anyways, I do remember Brian with very safe warm feelings. He was a real good guy/man...not perfect, but very good. I think that he "held" your self esteem for a few years - would remind you of how beautiful and unique and fun you were...we really do need that as we are growing up. So I say "Cheers to Brian" with you and try to ignore the 40 thing...it makes me feel old.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Anonymous5:40 PM

    Cathy,
    Holy cow! I was like bawling when I read this! Seriously... made me think.... yikes...

    ReplyDelete
  4. Hi. Just wanted you to know I had stopped by after seeing you tagged at Stacy J's. I was "it" too. Anyway, good reading...I read yesterday too- which is why I HAD TO LEAVE a comment. And- you are welcome to come on over to my blog anytime!

    ReplyDelete
  5. Anonymous8:01 PM

    That was a wonderful post. I can remember details of my first true love like it happened yesterday. Unlike you though I have let time and distance get the better of me and never even attempted to keep in touch with someone who truly was a soulmate. I am pooer for it. -Gatsby

    ReplyDelete
  6. Anonymous5:50 AM

    Oh my gosh! What a lovely essay. Cathy, this one rocks my world. It is a pure and sweet love story, and those are far and above the best kind of all. Happy birthday to this wonderful person who touched your life so deeply.

    ReplyDelete

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