Wednesday, September 05, 2007

September 5th.

My worries about my kids yesterday were unfounded. They all LOVED their first day of school - Tejan included. He had the biggest smile on his face when I went to pick him up. God was faithful to answer my prayers...

As I laid in bed last night I was overwhelmed with the feeling that my life is never going to be the same... this experience of welcoming Tejan into our family is one that I am convinced will alter my heart forever.

I cried as I tried to explain it to Asia last night.

It's as though God's love is coursing through me with such violent power that I can do nothing but surrender to it. I cannot control it - for it is so much larger than I. It is so obviously from God and not of myself.

My heart is overflowing with gratitude that our family gets to know this boy in this way.

I see it changing my kids. They are more aware of others. More appreciative. And they love Tejan too - with the same depth as if he'd always been with us.

How does that happen?

Only by Divine appointment, I believe.

We have been given the chance to expand our family - and to know and love this amazing little boy.

But we cannot keep Tejan.

We knew that from the start.

So how will we ever let him go?

I suspect we will not. I expect that we will sense a hole in our family that will never be filled when he has gone. Because God placed him with us. He set Tejan in our family - and our hearts have grown larger with the love of him than I imagined they could.

While I dread the upcoming heartbreak, I cannot hold back this flood to protect myself.

I owe it to Tejan to love him wholeheartedly for every moment he is with us.

And I'll deal with the heartache when the time comes.

But I know it will come.

Because the heart of this mother has been enveloped by love for another child and he will remain there...
always.

It's amazing and overwhelming and terrifying and wonderful all at once.

It's certainly a lot for my heart to ponder... but I'm going with it. I want to drink it all in and remember every little detail of this time.

I know I'm in the midst of major life/heart change. And as scary as that is, there's no better place to be. Because I trust God to take care of my heart...

That's the only way I can love this boy with such abandon...

Because that's what we're doing...

Amazing.

7 comments:

  1. Lorraine9:13 AM

    Cathy, I found out the a gal, Grace, who was in our life group last year, has a sister who works for Children of the Nations. (I think that's the name of where you got Tejan, right?) Anyway, she was thrilled to hear about Tejan. I'm going to forward your blog address to Grace so she can read your entry today.

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  2. Lorraine9:16 AM

    oops, sorry about the typos.

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  3. We have had about 12 exchange students from Japan. A couple of them we have grown really attached to. One of the hardest things I have ever had to do was make katie get on the plane to go back to Japan.

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  4. So beautiful, Cathy!

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  5. Cathy- you inspire me.

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  6. Ya made me cry! :-) I cried so hard when Lorena went back to Mexico. It truly felt like I had this huge whole in our home and heart. We still so cherish our memory of our time with her.

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  7. I love to read your life this way. It's a lot you all are dealing with!

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