But I felt the need to write.
Lots going through this little brain today.
So much to think about, really.
And so I want to write. Because I process really well when I write. I'm a "write-to-think" kind of gal.
Asia and I were at a Marriage Mentor's retreat for the weekend. Which was boringly similar to a Pre-Marriage Enrichment we attended a year or so ago (so we could see what couples we would mentor had been through...) So it was a little long. And repetitive. But I'm not complaining, because I got to sit in the back with my love (he always has to sit in the back because his back bothers him and he needs to get up and stand often) and we wrote notes and whispered. Totally juvenille. But fun, nonetheless. I promise we were not disruptive. And it was at a Catholic retreat center with lots of religious icons and nuns and devout seminarians walking around and very simple, monastic surroundings. Somehow, it was just what I needed.
Tejan spent the weekend with friends from church. This afternoon he is with some other friends. Tomorrow he spends the day with a friend from school. He's a busy little boy - with everyone wanting to spend one last day - or afternoon - or something - with him before he goes. But he is struggling... I can see his sadness. I've been so focused on my own sadness, that before today I hadn't fully considered all the goodbyes he has to go through. He has to say goodbye to every friend he's made here. And there are so many. It's going to be rough.
I'm making a conscious decision though. I'm going to choose to walk fully in the experience. To embrace the goodbyes. The tears. The sobs that well up from the depths. I'm not going to run from it. I'm going to espouse it. Grab it by the horns. Receive it. Stare it in the face and I'm not going to blink. Because it's a gift. And I'm going to open it each day and learn from it.
Because here's the deal. This is the stuff of life. Hellos and goodbyes and tears and smiles... it's all part of the journey. So even as I look to this impending grief, I will not shy away. I'm going to breathe deeply.
God brought me here.
And I'm going to walk in this experience completely.
And I am going to trust God to carry me through it.
The LORD will surely comfort Zion
and will look with compassion on all her ruins;
he will make her deserts like Eden,
her wastelands like the garden of the LORD.
Joy and gladness will be found in her,
thanksgiving and the sound of singing.