Monday, January 07, 2008

Monday. Snow.

I love it when it snows.

I never want to move from Spokane because snowfall is so very much better than rainfall.

It doesn't really get you wet, you know. Just sparkly. And shoveling is just an easy workout. No complaints about snow here...

I just found myself in a trance, staring at the reflection of the snow falling outside on the picture frame that hangs above the computer moniter... not sure how long I stared off like that.

I've not slept well in over a week.

That makes it easy to fall into a trance-like state, staring at the falling snow.

I'm so interested in this process I'm in - where I'm emotionally exhausted and overwhelmed - but full of nervous creative energy and motivated to accomplish stuff like I haven't been in years. It's sort of like the nesting that happens at the end of a pregnancy. So strange.

I'm cleaning closets and collaging and recycling with a vengeance and painting and sorting and planning... I just want to do. And since I can't sleep, I'm doing a lot.

I feel like super woman.

A very tired super woman.

I wonder if I will crash.

But I wouldn't be surprised if I don't. I'm amazed at how I've been sustained through everything. And I expect that this is just part of that... getting through - held up from beneath by Everlasting Arms.

Pushing through.

One closet at a time.

One project at a time.

One exhausting cry at a time.

I pretty much cannot get through even one song of worship without blubbering... my heart is so tender and I love Jesus so much. He has cared for me so completely... I cannot begin to explain how full my heart is with gratitude. And so I cry. Big heaving, shoulder shaking cries. Tears running freely... it's ugly and sweet altogether.

But it's not hopeless.

It's full of hope.

Full of expectation.

Full of wonder.

Full of anticipation.

What will God do with my broken heart?

How will He use me next?

How else will He reveal Himself in my life?

This morning it's in the peaceful, gentle falling snow.

A gift to my heart - of rest and calm and divine care.

I love the snow.

1 comment:

  1. This is a wonderful post Cathy. I am so glad to hear in the midst of all the hard times, you feel God close and caring for you. That is my prayer!

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