Thursday, March 20, 2008


Today I want to go back.

Back to before I saw Hotel Rwanda.
Sometimes in April.
Blood Diamond.
Invisible Children.

When I trusted my own country and it's leadership
to make decisions that were fair and right and just.

Before I cared about recycling.

And social justice.

And education for all.

Back to when my life was insulated.

When my heart contained a small, select number of people
and my world was small.

When answers came easy.

Because the more I know about the poor -
and the war torn -
the fewer answers I have.

I feel as though my heart cannot possibly stretch anymore.

The world I know now is too large.

And the injustice too great.

And the answers too hard to find.

And so I find myself exhausted.

And hopeless.

How does God do it?

Because He knows far more.

He sees all the sorrow. And injustice. And pain.
I am humbled.

And overwhelmed.
I am so small.

And my efforts are so insignificant.
On days like today, I must choose to hope.

Hope in Goodness bigger than my reach.

Hope in Sovereignty wiser than my striving.

Hope in Rest for the weary.

Hope in Peace.
And so I hope.


  1. Cathy, exactly. The more I know about the world the more I realize the only hope is in God. Their is no other way. The more I read the more I relize the depravity of man.

  2. Wow. My life seems very little in the face of all you are contemplating. It sounds like I should maybe be more thankful for that.

  3. I am with you dear friend. I often wonder why He hasn't just given up - but then I realize His hope for me and the world I live in cost Him His Son...and that redemption is part of what He sees in the midst of all this brokenness...and then I choose once again to walk with the same eyes through this awful mess... I ask God to show you how you are redeeming things through the "little" things that you are doing, saying, believing...cuz if each one of us would just redeem the little bits we can - well the world would have to change...and begin to look alot more like His world, His dream, His heart...enough preach - still with you in the crying out part...always will be.

  4. Cathy,

    I have been feeling the same way lately. There is *so* much awful.

    If I just sat and prayed over prayer requests in my email everyday I could literally sit there forever and never get up. I could pray 24 hours a day and not cover all the needs.

    I took this to God this week and He showed me I was trying to carry things that are not mine to carry. That I'm to cast it on Him.

    And I'm trying to do that because it *is* so overwhelming. If you try to hold onto it it will pull you under and drown you. I know. I feel it too.

    Just wanted you to know you're not the only one.

    And also this post is one of the many reasons I appreciate your bloggy friendship...because now I *also* know I'm not the only one. Thank you for that.


  5. Sometimes it is so hard to realize that God really is in control of all things. Whatever is going on in the world, He is allowing for a purpose and yet our finite minds just can't comprehend what it could possibly be. I heard it described once as a woven blanket.
    On the top it looks beautiful in a organized pattern but if you look at the bottom side before you put the backing on, it is a bunch of jumbled knots and threads.
    We look at the back side but God has the other side all arranged and worked out. We just can't see the big picture. SO we have to leave it all to Him and do all we can while we are here to make some difference in what He has called us to work on.
    Now you begin to understand why older people talk about "the good old days" when things were not so busy, so evil, so complicated !
    BUT He is still in complete control and we praise Him for that and leave it to His divine intervention when the time is right.
    Love you

  6. As I read through your blog today, Cathy, it reminded me of the groaning mentioned by Paul in Romans 8. But with this groaning comes a hope which will come when finally Jesus returns and makes everything right. So as an encouragement to you, mediate on these words:

    Romans 8:18, 23-24 "For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worth comparing with the glory that is to be revealed to us... And not only the creation, but we ourselves... groan inwardly as we wait eagerly for adoption as sons, the redemption of our bodies. For in this hope we were saved.

  7. Anonymous8:04 PM

    Cathy, your efforts were not so insignificant to one little boy from Africa. God has blessed you.

  8. He HAS to be God huh Cathy??? For it to even be remotely POSSIBLE to love someone as sinful as me and the world that we live in.


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