Tuesday, March 18, 2008

Not ten.

I've got to be honest.

I'm going to whine today.

This last little stretch we've had with Tejan has pretty much knocked the wind out of my sails.

And I'm tired.

I don't know if I'm overly sensitive because I'm so tired, but I feel as though everything becomes an argument with him lately. And the fighting between him and Ethan is at an all time high.

I also think that my heart was pretty much disengaged at the point when we were ready for the big goodbye at the end of January. And then having him stay, I may have just held onto that - not wanting to re-engage and go through the hurt of preparing to say goodbye again. So I'm running on empty, pretty much.

I'm struggling.

I really don't want to finish this way.

I don't want to be counting down the days.

But I find myself doing it.

He's here until April 20th.

And I need to get through these last few weeks without feeling like a crazy person.

But I feel a little bit like a crazy person.

Is it wrong to just want my life back?

It sounds so pickin' selfish.

I'd love your prayers.

They've held me up before...

And I need to be held up now.


  1. Lorraine8:15 AM

    Thinking of you. Praying.

  2. corey8:48 AM

    My heart hears you. I will light candles on this holy week of suffering and ask for ressurection life for you and your family....let yourself be held today in His arms (Psalms 61).
    PS Your whine is really not bad at all.

  3. The prayers have never ceased my dear friend.
    You are not crazy.. you are normal.
    Perhaps you are all feeling the strain of the extended good-bye.

  4. Anonymous1:40 PM

    Just found your blog today and I'm not aware of all you are going through but God is and I'm lifting you up to Him.
    Thena Smith

  5. praying for you my friend!

  6. I'm praying, Cath. I know your heart.

  7. I wondered why you've been so quiet. I have prayed, and will continue. You are loved, friend.

  8. I'll talk to God about this matter, too.
    Love you, girl. Hang in there.

  9. Praying for you, too!
    So not selfish.
    It makes complete sense to disengage like that for protection.
    Today is the 20th so I am praying for you even more!!

  10. Praying for you Cathy...

    "May Jesus Himself and God our Father, Who reached out in love and surprised you with gifts of unending help and confidence, put a fresh heart in you, invigorate your work, enliven your speech."
    -2 Thess 2:15 (the message)



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