Wednesday, April 23, 2008

The truth is

that I'm feeling a little awkward about blogging.

I don't want to seem flippant and post about normal, every day life.

But I also don't want to bore you to tears with the reality of this tough time we're walking through.

So I'm not really sure what to post.

It's kind of indicative of my thoughts on life in general, actually.

Because I'm finding it hard to go back to 'normal.'

For eight months, I was the lady who was taking care of an orphan from Africa.

And now I'm just a lady.

Not sure exactly how to be just that again...

Normal.

Just another lady carting her kids around from school to practices to friends' houses. Making dinner. Doing laundry.

No doctor's appointments or hospitals or medication runs. No exercises. No cooking special African food.

Just normal stuff. Like everybody else.

And it feels more than just a little weird.

So that's where I'm at right now.

On this Wednesday.

This very normal Wednesday...

7 comments:

  1. Cathy - Normal or not I love reading your blog! :0)
    Did that sound right? (tee hee)

    I think the hardest part of any special situation is the "getting back to normal"
    It can be such a let down.

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  2. corey9:12 PM

    Normal is good...really. Especially as life is seen by your perspective 'cuz' even normal has a little something more from your birdseye view.

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  3. That feeling? It's grief. I remember the day my sister died, I was so assulted by the normalicy of McDonalds. We had stopped to get my little sisters some food, and all these fast food workers were carrying on as though my world hadn't just been altered forever. It was unfathomable.
    It will stay that way. Your life is different forever.
    And that is as it should be.
    Love you.

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  4. amy k6:16 AM

    Been thinking about you this week, Cat. I agree with Kelly that you are grieving...routine activities are important, but hard, in that process, so I'm glad to see that there are granny squares and challah bread in your life. Remember that your grief isn't wasted in God's economy: "Praise be to...the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God." (2Cor 1:3,4)

    Peace to you.

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  5. Cathy - I also have to agree with Kelly - the weirdest feeling after I lost my mom was that the rest of the world acted as if nothing happened (how dare they?) - but I found it very hard to do those "normal" things lest someone think I was callous or something...it is hard to get back to some sense of a normal routine. Your world has been altered and touched forever by this experience. Don't expect to feel your regular "normal" again - you will find a "new normal" - sounds cliche but true. That is why you are baking and crocheting..all things that bring you peace wether you know it or not. When I am feeling a bit unsettled I immediately find myself in the kitchen or my craft room. Things bring me peace there. Praying for all of you.

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  6. I struggle with this, the feeling flippant posting about normal life vs. managing some of the more difficult things in our life...for different reasons, but I know that awkwardness. I don't have any answers for you there, I'm just saying.

    Thinking of you as you learn how to live your changed life...

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