Monday, June 09, 2008

Stuck

I find I just can't blog.

It's a rare thing for me to not be able to put words to my feelings. Usually I can write my struggles and find definition and clarity through my pen.

Lately though, there are no words.

And with the blog, there is the added pressure of trying to 'entertain' you.

And I just can't do it.

I cannot define my heart right now.

And I cannot continue to start, only to delete because I fear I sound whiny or repetitive.

So I just will not write.

For now.

Because my heart is so broken.

I just don't have it in me to pretend to be okay right now.

I think I expected to be 'okay' by now.

And I'm so not. Okay.

I really don't know who I am anymore.

My frame of reference has shifted completely.

And I think I just need to 'be' here for awhile. I just need to listen. And stop trying to sum it up with words.

I cannot post pretty pictures and wax eloquent about lessons learned...

I just need to be.

Quiet.

Broken.

Tired.

So I will be... for awhile.

I truly do love you all for your support and encouragement and your prayers.

So I trust you will wait this out with me.

And maybe say a prayer or two.

For clarity. And understanding.

I need to learn how to live with this heavy heavy heart.

"I am still confident of this: I will see the goodness of the Lord.
Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord."
Psalm 27: 13 & 14

5 comments:

  1. oh cathy i'm so sorry. of course i have no idea what you are really going through, but here's a great big hug from me...

    ReplyDelete
  2. You have put yourself out there so much you deserve to feel how you feel and live it out how you need to live it out.

    I know many of us enjoy your blog but don't want you to feel any pressure. That is not what this is suppose to be about. Take the time you need. We will be here when you get back.

    ReplyDelete
  3. I'm praying for you, Cathy!

    ReplyDelete
  4. Praying for you, too!

    ReplyDelete
  5. Anonymous12:01 PM

    Gee Cathy, I so rarely can visit and find you are in need of prayer. You got it kid!

    kjp

    ReplyDelete

I love it when people talk back...