Monday, January 19, 2009

Winter blah.

Winter in Spokane is always long.

But when you add an extra week off from school for the kids because of record snowfall and the post-Africa thought processes I've been tackling, I'm struggling a bit this January.

My walks are helping. Getting out every day, regardless of temperature or precipitation has been so good for my psyche. Amazing what a little exercise can do for my heart. And how much I crave my walk each day, even after only being at it for a few weeks.

But honestly, I find myself fighting depression.

It's been years since I've faced this.

I don't know exactly what pushed it my way at this point...

I think it's more the culmination of different things I'm facing... turning 40 in less than a month, having had to say goodbye to T. again, uncertainty in several areas of my life, dealing with certain pre-teen attitudes that have reared their ugly heads lately... I feel a very real and persistent unease most of the time - and stress.

I think of myself as a fairly laid-back person.

So I don't do stress well.

But it's there.

And so I'm struggling.

Thought maybe writing it out would help.

So here I am.

Keepin' it real.

And writing it out.

4 comments:

  1. :)
    Stressed too, prayers for you... Pray for me too, please.
    When it seems insurmountable I try to do one small thing (unnotice maybe by others), but helpful to me. Walking is a great thing to do, it helps me too. :)
    {{hugs}}

    I loved all your trip updates, very moving. You have inspired me.

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  2. Stephen10:14 PM

    I am glad you are able to put it out in the open. You really live your life as an open book, which is difficult to do on many levels. 1. You have to know what the book is saying. Many people never even crack the book.
    2. You have to believe in the fact when you open yourself like a book you won't fall apart. Having a strong spine will help prevent that.
    3. You have to be comfortable with everyone seeing your pages.

    I applaud your open book.

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  3. I know I keep saying this but we have so much in common. Depression plagues me when I least expect, thankfully lately has been limited mostly to stressful winter months. Turning 40 in Spte and having to deal with some of my teen daughter issues has not helped this year. All I can say is, writing it down and getting it out there does help. Walking in the fresh air does help. You have been through a lot of emotional things this past year. Allow yourself to feel the emotion, the time of depression. You are actually permitted the feeling without having to really deal with it. You are aware of it. That matters. Keep doing what makes you feel good. and talk when you need to.

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  4. The LORD your God is with you,
    he is mighty to save.
    He will take great delight in you,
    he will quiet you with his love,
    he will rejoice over you with singing.

    (Zephaniah 3:17)

    You're on my heart today... praying for you.

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