Skip to main content

Remembering T.

I've been feeling particularly wordy lately...

Perhaps it's because I laid in bed the other night and read my hand written journal from the time that Tejan was here... while I blogged a TON during that time period, I have more personal journaling that I kept to myself... something inspired me to pull it out.

We're coming up on two years since he left... April 20th will be the two year mark. It's been ages since we heard anything from him, even though we recently sent a nice big package of pictures and letters and a gift to him. It saddens me.

I have a lovely picture of him with his house mother Mama Josephine up on our kitchen wall. I see it every single day. The other day I really paused in front of it. Kissed my fingers. Placed them on his picture and said out loud "I love you, T." It made me cry... that spontaneous affection. I miss him.

We are still saving money for a family trip to Sierra Leone. Sometimes I get positively overwhelmed by the magnitude of the expense we will put out to go. I used to say summer of 2010 we would go. Now I'm saying 2011, but realistically, if we can just get it to happen before Kyler leaves for college in the fall of 2013, I think it will be a miracle.

$20,000 is a lot of money to save. Especially when ordinary life seems to be getting more and more expensive as the kids get older.

It's been on my mind a ton lately. I'm trying to come up with as many creative ways to save as I can... but often it feels like an impossible task.

And then, since there's been such a long silence from T., I wonder how relevant a visit from us will be to him once we finally are able to make it happen.

I just know that it is a gift I want to give my children before they reach adulthood. I want them to have the perspective visiting one of the poorest countries in the world would give them before they make their way into life on their own.

And so I save. I set up automatic savings withdrawals every payday. I tuck every five dollar bill into a special drawer. Ethan empties the change from my purse into his 'Africa' bank. I stopped buying clothes this year so I could save more. All my rebate checks go right into my savings.

I also pray. I pray for miracles. For God to multiply my efforts. For divine provision.

And yet it's easy to be discouraged.

I wish he were closer. I wish we could talk on the phone and hear his voice. I saved a voicemail on our answering machine from the last time he called us before he left the states... I've managed to not erase it for all these months... it begins "Hello, Auntie Cathy... this is Tejan..." It is so sweet to be able to push a button and hear his voice. I've probably listened to it hundreds of times. I'm so afraid it will get erased one day accidentally...

He's been on my mind so much lately. I'm sure it must be the upcoming anniversary of his departure.

So that's where my brain has been settling lately... in addition to all the stuff I'm processing about the Chicago trip and the end of the internship... and the challenges of parenting my teenagers and my baby who is in the awkward pre-adolescent stage...

It's all okay... but I sure do pray a lot lately. Because often it's just too much to process on my own.

So that's that. Thanks for listening. It helps to get it all out there.

Comments

  1. C~ THis makes me eyes water up! You are such a beauitful and giving person- your love for people is refreshing and encouraging. I hope the Lord will open that door sooner than later to take your family to Sierra Leone and visit and love on Tejan some more.

    ReplyDelete
  2. It's been two years?? wow. Seems like just a few months ago. believe it or not I still think about him as well. See how far he has reached? And how far your blog as reached for him? Amazing! I will keep praying you get to make your trip sooner than later. :)

    ReplyDelete
  3. Just want to send you some hugs. It doesn't seem as if it has been that long already.

    ReplyDelete
  4. That's funny.
    I just ran across a packet of pictures of Tejan the other day as I was cleaning out my scrapbook room. I had set them aside in anticipation of making a small book of his pictures which still hadn't happened. Now I'm inspired to get it done.
    I think of him too. He was such a sweetheart and I really felt like we had an African grandson : )

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

I love it when people talk back...

Popular posts from this blog

It came out of the faucet that way.

It's been months since I've had a "Getting to Know You Wednesday." Life's been a little crazy. So today, when life is a little bit calm and I've got the least chaotic week I've had for ages, I thought I'd jump back in. So today, if you leave me a comment telling me your most favorite-ist movie line ever, I'll enter you in a drawing for your very own copy of Josh Groban's new Christmas CD - Noel . It's a good one, folks. Classic holiday music from such a wonderful vocalist... you'll like it, I promise. I just want one movie line. Not your three favorite... not a paragraph. Just one line. The one you find yourself repeating. The one that makes you laugh every time. Your very favorite movie line of all time. And if you're the first person to name the movie my title is from, you'll get an extra entry in the drawing. Now, let's hear it.

Are you ready for this?

How did it get to be Wednesday? Seriously. There aren't enough hours in the day - even when you're up at 2:00 am. And no - I didn't get up at 2:00 this morning. I slept all the way until 5:00! Anywho - I decided I needed something new to blog. Something to shake you all out of your 'thoughts from the deep recesses' stupor. Something to get your blood pumping and your fingers tingling. Something to inspire long and meaningful comments. From you. My beloved readers. It's a new weekly Thoughts From the Deep Recesses feature. It's "Getting to Know you Wednesday" Now this could either be lots of fun, or it could just totally flop, and I could go to bed crying because my blog readers are a bunch of takers who only come here to read and never interact. Like a piece of fresh fruit, you squeeze the juice out of my hard-written and well thought out posts and then you toss them aside, wandering on to the next blog with a simple click of your mouse. You read

Phlumpyschlumpy.

Good morning, peeps. It's Friday. There's frost outside this morning. *FROST!* This week has been ridiculously chilly. I'm having mixed feelings about blogging lately. Mostly because I feel like all I've been doing is whine about being tired. Or overwhelmed. And because comments are lacking. And because I can't seem to think about anything to write about except Tejan. And because some of the thoughts I'm having are too private for the blog - or too repetitive. Or too unformed to turn into actual words you all could understand. So I'm struggling a bit. And yet, I'm committed to documenting the process I'm in. So I'll keep writing when the words come. And when they don't, like this morning, when I looked at that intimidating blinking cursor and my mind went blank and I started to break out in a cold sweat and began by talking about the weather... well, then, I'll just gracefully (or not so gracefully) back out of the room... tail between m