Tuesday, March 22, 2011

Thoughts on creativity...

So I find myself getting to the end of every Monday and dreading the fact that I'm supposed to have a "Creativity Monday" post.

That most certainly was not my intent when I began the series... and definitely doesn't inspire much in the way of the soul-feeding I was aiming for when I declared Mondays a day for creative pursuits.

As I was thinking this through in the midst of insomnia in the wee hours this morning, I've decided to suspend (or postpone, or cancel, or quit - OUCH!) Creativity Mondays for now.

There's a big part of me that suffers embarrassment over that... I hate to be seen as a quitter. I take a lot of pride in being a goal-setter/achiever. But the older I get, the more I also strive to be good at taking care of myself. And if something has become a strain or drudgery that is completely within my control to stop, I feel an obligation to myself to end the misery.

This forces me to ponder a bit why I've changed so much in the last two years in regard to creative pursuits... there was a time when arts/crafts/creating something from nothing was a passion for me... it energized me. Now I feel more drained by it than anything else.

Perhaps it's a season... my priorities have shifted so much over the past couple of years as I watch the kids growing up (and away.) I just cannot imagine taking time away from my children to sit in my studio and play with paper. There's a sense of urgency sitting on my shoulder whispering in my ear constantly "They're almost grown... "

Combine that shift in priorities with the devotion to and fulfillment I get from my job and I feel like the needs that were met by creative pursuits in the past are now being met in other ways. I gain so much satisfaction from doing my job well... I don't feel the need to create pretty things. I'm not gratified by creative efforts much at all right now. So my desire to put my energy into is has completely waned.

A lot of this is simply thinking out loud - so I apologize if I seem a little disjointed or flaky.

I just know that I don't have time to push myself to fulfill some sort of bloggy obligation I created for myself when it's not satisfying any sort of personal need and is instead a chore I've come to regret taking on.

I encourage a lot of reflection in my job with Weight Watchers... asking my members to consider what they can take away from a 'bad' weigh-in. "What have you learned about yourself this week?" I ask.

I can say that I've learned something here. So it's not a failure.

It's a journey.

And I'll embrace the journey.

Happy Tuesday, friends.

2 comments:

  1. Cathy, I love that you are so real here. You inspire me in so many ways- creativity is one of them, but as a mama and a woman and a wife, too. And I was praying last night for my girls & the time we have - that I wouldn't miss so many little things in my busyness and days. In a blink of an eye, right?

    XO.

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  2. Cathy - I have been an AVID crafter and scrapbooker (that is how I found you) for decades, and have struggled in the last year with my creative energy. I dropped out of teaching classes, the pressure to create and be fresh and new was just too much. I thought that would help. But, alas, nope. I am still stalled. Like you, I am not sure why. I am blaming it on my stage in life, teenagers, mental energy drained elsewhere, graduate school....I am also channeling more creativity into photography. Many of my friends tell me to just "make something", it will come back - but the more I try to force it, the more miserable it makes me. So I have resigned myself to just waiting. Listening. I am sure there will be a new phase in my life when it will return. :) You are not a quitter. You are listening to the ebb and flow or your life and not fighting it. That will make you much happier.

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