So I find myself getting to the end of every Monday and dreading the fact that I'm supposed to have a "Creativity Monday" post.
That most certainly was not my intent when I began the series... and definitely doesn't inspire much in the way of the soul-feeding I was aiming for when I declared Mondays a day for creative pursuits.
As I was thinking this through in the midst of insomnia in the wee hours this morning, I've decided to suspend (or postpone, or cancel, or quit - OUCH!) Creativity Mondays for now.
There's a big part of me that suffers embarrassment over that... I hate to be seen as a quitter. I take a lot of pride in being a goal-setter/achiever. But the older I get, the more I also strive to be good at taking care of myself. And if something has become a strain or drudgery that is completely within my control to stop, I feel an obligation to myself to end the misery.
This forces me to ponder a bit why I've changed so much in the last two years in regard to creative pursuits... there was a time when arts/crafts/creating something from nothing was a passion for me... it energized me. Now I feel more drained by it than anything else.
Perhaps it's a season... my priorities have shifted so much over the past couple of years as I watch the kids growing up (and away.) I just cannot imagine taking time away from my children to sit in my studio and play with paper. There's a sense of urgency sitting on my shoulder whispering in my ear constantly "They're almost grown... "
Combine that shift in priorities with the devotion to and fulfillment I get from my job and I feel like the needs that were met by creative pursuits in the past are now being met in other ways. I gain so much satisfaction from doing my job well... I don't feel the need to create pretty things. I'm not gratified by creative efforts much at all right now. So my desire to put my energy into is has completely waned.
A lot of this is simply thinking out loud - so I apologize if I seem a little disjointed or flaky.
I just know that I don't have time to push myself to fulfill some sort of bloggy obligation I created for myself when it's not satisfying any sort of personal need and is instead a chore I've come to regret taking on.
I encourage a lot of reflection in my job with Weight Watchers... asking my members to consider what they can take away from a 'bad' weigh-in. "What have you learned about yourself this week?" I ask.
I can say that I've learned something here. So it's not a failure.
It's a journey.
And I'll embrace the journey.
Happy Tuesday, friends.