So, here's this crazy thing: I run.
On Monday I ran 12 miles. Twelve.
It's a fascinating process, this running thing.
It's doing the most interesting things to my body. Some good, some not so good.
For the first time in my life, I have a waist. An actual curve there where my body has always been straight.
My half marathon is in two and a half weeks.
And I'm not dreading it. At all.
I'll be honest with you, I'm eager for it to be over. But mostly because my training schedule has consumed a LOT of time. The poor dog hasn't been walked much at all lately because I'm always running and she can't run any distance with her bad leg. I'm really ready to go to the gym and partake in some other forms of activity. Running four days a week (over 20 miles a week) is about all the activity I care to do... and after a while... well, it gets a leetle-bit boring.
But I can do it.
I can run.
I can run long distances, even.
Asia rode his bike alongside me on my 12 mile run on Monday.
About mile 5 he said "I can't believe you have run all this way."
Mile 6: "You're killing me!" (as he pushed his bike up the hill I had just crested...)
Mile 7: "Do we get to be done now?"
Mile 9: "My butt hurts."
Mile 11: "I have you tell you, you make it look easy."
I'm not fast. I run about a 10 minute mile. Some days faster, some days slower.
Right now I don't really care about speed. It's all about doing it right now.
Meeting the goal.
Completing the race.
Sometimes it's really hard. But mostly I get this amazing feeling of accomplishment.
I never would have dreamed that I'd be running a half marathon at 42.
And here I am.
Sometimes I turn off the music and take out my earphones and just listen to the phump, phump, phump of my feet and the amazing rhythm of my breath... and I say to myself "I'm doing this."
It sort of reminds me of the crochet-binge I went on when Tejan left... furiously working my needle in a cathartic rhythm that kept me from going crazy with grief.
Perhaps it's my way of focusing my energy after the long process of planning our amazingly monumental trip... and going on said trip... and coming home to our americanized life after the deeply life-changing things we experienced...
Yeah... I think that has a lot to do with this drive. This urge to run.
I don't think I'm running away from anything... rather, it's a running TOWARD.
Toward belief in myself. Toward strength and amazing health. Toward the courage to put myself WAY out of my comfort zone. Toward some pretty amazingly stretching steps of faith I see on the horizon...
So yes. I run.