Transition

I am a person mired deep in a need for security... and I am easily fooled into believing I have it when my circumstances appear stable.

I am learning this about myself as Asia and I walk through the process of transitioning our source of income from one that's been easy and secure to one (two) that is variable and uncertain.

Having lived in the same house for the first 18 years of my life with parents who avoided change, I have little experience with this sort of evolution... in the 20 years we've been married Asia and I have only moved five times. I like constancy. Security. Comfort. Stability.

Now I'm being asked to trust. Trust that God will continue to provide in light of risk and instability and uncertainty.

Now I know - the only reason we have had what felt like security all these years is because God has provided. Jehovah Jireh and all that. I know it intellectually. But it's darn easy to be fairly convinced that a good, secure job excludes the need for Jehovah Jireh. Which is, of course, ridiculous. And arrogant. And probably sin.

So as we walk into this unpredictable season of faith, I struggle.

I struggle to maintain calm... to trust and believe what I know to be true instead of what I feel.

Because what I feel is afraid.

Precarious.

Unsettled.

I can't rest for very long on those emotions without crumbling into a heap of anxiety - which isn't condusive to holding together any semblance of order in a household that tends to rely on me to set the tone. (Darn them...)

Scripture brings relief from my racing fears... everytime.

Matthew 6:25-34

    “Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?    “And why do you worry about clothes? See how the flowers of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you—you of little faith? So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own."

Asia is ever-patient with me... and is so good at pointing out false thinking and bringing me back to truth.

I am so thankful for a patient and loving God who walks beside me, gently whispering in my ear:
"I never change."

I so want to bring Him honor by continuing to offer my life up to Him.

And so, breath by breath, I offer my fears and my uncertainty to the God who rules the universe.

And I trust.

Even when I'm scared.

I will trust.