So I went out to dinner with some girlfriends last night to celebrate a birthday. Thing was, there was one girlfriend missing - our dear Betsey who recently moved to Illinois. Add to that the fact that I recently was allowed into the inner sanctum of this group of girls, and it was an akward night. I felt like everyone was thinking (subconciously because of course, these are all very sweet women) that I was a terrible replacement for Betsey. Where were her trademark funny stories, her mixed metaphors, her wise and careful word of advice? Nowhere to be found - especially not coming from me. I wanted for so long to become a good friend to these women. Watched their friendships and was envious of their familiarity, their laughter, their care for each other. I was new - on the outside - invited occasionally, but never considered essential. Now I realize I may never be... although they include me more, I will never have the same depth of relationships with them that they have with each othe