thoughts from the deep recesses

Waves of change sweep over me disturbing the delicate balance erected over years of false security held together by tradition heritage expectation. Those strong stalwart words that blow so easily away at the slightest crack. Revealing betrayal secrets testing carelessness. What I thought was is not. I cannot begin to adjust my sails. I am breathless, the wind knocked clean out of my heart and I gasp. Hollow chest slowly fills again with holy Breath. Peace in the crest of the swell. I still fear where the wave will land, but I ride it knowing I will not drown. I worship because It is all I know for sure. I will live in the pain - experience it fully knowing there is Promise in it. There is nothing I can control. But I know that knowledge is the beginning of true Peace. The fullness of Life comes when we feel dead.

I've not blogged in ages. Sometimes I'm just out of words - or maybe struggling to formulate them - or not sure what I want to share, or how much. Asia always accuses me of living my life really un-privately, on Facebook and with my blog... but there are plenty of things I hold onto, until the time is right. So perhaps I'm just in a more private space lately. Needing more time to process and work through my thoughts in a different way. But today, the first day of the new year that I have any quiet and space to actually write (yay for husbands back to work and kids back to school!) I want to document. And share. I've done a lot of crazy things over the years, inspired by the new year. Some have been wildly successful, and others, not so much. So I always approach a new year carefully, asking myself what it is I'd like to accomplish. How I'd like to change. What I might want to tackle. And this year, I read a quote on Pinterest that caught my eye: