thoughts from the deep recesses

Life has it's way of ebbing and flowing... This past summer was a deep ebb... a back flow of purpose and vision and a time of flagging ambition and confusion. The tide was low. I struggled to find the resolve to push past my perceived lack of relevance. I questioned my function and found a deep boredom settling in. Looking ahead to the continued 'moving away' of my children, I feared a complete loss of vision and knew it would be necessary to redefine my ambitions or I could easily be left dry and shriveled on the shore. I'm so thankful to my dear husband and the friends who helped me find value in this forced retreat from what I've known for so long. I began to see it as an opportunity instead of a loss. And then, slowly, opportunity came. And gratefulness began to permeate my thoughts. And hope filled my bones. God met me in a lonely place and said "But look here..." and I beheld a vision full of purpose and intention and promise. And so

This was the hardest summer I've ever been through. I've written a lot about it, so I won't rehash the challenge of the past three months... I really haven't written much, because I didn't have much to say that hadn't been said. I loathe sounding redundant and whiny. I felt God asking me to wait. Silently. Waiting is hard. But slowly, I find myself sneaking glimpses of new purpose... Renewed vision for what it means to parent at this stage in my life. New responsibilities and challenges at work. New relationships and new roles in old relationships - dear people God is bringing me to love and nurture and pour into. And so I sit this morning in quiet gratitude for hopefulness. I'm pondering and dreaming and anticipating - all of which are infinitely better than lamenting and feeling lost. Hope is an amazing, powerful thing. There is an air of excitement and a posture of looking forward in this place... as Asia gets terribly, wonderfully clo