thoughts from the deep recesses

"Sometimes I wonder if life's a book and how you go through it is someone's reading it..."

This summer is my 20 year high school reunion. First of all, can I just ask - how the heck did that happen? 'Cause I just graduated, people. (Okay, maybe not, but 20 years? Geez.) I went to my 10 year. And I enjoyed it. I was a little surprised by how few people had settled down at that point. Corey and and I were the only ones there that I talked to who had had more than one child and been married for more than just a year or two... lots of people were just starting down that path, and we were both pretty firmly entrenched in family life. But in all, I enjoyed seeing people. And catching up on their lives. And discovering that some of them had turned into lovely adult-people. Even some of the jerks. The reunion this year is in July. On the same weekend of a pretty important wedding here in Spokane. (The 600 invitation bride's wedding.) We love this young couple. A lot. Do I stay in Spokane and go to the wedding? Or do I go to Astoria and go to my reunion? I'm thinking a we

School conferences today. I know for a fact that one report is not going to be good. To the tune of an F in math for my firstborn. Why? Because he hasn't turned in his homework. Because he's lied to me every day about homework. You can be sure, there are going to be some painful consequences laid out tonight. Ugh. Parenting stinks sometimes. Just finished an amazing book... Samson and the Pirate Monks . I think this book should be a must-read for Christian men. Great stuff. The author reveals the dangers of rugged individualism in the church and how men need each other to be honest and caring and supportive... It's well written. Honest. And a page-turner to boot. Now I've just got to get Asia to read it... my husband likes me to read books and then tell him what they're about so he can go acting as though he read it. But I think he needs to read this one himself... I've been in a bit of a funk lately... feeling tired. And cranky. And like I fail again and again.

My lilac out front... just waiting to pop open! Easter goodies... Art a la E... (and hung up with lots of tape by the artist himself) Daffodils peeking their heads out beneath the leaves I should have raked last fall... The shelf in S.'s room - full of Beanie puppies Gracie waiting for the kids to walk home from school... oh when oh when oh when oh when oh when are they going to come around the corner? Happy Friday, friends! Have a lovely weekend. It's SPRING!!!

Every once in awhile my house is overtaken by strange alien creatures who do as they're told and who are ready for school long before they need to be. They even do their chores without being asked - and get up and shower without my dragging them from their beds. It's downright freaky. We're writing out the schedule for the next four months at work... I've got some fun stuff in the works... a funky Studio Muse, a new monthly technique class, some home decor, and several fun mini books. It's always fun to plan... Blustery spring day out there... the kids have been wearing shorts to school - they're crazy - because it's still cold. But they see the sun and they're ready to go - so I let them. You've gotta choose your battles, ya' know. Next week is early release at school for conferences. And then Spring Break. The kids and I will be heading to Astoria to visit my parents for part of the week. Love going to Astoria... love the beach, the bakery, t

I don't know that I ever expected to have a child who wrestled... I've never been much of a fan. But we have a great junior wrestling program here in Spokane, and a friend who helps coach... so we decided to give it a go. E. got a gold medal this week. He's got some great moves. We may be in for quite a few wrestling matches over the coming years... and that would be okay with me. Can't beat a boy who's satisfied with giving his best...

I'm working on getting video to share. It was the perfect ending to a wonderful elementary school tradition. They will always be remembered as the chickens... Proud mama doesn't begin to describe my feelings when the curtains opened and the audience erupted in screams and clapping... it was a moment to remember . These boys know how to have a good time... good clean fun. Good for them. Happy weekend, friends!

Tuesdays are typically a crazy busy day - with piano lessons and soccer practice. And yesterday I had to teach both an afternoon and evening class. And I had to finish up the school newspaper. Crazy busy. The kids got home from school at the normal time. They ate their snack. Did their homework. S. practiced her piano pieces and then had a little time before she needed to go, so she and E. stepped outside to jump on the trampoline. Now, I know, trampolines are dangerous. I've heard all the statistics. Blah blah blah. But I'm telling you, this story has little to do with the trampoline. It just happened to be where they were. They weren't jumping. They were wrestling. (After all, E.'s got to practice his moves .) I didn't see it, but as I understand it, E. came from behind at one point and was trying to grab S. by the shoulders to pull her backward. Instead of grabbing her shoulder, he grabbed her eye. Don't ask me... All I know is that S. was outside screaming b

K. just called me from school to tell me they're picking their electives for next year today. At the Junior High . I got all teary eyed when I got off the phone. Junior High? You've got to be kidding me... He was just born! The weather has been simply divine - in the 60's for several days now. And sunny. It does a heart good. Stopped by Ross's last night on my way home from the gym... and guess what? They had the Calvin Klein swimsuit I've had my eye on... for $19.99! It was a different color, but it was my size. I tried it on. But I didn't like it. So glad I didn't order it for $94 and then have to send it back. I did find one I liked - Nautica - $16.99. Navy with lime green trim. It's comfy and fits well. It'll do just fine. I really love Ross's. And TJ Maxx. Those are my kind of prices... I haven't scrapbooked in about 8 months. I've made oodles of class samples. But pages for myself? Nope. I'm getting the urge though. Maybe when a

Asia and I had an interesting conversation over the weekend. I put a lot of weight on the words 'will you forgive me?' and not much weight at all on 'I'm sorry.' And here's why: 'I'm sorry' feels like a simple acknowledgement - 'I know I did something wrong.' That's an important part of an apology. But it feels empty, or incomplete, as far as I'm concerned, without going a step further and asking forgiveness. When my kids hurt or offend each other, they must ask forgiveness. It takes a lot more to say "Will you forgive me?" It takes the ownership of the resolution out of the offender's hands and places it on the one hurt. It requires humility. A murmured "I'm sorry" (rife with shallow 'can we get this over with?' insincerety) is not nearly as soft or submissive as asking forgiveness. It's similar to the difference between acknowledging that Jesus was a good man - maybe even the Son of God - a

I've worked four days in a row... class Wednesday, class Thursday, then working the store all day Friday and Saturday with a demo/make-it-and-take-it thrown in for good measure this morning. I am SO not cut out for working that much. It makes me tired. And I feel totally unable to manage my household with any sort of consistency. Add to that the fact that this is the week that all the school variety show rehearsals come to critical mass - with two early morning dress rehearsals. Oh - and the school newspaper is due this week. Calgon - take me away!!! Asia's taking me out to dinner tonight. That will be good. Love date night. I'm so thankful that my job is generally one where I'm only at work a couple of days a week. I realize this is a luxury. I'm so grateful for my husband's job, which provides for us and frees me up to be a nearly full-time caretaker of our home. I cannot take this for granted. I know I am very blessed. Thank you Jesus, that you give us everyt

Love my quiet Monday mornings... this weekend really did a number on the house - with laundry piled high and schtuff everywhere - I'm taking the morning to get things picked up and the laundry going. Love this process. It feels so good to get cleaned up and organized after the tornado weekends bring. I'm putting on my new Norah Jones CD and working my way around the house... good stuff. Asia is home this week. He was gone last week, and with my flying over to Portland on Wednesday for Charlie's funeral (and having to make sure the dog and kids were cared for in my absence) I felt like my whole week was one big long stressful exhausting day. I didn't sleep well. And I was fighting a cold. So it's good he's home this week. I finally feel rested, after taking a three hour nap on Saturday... amazing how having another adult in the house helps me relax. Especially when it's my best friend. So glad I'm blessed with him in my life. E. is wrestling this spring

Some new pics of Tejan. How could you not love this face? I've thought quite a bit about the process of having this boy in our home and the eventual saying goodbye to him. He is not up for adoption - so there is no way we can keep him. How will I manage to let him go, after feeding him and loving him and tucking him in every night? I can't answer that. God will get me through it. I know He will. But I know that my heart may get broken, just a bit, in the process. I just know I'm supposed to be his American mommy while he is here. So I'll do that the best I can. That's all I can do. So that's what I'll do. And I'll trust God to heal my heart when the time comes...

I'm checking in... writing from a brain that is exhausted, but full. This past time has been good... good to take a breather. And good to have the time away to work through the grieving process over Charlie's death. I'm still on a journey, I can tell. God is good. I think since Charlie died, I have this greater awareness of the time. How we use time. Whether we're investing the hours and minutes of the day in a way that best honors God. I know I don't, much of the time. Charlie did. He was passionate. And purposeful. I don't feel particularly passionate lately. And I want to. So I'm praying about passion. And direction. And discipline. I don't want to settle. Speaking of passion, I got new pictures of Tejan this week. No more news as far as his arrival date, which is hard. I'm so ready to get to know this little boy. God has opened my heart wide for him. Time to get ready for work. Have a great weekend, friends.