thoughts from the deep recesses

Help me out, people... I got a new phone a couple of weeks ago and haven't downloaded a ringtone because I simply can't decide... I'm open to suggestions. My last phone - I had downloaded 'Dancing Queen,' 'Roxanne,' and '100 years.' They were all good tones. (Especially 'Roxanne' when it rang in the middle of prayer at my parents' church. That was a proud moment.) But I'm ready for something new. I considered 'Love Shack.' And 'Don't Stand so Close to Me.' But neither one really spoke to me. I prefer 80's music for my phone. But will consider anything really. Suggestions?

I'm on Facebook, mostly because it's the easiest way for me to stay in touch with my oldest and dearest friend Corey. There are oodles of Canadians on Facebook. My girlfriend Corina (who is Canadian) suggested I get Asia on, since he went to bible college in Saskatchewan and it would be a great way for him to be in touch with old friends. So I did. And now he's addicted. There's a reason they call it Crackbook. I've created a monster. Tejan had his post-op visit with the doctor yesterday as well as his first physical therapy appointment. He sailed through both with flying colors. Frankly, no one can believe how quickly his recovery has gone or the fact that he's already off of pain meds. I can believe it , because for weeks we've been praying for a quick, pain-free recovery. Yay! God answers prayer. You're all going to think we're crazy . But we're having a couple over from our church this evening to talk about them staying with us for a couple o...

I can't say it enough. Monday is simply the best day of the week. Especially when you're caught up on the mountain of laundry that accumulated in your absence the week before. And when a little boy who had surgery a week ago is pain free. And when baking is on the agenda. I've been processing my thoughts about last week... Tejan and I hit a bit of a rough patch in our relationship - as can be expected after spending 4 full days and nights together. We've worked it out - but boy, I really had to pray through my attitude toward him. I was pretty much ready to send him back to Africa. And I think he would have gone. It's a strange relationship I have with him. I've devoted more of myself to him than I've had to with my own kids since they were infants... as far as time and energy and caring. I've slept at his bedside, cleaned his incisions, helped him use the bathroom, put lotion on his dry skin, helped brush his teeth, cajoled him into taking yucky medicin...

My boys (2 of the 3 of them, at least) were totally consumed this weekend with Legos. And now an entire corner of my kitchen is occupied by this mini city... It's so fun to see it develop. What started as a castle and a restaurant is now a whole town, complete with jails and metal detectors and houses and stores. I honestly think those little lego people are the cutest thing around... And they boys? They're pretty darn cute too.

We finally got sent home from the hospital late yesterday afternoon. And then I taught a class last night and worked all day today. And now I'm home. And Tejan is doing amazingly well. He's down to pain meds only every six hours. And he's doing his exercises with enthusiasm. I feel amazingly rested. Funny how a night in your own bed can be SO restorative. Especially when compared to a pseudo bed/couch in a hospital room where nurses are entering/disturbing every two to three hours. And now, October is almost over. Life is so interesting... I'm learning so much right now about relishing each day - whether it's long and boring and hard and seemingly impossible or whether it's gorgeous and productive and full of happiness. Each day is it's own gift. I really believe that, smarmy as it sounds. How are you, friends?

Just a quick update... Tejan is still in the hospital. Things are going well, but his recovery from this surgery is much slower than with his leg surgery. Sorry I haven't been able to pop in to tell you how we're doing. I will tell you this: God is good. Tejan is managing his pain extremely well. And is very motivated to do his exercises . And we may be able to come home later today. Thank you for continuing to pray.

I'm here to tell you, people. Prayer is real. And it works. Here's an excerpt from an email I sent to some of my closest supporters in this whole Tejan adventure earlier this week... "On a personal level, I would appreciate your prayers for me. I'm feeling much more aprehensive this time around - probably because I know more this time about what I'm in for over the next couple of weeks. I'll admit that I do not feel quite as empowered right now as I did before Tejan's first surgery. Please pray for courage for me. And good rest. While I've never doubted that I am doing exactly what I'm supposed to be doing, right now, in this moment, I kind of don't want to face what's ahead. I know I will get through - that God is amazing - and that His strength is perfect. And for sure - even more perfect as I admit my total weakness tonight. But to be honest, I'm really feeling the weakness right now and not so much the strength... I covet your prayer...

Psalm 23 A psalm of David. The LORD is my shepherd , I shall not want. He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside quiet waters, he restores my soul . He guides me in paths of righteousness for his name's sake. Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me . You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies. You anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows . Surely goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life , and I will dwell in the house of the LORD forever.

So I got some really great pictures at Kyler's last cross country meet yesterday. And I really wanted to share. Because the kids were all being so cute. And the lighting was great. And it's my blog - so I can do what I want.

We have another surgery next week for Tejan. And I'm feeling a little overwhelmed. So the blog's gonna rest for a bit... I just can't do it right now. Smooch you all, my friends.

Kyler got 7th place in his race yesterday. He ran a 6:04 mile. Way faster than I could ever do it, that's for sure! I'm so proud of him. ( Of course, maybe knowing he'd get a milkshake if he got in the top 15 lit a fire under his butt...)

Tejan's spiderman costume came in the mail over the weekend. You should see the muscles on this thing! He looks SO cute in it. And the excitement level? Over the top. Too fun. I'm so sorry that the rest of the country is experiencing ridiculously warm temperatures... here in Spokane fall has very much arrived - with cool mornings and fog and beautiful colorful leaves falling from the trees. I think it's supposed to be 75 degrees here today - but only for today and then we're back into the 60's again. I love the cooler temperatures of fall and would be very cranky if it were in the 80's and 90's right now. My new favorite thing? A shot of sugar free peppermint syrup in my morning coffee. Yum. I keep thinking maybe I want a cat. But Asia hates cats. So it probably won't happen. Besides, there's the hair issue. One animal's hair is probably enough for me to deal with. Only three more cross country races for the season... it's been so fun to wat...

We spent Sunday afternoon at Green Bluff - a farming community north of Spokane... it's Apple Festival time. And of course, the pumpkin patches are full of fat orange globes just begging to be picked and brought home. Tejan felt great all weekend... no pain at all in his legs. Still, we wanted to be extra careful and keep him off his feet as much as possible, so he rode in pumpkin carts or on the shoulders of our friend Stephen, who along with his lovely bride and two of their friends, spent the afternoon with us. We had a lovely time. We love Green Bluff.

Seriously. It has been so sweet for me the past two days to hear from all of you. And I woke up this morning (after sleeping in until 8:30 - can you believe it?) feeling so refreshed and revived. I literally felt your prayer and encouragement. Again. It's amazing. So thanks. Really. A lot. ***** We got a surgery date for Tejan's first jaw surgery. October 22nd. It's going to be interesting... Asia's out of town that week. But I know we'll be well cared for. And we'll manage. ***** Happy weekend, dear friends.

Good morning, peeps. It's Friday. There's frost outside this morning. *FROST!* This week has been ridiculously chilly. I'm having mixed feelings about blogging lately. Mostly because I feel like all I've been doing is whine about being tired. Or overwhelmed. And because comments are lacking. And because I can't seem to think about anything to write about except Tejan. And because some of the thoughts I'm having are too private for the blog - or too repetitive. Or too unformed to turn into actual words you all could understand. So I'm struggling a bit. And yet, I'm committed to documenting the process I'm in. So I'll keep writing when the words come. And when they don't, like this morning, when I looked at that intimidating blinking cursor and my mind went blank and I started to break out in a cold sweat and began by talking about the weather... well, then, I'll just gracefully (or not so gracefully) back out of the room... tail between m...

We had another hard night last night with T. It's been almost a week since he's had any significant pain, but last night, his leg ached enough to bring tears and keep him awake much of the night. I want so much for him to be pain free. And I want to stop second guessing myself whenever he has pain... I blame myself for his pain last night because we went to Kyler's cross country meet and he walked a lot... I should have known better. Sometimes it's so hard for me to find the balance between pampering him and pushing him. He'd gone so long without pain, I really believed he could make the trek to the meet... when he complained about his foot aching, I encouraged him to push through it just a bit. His pain threshold is pretty low. So I've been trying to teach him to manage it - to identify the difference between an annoying ache and real pain. Helping him find ways to distract himself from the annoying ache... working with him to not moan loudly and cry constantl...

Sheesh, time flies. Terrible sleep last night... the dog was sick. I either want to go back to bed or go run the errands I needed to run yesterday. Can't decide. Stress goes right to my stomach. Can you say gurgly? COLD and windy out there today. Hello, October. Savannah, Ethan and Tejan all got haircuts last night. They looked particularly handsome this morning for school pictures... Traded out the summer clothes for my cold weather wardrobe last week. I really don't like about 80% of my winter wardrobe... most of it is several years old. But I don't want to spend money on new clothes. So I'm just going to look sloppy. I especially need new shoes... I've been wearing my Born maryjanes for 5 years. They're still in great shape, but I realize they're a little passe... wish we could all just wear sweats and hoodies all the time. And slippers. I need new slippers too, darn it. Lots of grey showing lately. Got to find time to dye my hair. I think I should go bac...

Today Tejan was home from school and watching me make dinner... He wanted to taste all the layers of the lasagna... the pasta, the sauce... it all looked so good, I guess. He'd never seen lasagna, but knew all the components looked good individually, so the assembled dish must be good... I told him he had to wait until dinner... He asked several times throughout the afternoon if he could have some. "Wait until dinner..." I replied. When Asia got home from work and asked "What's for dinner?" Tejan proudly and excitedly replied, "Lazambia!" Asia looked at him quizzically. "No, it's Lazambique!" He instantly knew that was wrong too... "Auntie, what do you call this food?" I could hardly answer I was laughing so hard. "It's lasagna, Tejan." "Yes, LASAGNA!"

Two sick boys home today. Kyler is fighting a terrible cold and looks just miserable... we'll see what happens when you stay home from junior high, since this is his first time missing at his new school... he may decide it's too much work to stay home after today, but we'll see. Tejan's leg is hurting again... so he's home too. So I get to stay home again today. I'm okay with it. It's rainy outside anyway. I love fall - when it's cool enough outside to turn the oven on after a long summer of avoiding anything that added to the heat. I'm baking cookies this afternoon... I love to bake and haven't been able to do it in ages... so I'm happy. Domesticity makes me happy. We got news last week that Tejan's jaw surgery needs to be done in two separate procedures - three months apart. This means he will be here well into the new year... I've had about a week to process this bit of info... and Asia and I got to go out to dinner over the wee...