thoughts from the deep recesses

So I'm doing this internship at church. I decided last summer to do it because I wanted to be purposeful about growth - and about being pushed out of my comfort zone - and to challenge myself. I felt like I'd had time to heal from the amazing opportunity caring for Tejan had brought to us. I was ready to put myself out there a bit. Now, you should know, most of the interns are college aged. I'm by far the old lady on the team. And while the intern program is really designed to help kids find their niche in terms of ministry, I knew I wasn't there to 'figure out' what God wanted me to do with my life. I'm pretty sure He wants me to love my husband and continue raising my kids... so I'm not dealing with the same issues most of the interns are wrestling with. However, the past month or so, God has really stripped me bare in terms of who I am and what ministry looks like. And I'm struggling. In January, we had the amazing opportunity, as a group, to imme...

I spent three days last week in Bellevue with Asia... he was working over there and actually managed to finish his work a day early so we got a whole extra day together... it was lovely and refreshing and well-timed. So thankful for a little winter getaway. Lots of new beginnings happening around here - friends with babies, young love, engagements, big moves... it's fun to watch but also makes me thankful for the stability I have... I'm really big into stability... to a fault, I think. Pondering that a bit lately. So far so good on the 'no new clothes in 2010' resolution... and can I just tell you something? It's incredibly freeing to be able to walk through a clothing department without even pausing... and I haven't missed new stuff at ALL yet. I'm getting a bit tired of my winter wear - but that happens every year. And once the weather warms up, I'll get to bring up the summer clothes and have a completely fresh wardrobe to pull from. I don't think...

I sit here in my living room on my forty-first birthday. The kids have left for school. Asia is in Seattle. I had an intern meeting at 5:30 am... to which I brought freshly baked scones - in honor of myself. Savannah loaded the dishwasher for me this morning, but she couldn't find any dishwasher detergent so she loaded the soap dispenser with Jet Dry. Not sure what that load will come out like. Ethan broke a glass this morning. There is a single present on my kitchen table - a gift from my receptionist at my Weight Watcher's meeting yesterday. I saved it for today because I knew there was an odd absence of presents at home. Asia didn't take the kids to buy me anything, and since he's out of town, I don't have real high hopes that there will be any gifts to open later today. I'm driving over tomorrow to spend a couple of days with Asia... a sort of birthday present to myself, I suppose. I really love birthdays. Sort of feel like they should be well-celebrated... ...

It's a quiet Saturday morning... Asia is out for coffee (again), E. is watching cartoons in the living room, Savannah is sleeping, Kyler is at a friend's house and I'm in the bedroom with my laptop and my cup of coffee. Bliss. I got to work as an adjudicator at the auditions for the school variety show this week... two days of elementary school kids singing, dancing, doing skits and playing instruments. I'm such a sap - I get tears in my eyes when I see the really nervous ones push through their fear and do their best... this morning the committee meets to decide who got in the show and who we have to cut. That's the icky part. Kyler has started physical therapy on his knee - it's been bugging him for a couple of weeks and he hasn't been able to train with the track team so I took him into the doctor to see if they could figure out what's going on. His favorite part of the whole process? He got an 'elevator pass' for school so he doesn't have...