thoughts from the deep recesses

I think this is officially my favorite time of year... cooler nights but still hot days, sharpened pencils all ready for school, pulling cardigans out of the closet... ah, fall, you have my heart... that first school bus sighting always makes my heart go pitter-patter... Vegan-ism, I find, illicits strong reactions from people. It's interesting how confounding it is to others... people ask me all the time "What do you eat?" It's so fun to list off my healthy list... fruits, vegetables, whole grains, legumes, nuts and seeds... SO many yummy choices on that list. Last night I had fresh corn cut off the cob with avocado and sweet peppers for dinner along with sourdough bread and homemade pesto. Believe me, I'm not deprived. That plate full of color and flavor made me SO happy. And I feel SO much better ALL.THE.TIME. I saw a dandelion in our new front yard the other day. AGH!  Crazy how much that one yellow flower disturbed me when compared to the plot full of wee...

I approach the blank page with a little uncertainty today... mostly because I feel I have something to say but have no idea where I'll end up. I just know I need to write. Process. Take a moment... It's been a rough summer for me. I work a lot now - more than I ever have since I had kids. And so summer looks very different for my kiddos... with mom gone a lot and them defining their days on their own. I haven't heard many complaints from them... occasionally one will groan when I remind them I'll be working... but in general, I think they're managing just fine. My struggle lies more in what happens when I'm not working... because more often than not, when I get home, they leave. This is my reality. I work - and then I come home to an empty house. Not that different from the school year routine - but somehow it feels so wrong. And sad. I miss my kids. And so I have spent much of the summer fighting a melancholy... a lost-ness... a lack of direction....