thoughts from the deep recesses

So I'm back from the Craft and Hobby Association trade show in Anaheim... took lots of pictures and will post some over the next few days. It was an interesting show. Much, much smaller in terms of vendors and attendees. Felt sort of 'gloom and doomish' as it seemed everyone was talking about manufacturers who didn't show up or companies that had been bought out over the last year only to be dissolved. Case in point: Around the Block, Heidi Grace, Cloud Nine... great companies with innovative products that will be gone in a matter of months. It's an indicator of the greater economy, for sure. I was talking on the plane on the way home with a man who's in the wholesale nursery business... they're struggling with inventory that was started growing five years ago... a much bigger problem than a few extra sheets of paper... huge trees that no one is buying... living things that were planted when people had much more expendable income. But still - crafting an...

Ethan came up to me yesterday with his MP3 player in hand. "Mom, did you know that if you turn your MP3 player all the way up, and then stick these up here..." ...he demonstrates putting the ear buds up his nose "that your whole head becomes a radio?"

Spokane has been blanketed in fog for days. It's a bit dreary. Except that it coats everything outside in the most amazing and interesting ice crystals. Frozen fog = hoarfrost . So pretty.

It's been ages since I removed pictures off my memory card, and when I did today, I found some fun things I thought I'd share! Kyler had some friends over for his birthday last month. These boys (men) have been friends since first grade... they are so big now - and so fun. Loved having them here and driving them all to the movies. They're great kids. Gracie got a new toy for Christmas. She's never ever chewed anything she's not supposed to - but she sure chews the heck out of her toys... poor Santa's head is already off and his feet have lost all their stuffing. She really, really LOVES her toys. I got a 'money tree' from Asia for Christmas. Because of all the weight I lost, all my winter clothes are much too large on me... so I really needed some money to get new clothes. Clever Asia put it all on an unused Christmas card holder - actually in the shape of a tree. Pretty cute. So far, even with ALL the snow we've had, we've only gotten one sn...

Winter in Spokane is always long. But when you add an extra week off from school for the kids because of record snowfall and the post-Africa thought processes I've been tackling, I'm struggling a bit this January. My walks are helping. Getting out every day, regardless of temperature or precipitation has been so good for my psyche. Amazing what a little exercise can do for my heart. And how much I crave my walk each day, even after only being at it for a few weeks. But honestly, I find myself fighting depression. It's been years since I've faced this. I don't know exactly what pushed it my way at this point... I think it's more the culmination of different things I'm facing... turning 40 in less than a month, having had to say goodbye to T. again, uncertainty in several areas of my life, dealing with certain pre-teen attitudes that have reared their ugly heads lately... I feel a very real and persistent unease most of the time - and stress. I think of myself...

I'm working on a class project that just isn't coming together. And my students are all over my back because they want to see it. Sometimes it's so hard to be creative on demand. Or force a project to work. Or find a way to make the class description or the vision I had for a class actually come to fruition... it's one of the only hard parts about my job. I'm not complaining, because I love my job. But I hate it when this happens. I'm struggling with post-Africa issues... this winter is such a hard one and I feel like as soon as I got back I had to jump into the holidays and snow, snow, snow. Thinking back on my trip feels almost dream-like. I even have a few things I haven't looked at since I took them out of my suitcase... it's probably time to do that. Hard to believe I was actually there . I don't know if that makes sense to anyone but me. Add that to the fact that my 40th birthday is just around the bend, and I've been in a bit of a funk. No...

So besides the whole Sierra Leone thing, I feel like I've forgotten how to blog. I think I can blame it on Facebook, where I have the ability to update people on my life with one sentence. It's as though I've forgotten how to type a paragraph. But I am determined to blog. So today is an exercise in writing. Just to break through the fog. The blog fog. See? So corny. I'm losin' it. The snow, (of which we've had over 6 feet since December 18th) has been melting this week. I think we're down to about a foot, except for the huge piles and berms from the plows and shoveling. It's supposed to continue to be above freezing, so I think the meltdown will continue. It's sloppy, but at least most of the streets are down to bare pavement now and I can walk without fear of slipping and cracking my head open. The kids were out of school on Monday, Wednesday and Thursday last week. Once because of another snow storm, and then later because of the flooding caused b...

We were on our way back to the airport. We left Banta around 8:30 am. Our flight wasn't until 10:00 that night, but we wanted to get back early for a couple of reasons... First, I needed to get to the airport to retrieve my luggage. Someone had received a call the night before that it had arrived on a flight from London and was being held for me in the airline's office. We also planned to get a 'day room' at the hotel where we stayed the first night so we could all get showered and freshen up before our long flights home. And, because the airport in Lungi is completely non-computerized, the lines can be hours long - it's best to arrive early. The city of Freetown is built on a peninsula, as you can see on the map. The airport sits on the mainland, north of the peninsula, in Lungi. When we drove to Banta, (which is southeast of Freetown, unmarked on this map somewhere between Moyamba and Bo) the decision was made to drive around the inlets and avoid Freetown altoget...

Knowing we had a LONG drive to get back to Freetown for our flight back to the States, our Monday morning was an early start. I took my last bucket bath, packed up my things (not much, since I never received my luggage!) and had breakfast with the team. When we went outside to go to the cars, all the children were waiting for us. They postponed school so the COTN kids could say goodbye. They were singing - just like they were when we arrived. I was so sad to leave these precious kids... Tejan and Mama Josephine had a gift for me - and we had a good 15 minutes to visit while the cars were being packed. Fortunately, my tears seemed to have run out the night before and I managed to keep things light for this last goodbye. I was already gearing up for the long drive over those horrifically bumpy roads. And I felt myself beginning to process leaving Africa... funny how our brains work us through goodbyes and hellos... I was starting to miss my kids and Asia a lot at this point... and still...

After the Cinderella party we had a short time before it was time to go to the final culmination of our time, the big 'Presidential Dinner' put on for all the COTN staff to honor Chris and Debbie Clark. On the schedule, this afternoon time was actually written in as 'personal time' - time for the team members to do whatever we felt like we needed to do - rest, pack, journal, spend time with someone. I knew exactly what I wanted to do. I went back down to the children's village to hang out with T. and his friends. I didn't take my camera. While I loved getting pictures - and had a goal to take as many as possible on the trip, it also was a HUGE distraction. The kids ALL want their picture taken - and they ALL want to see each and every picture, crowding around the little screen and giggling. I thought it would be easier to just leave it back in my room this time so I could just be... a person. Not a person with a camera... It was already starting to get dark by t...

Several years ago, Mama Angie (the country director of COTN Sierra Leone) came to the States with two of the children from the children's home, Patricia and Capri. (They came to our church on this visit and this was the first time we heard about COTN as a family.) While they were in the States, Patricia had a birthday, and Debbie Clark threw a Cinderella themed birthday party for her. At that party, Debbie heard Mama Angie mention that someday she would like to have a Cinderella party. Consequently, I got to help throw a Cinderella Party for Mama Angie on Sunday afternoon with all the girls, the house mothers, and the female staff of COTN. Debbie, Becky and I spent hours wrapping Hostess Ding Dongs brought from home in tulle, putting together goodie bags with tiaras and candy necklaces and filling little 'glass' slippers with butter mints. We decorated the veranda with lots of ruffles and lace and had all the girls wear their very best dresses. We gave them bubbles to blow...

Spokane has had snow falling for over 28 hours. Non-stop. It's a winter wonderland. And it takes a LOT of work to shovel it all. But it sure is pretty... The kids are home from school, of course. We've surpassed the 24 hour record for snowfall - it used to be 13" and we had over 19.5" fall in a 24 hour period. CRAZY!!! I think I'll be finishing my Christmas cards today... nothing else to do!

After lunch on Saturday, Debbie, Becky and I spent a couple of hours getting ready for a party planned with the girls of the children's home scheduled for Sunday afternoon. We made party favors and wrapped Ding-Dongs brought from home in tulle... while we were preparing, we could hear the cheers from the football field where a huge tournament was taking place. We finished up and walked over toward the end of the womens' game... Football (soccer) is huge in Sierra Leone, as it is in most of the world. Tejan loved to play, and even with his leg, could run circles around the rest of us when we'd walk over to the field by our house to play as a family. Saturday afternoon the COTN team played against a team of surrounding villagers. The women played first, then the men. Some observations: whenever a goal was made, EVERYONE supporting that team ran out onto the field to celebrate. It was mayhem. A couple of times, there were disagreements about calls made by the officials... the ...

It's the return of the Tuesday Ten... 'been awhile. "Diary of Sierra Leone" will return tomorrow. I've been surprised how much emotional energy it takes to write those entries... I just find I can't do it as quickly as I thought I would. It's okay though - the more I drag it out, the more I get to savor the memories. I finally got some Christmas presents under the tree yesterday. It looks so nice. Baby, it's cold outside. Like, realllllllly cold. Makes me want to stay inside all the time. Also makes me want to not get the next power bill - the heater is going constantly . Asia has actually been home the last few weeks. After being gone SO much in October and November, I'm loving his very presence. Together is good. We had a Christmas party with our small group on Sunday... lots of good food and good fun. I made L'il Smokies wrapped in bacon and baked in a brown sugar glaze... (I know - how healthy !) and I am telling you - they were d.e.l.i.c...

My teammate, Jim Brown, just emailed me these pictures from my trip... this is from the baptism I described in my post about our first day in Banta. They make me extremely happy... I'm so happy he sent them.