So yesterday, I was all in a dither about a girls' night out I was planning to attend... my girlfriends are all so pickin' perfect. Their houses are immaculately decorated, and they all exercise religiously, and they're all totally adorable. Add to all that the fact that they're all highly educated and I can work myself into a sweat wondering how I can ever keep up. I'm terrible at small talk. I'm about 10 pounds heavier than I want to be right now. I dropped out of college. I still don't feel like I fit in after almost 7 years here... it's enough to make me want to crawl in a hole and never come out. However, that was not an option, and I knew it. I had to go - wanted to, even, because even with all my feelings of inferiority, I still deeply love these women.
But, in the midst of my dither, I was blessed with a quiet morning and more time than usual before the kids woke up. I spent my time with God, reading and thinking through this "friend struggle" I've had. And then I came across Galatians 1:10. Am I trying to please man rather than God? Bullseye!!! How silly am I, not to recognize this very basic sin? I worry so much about what these women think of me - that I could never begin to serve them in any way that honors God. My eyes have been so self-focused. For seven years. SEVEN YEARS! I felt such tremendous release and freedom as I confessed. And God blessed me with a very sweet evening with my friends. An evening where we ALL cried and shared God's faithfulness to us. Where these perfect women shared struggles and pain and sorrow that I can honestly say I hope I never have to carry. And yet, if I had to, I believe each and every one of these women would be by my side. And now, I am finally free from my destructive self-focus and can hopefully be the friend I need to be to each of them in their struggles.
Sometimes I am overwhelmed by God's patience with me.
But, in the midst of my dither, I was blessed with a quiet morning and more time than usual before the kids woke up. I spent my time with God, reading and thinking through this "friend struggle" I've had. And then I came across Galatians 1:10. Am I trying to please man rather than God? Bullseye!!! How silly am I, not to recognize this very basic sin? I worry so much about what these women think of me - that I could never begin to serve them in any way that honors God. My eyes have been so self-focused. For seven years. SEVEN YEARS! I felt such tremendous release and freedom as I confessed. And God blessed me with a very sweet evening with my friends. An evening where we ALL cried and shared God's faithfulness to us. Where these perfect women shared struggles and pain and sorrow that I can honestly say I hope I never have to carry. And yet, if I had to, I believe each and every one of these women would be by my side. And now, I am finally free from my destructive self-focus and can hopefully be the friend I need to be to each of them in their struggles.
Sometimes I am overwhelmed by God's patience with me.
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