So yesterday I was totally in a funk - all day. I got up, watched Good Morning America for updates on the gulf coast, then proceeded to mope around the house all day. I'm determined to make my existing tank of gas last for at least a year, since I keep hearing reports of gas going up to $4.00 a gallon in the very near future, so I didn't want to leave the house... it was ugly.
I can be very hermit-like at times. Darn those silly kids who need me to get off the couch and make them food, and the house, which requires cleaning and care. Left without these kinds of responsibilities, I could be one of those strange women who holes up for days with nothing but a can of quick oats and her television (or laptop). I can sit in a room alone in total silence for hours, just being. I don't know if that makes me weird. It probably does. But either way, I don't have the luxury to indulge my weirdness, for I have responsibilities, and that's probably God's sovereignty at work, getting me off my butt and out into the world.
I can be very hermit-like at times. Darn those silly kids who need me to get off the couch and make them food, and the house, which requires cleaning and care. Left without these kinds of responsibilities, I could be one of those strange women who holes up for days with nothing but a can of quick oats and her television (or laptop). I can sit in a room alone in total silence for hours, just being. I don't know if that makes me weird. It probably does. But either way, I don't have the luxury to indulge my weirdness, for I have responsibilities, and that's probably God's sovereignty at work, getting me off my butt and out into the world.
So today is a new day. I'm up and full of plans - I did get out last night to go to the library (at Asia's insistence - he can always tell when I need to do something...) so I've got a great stack of books to peruse - one titled "Jaded - Hope for believers who have given up on church but not on God", a Thomas Merton book, "Dialogues with Silence", "Traveling Mercies" by Anne Lamott, and "Sense and Sensibility", which shockingly, I've never read. I think after getting the kitchen floor mopped, I'll go outside on a blanket and read - but only for about an hour, because I want to do some baking today too...
I recently finished Don Miller's "Blue Like Jazz", which made me cry great sobbing cries at the end - his chapters on Love and Community cut into my soul and broke my heart... if you haven't read this book, you really should. Maybe it's just this place God has me that makes me so vulnerable and soft, but I was totally blown away by the author's philosophy and view of God. For a long time I've been so self-serving - all under the guise of "ministry" - I just don't want to be that way anymore.
This is feeling like a pretty heavy post. I'm sure it's the remnants of yesterday pushing through my fingers to the keys... and of course, with the uncertainty so much of our country is facing right now, I'm heavy hearted... I just cannot grasp the extent of the damage and the multitudes of people who have lost all sense of earthly security... it's sobering.
I think I'll stop now, before I end up wallowing again today. I think I'll go bake first - baking always makes me happy - and I've got a recipe for an apple gallette that I can actually eat because it's straight from the pages of Weight Watcher's magazine (thanks, Mom!).
I'll let you know how it turns out.
Hey Cathy,
ReplyDeleteYou made me feel so much better today. Aren't I sick? I grow concerned often at what a scary hermit person I could be too....God knew better. Love what you are reading....Blue like Jazz was totally empowering - I wonder why I never thought to go to Reed College, hmmmm.
Yesterday I don't know who fed the kids or the dog....and I just organized my bathroom drawers - how does that take all day???? Hey I am baking today too - only because I have zucchini and bananas growing hair in my fridge.....my heart breaks for New Orleans and the gulf coast as well - so many of the poorest parts of the South have been hit so hard.....I have parked the van because here in canada gas is at over a dollar a litre (conversion is $4 something a gallon!) Scary! We will need the van in the winter - you could freeze to death walking...
Hi Cathy!
ReplyDeleteI found you through Corey's blog, and have been loving reading your thoughts.
"Blue Like Jazz" was fantastic. I couldn't put it down. I just finished reading "Through Painted Deserts" also by Donald Miller, and recommend it too - just a wandering journey with some fantasticly deep and profound thoughts as part of it.
Lisa
Cath, thanks for letting me in to your "secret" thoughts. I'll look forward to reading the book. Here's to the journey!!!!
ReplyDeleteOK, I went back and read the whole blog and loved reading your thoughts. I laughed, cried, and felt proud to be mentioned by name! I also grieved over any part of making you sad that I might have ever played. I hope you always know how valuable your friendship is to me!!! In my next life I will blog too, but for now you'll just have to talk to me on the phone to hear my thoughts. (I know, I know, it is not your favorite thing to do. :-))
ReplyDeletePS Who the heck is Mary?
I love you, dear friend!!
I'm sure the intent is *not* for me to leave 3 comments, but I forgot to mention one thing. That picture of you kinda scares me. :-)
ReplyDeleteIt kinda smacks of librarian meets beatnick poet. You are much prettier in "real life."
Lisa - welcome to my blog - glad you stopped by for a visit. I didn't know Miller had another book - I'm aware of his newest one, but the one you referred to is new to me... I'll be on the lookout for it.
ReplyDeleteMindy - I wish you could hear the heavy sigh of relief I just breathed... you read the whole thing, and you still like me? Phew! I treasure your friendship too and am SO thankful for your persistence in calling me, since heaven knows how I hate to pick up the phone. Love you.
Oh - and Mary... remember Mary Thompson? Honestly, Min - it hasn't been that long, has it? LOL!
ReplyDeleteSorry about the picture, Mindy - I kind of like how artsy fartsy it looks. I'll change it just for you though, because I don't want you being afraid.
ReplyDeleteAnd don't ever apologize for leaving multiple comments - I LIVE FOR COMMENTS!
Very cute picture! The old one is definitely artsy but it just doesn't seem like you to me. :-) Not that you aren't artsy, of course, but I like the new one better.
ReplyDeleteI'm glad Mary called you, I know she has lamented the passing of old friendships and is very good about staying in touch.
PS I assumed it was Mary T, but I didn't know you were calling buddies. :-)
We could have long conversations here and never talk on the phone. Of course, I'm not sure that the whole world-wide-web is interested. :-) Sorry to those of you reading this. :-)
Ooh - I might have to change the picture back - I want to look like a real writer... what a dilema. Maybe we'll take a vote. Or maybe not. Either way, it's a diversion from sitting here watching the news... maybe I'll change it every day just to keep everyone guessing.
ReplyDeleteOK, perhaps scary was the wrong word. Maybe you could post the many faces of Cathy and rotate. But, you are adorable no matter what.
ReplyDeleteKelly - ooh - yea, I like that picture too. It's on the other computer, but maybe I'll change to that one... although the really straight eyelashes are disturbing... But - in that tiny profile picture I bet they'll hardly be noticable.
ReplyDeleteHey - did you notice anything interesting in my sidebar? (Never mind that I worked for hours to figure out how to do it - and I did it all just for you...) It's okay that you haven't said anything, really...
Cathy,
ReplyDeleteMiller's "Through Painted Deserts" is actually a reissue of his first book, written years ago under the title "Prayer and the Art of Volkswagen Maintenance". I think the old title is more fun, but either way, the book is a good read.
Lisa