Okay. So I'm cautiously optimistic about the church... and I say cautiously only because I'm making a conscious effort to be a little guarded. If I weren't, I'd have signed away my soul yesterday - volunteering for all sorts of wonderful ministry opportunities and having the pastor over for a roast. (Good thing I didn't have one in the crock-pot, or it would have been all I could do to stop myself from inviting him over...)
We really liked it.
I bawled my way through communion... now first of all, you need to understand, that by some fluke of differing ideas about when communion should be held, for the past 6 weeks at least, every church we've gone to has had communion. (Evidently not everyone subscribes to the conservative baptist 11th commandment: Thou shalt have communion on the first Sunday of the month...) So, we've been having lots of grape juice and crackers. All good - for I love the chance to reflect on Christ's wonderful, terrible sacrifice for me. Except that Asia sees taking communion as a sort of communing with a particular church body as well, so he hasn't been participating. (Which is fine, but a little awkward, since I'm just sure everyone is looking at me as one of those poor women who is unequally yoked... shudder!) Anywho - yesterday, Asia wanted to take communion. Somehow, by the amazing Spirit of God - we were both blown away by the feeling of community and love and acceptance and healing - and celebrating Christ's death with this body felt totally right. We went up together, tore off our piece of bread "Christ's body - broken for you" and dipped it in the cup "Christ's blood, shed for you" and returned to our seats. I cried huge silent tears - running down my face like a flood of surrender and healing... all I can say is I felt so at home and so welcomed and such a sense on belonging. I don't think I realized how very very long it's been since I've felt that - for even before we left the ex-church there were months and months of tension and fear - not exactly conducive to great worship and surrender...
My heart is relieved. We'll go back. And we'll be careful still - our hearts are very tender and hurt, and it will take time before we are ready for any sort of real involvement. I'm not sure in which ways we've been changed permanently - we'll just have to see what God chooses to do with us now. These new, scarred hearts we now carry will for sure minister differently than the more trusting hearts we had before - and it will be interesting to see how God puts them to work...
Cautiously optimistic.
But happy.
We really liked it.
I bawled my way through communion... now first of all, you need to understand, that by some fluke of differing ideas about when communion should be held, for the past 6 weeks at least, every church we've gone to has had communion. (Evidently not everyone subscribes to the conservative baptist 11th commandment: Thou shalt have communion on the first Sunday of the month...) So, we've been having lots of grape juice and crackers. All good - for I love the chance to reflect on Christ's wonderful, terrible sacrifice for me. Except that Asia sees taking communion as a sort of communing with a particular church body as well, so he hasn't been participating. (Which is fine, but a little awkward, since I'm just sure everyone is looking at me as one of those poor women who is unequally yoked... shudder!) Anywho - yesterday, Asia wanted to take communion. Somehow, by the amazing Spirit of God - we were both blown away by the feeling of community and love and acceptance and healing - and celebrating Christ's death with this body felt totally right. We went up together, tore off our piece of bread "Christ's body - broken for you" and dipped it in the cup "Christ's blood, shed for you" and returned to our seats. I cried huge silent tears - running down my face like a flood of surrender and healing... all I can say is I felt so at home and so welcomed and such a sense on belonging. I don't think I realized how very very long it's been since I've felt that - for even before we left the ex-church there were months and months of tension and fear - not exactly conducive to great worship and surrender...
My heart is relieved. We'll go back. And we'll be careful still - our hearts are very tender and hurt, and it will take time before we are ready for any sort of real involvement. I'm not sure in which ways we've been changed permanently - we'll just have to see what God chooses to do with us now. These new, scarred hearts we now carry will for sure minister differently than the more trusting hearts we had before - and it will be interesting to see how God puts them to work...
Cautiously optimistic.
But happy.
Glad to hear about your beautiful communion on Sunday - I side with Asia on the communion/community thing. Paul and I were deeply healed at a communion service about 4 years ago after our church burnout period - I so did not want to do communion due to hating the church, but I submitted to Paul's lead to go to a table....I spilled the beans at the table and said I am okay with Jesus, can't stand the Bride - Paul about peed his pants right there....the elders wept and prayed over us - and I felt communion for the first time in years.....love those moments- I hang on to them now as God continues the process of restoration in my life. Oh God, heal Asia and Cathy's hearts....
ReplyDeleteThat's utterly awesome. What a great post. Thanks for sharing.
ReplyDeleteCathy, I'm so glad for you. I can't wait to hear all the details.
ReplyDeleteThis Sunday is our church's grand opening. One point of interest for our grand opening is the announcement of our church preparing to help plant another church. Dave Wilkenson and some of his team from The Porch Church which is preparing to launch in the fall of 2006 will be at our launch. I know you guys checked out this opportunity already and I assume you didn't feel a connection, so this is just fyi and to let you know our church is reaching out to your community.
ReplyDelete