Tales from the dog house

So the kids and I were out of the house bright and early for a rehearsal at the school - we had to be there by 8:00. I got up early, took my shower, got the kids up and running, fed the dog, and had time to run to Starbucks before we went to the school. S. put the dog in her crate as we headed out the door, as usual.

Now, the crate is such a good thing. The dog is contained. She can't chew anything up or ruin anything or get into stuff she shouldn't while we're gone. Generally, she just sleeps until we return.

Unless of course, some genius decides to put something in her crate that doesn't belong there.

Now - I can't point fingers yet, because both S. and E. were in there when Gracie was being put away. So I don't know who decided it would be a good idea to put S.'s little yellow squishy pillow in the crate with the dog.

All I know, is that when I got home and went to let the dog out, the crate, the room, the dog and her blankets were all covered with what appeared to be snow. But wait. We're inside. It's not snow. No - not snow... little teeny tiny itty-bitty styrofoam balls. We're talking poppyseed sized balls. With magical clinging powers...

I throw the dog outside - I certainly didn't want her shaking and getting those little balls everywhere. Not that it would have mattered. They already were everywhere.

Now, I have a tendency to overexaggerate numerically. If I'm telling you a story about seeing a bunch of ducks at the park, I'll say we saw thousands, when in actuality, it was probably only a hundred. But I exaggerate not when I tell you there were quattuorvigintillion (that's 10 to the 75th power - I looked it up) little white balls all over everything.

And like I stated, they had secret powers. They could stick to vertical surfaces. And clothes. And blankets. And they could jump. And fly. When I tried to vacuum them, they were small enough that they could get out of the filter - but too small for the brushes on the bottom of the vacuum to pick them up. The only way to get them was with the hose.

So for 45 minutes, I hosed up those little teeny tiny white balls. I had to empty the filter four times. Into my already very full garbage can. I can't wait to see what happens when the garbage truck comes tomorrow and dumps those babies out.

I had to vacuum in between my toes to get them out. I vacuumed the vacuum. I vacuumed the crate and the rugs and the shoes and the walls and the hose attachments.

I can say with pretty firm conviction - forget the lake of fire - hell would be to be surrounded by these little white balls, with a vacuum that just keeps spitting them back out.

The poor dog had them up her nose. In her hair. Who knows if she ate any. I guess we'll find out...

So here's my little public service announcement for the day:
If you possess one of those really soft squishy pillows, and there's any chance that any creature in your house might ever possibly tear it or rip it or ruin it, don't hesitate. Don't wait. Don't hang onto it for sentimental reasons. Just throw it out. Now. It's much easier to toss it out now when all those teeny tiny balls are contained inside the pillow.

You do not want to vacuum them. Believe me.