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Ramblings of a loner

I'm supposed to be at a potluck for S.'s soccer team in two hours and I have no idea what I'm going to take. The food department at the Goins household has been severely lacking of late, and I'm clueless about what to make. The last potluck we had to go to I stopped on the way and bought chicken... such a shame, I know, but always popular with the kids.

Frankly, I don't want to go to the potluck.

This has been one of those weeks where I've been running non-stop from activity to activity. Tonight I'd love to just stay home. Curl up on the couch and read. I've got stacks of great library books right now and no time to read.

I can be such a hermit.

I'm noticing myself in yet another transition in terms of relationships... we're slowly getting to know people at the new church, but sadly, I see many of my old friendships fading to some degree. This is in many ways my fault, since I'm so bad about picking up the phone... but even when I do manage to pick up the phone, it takes weeks to hear back from people, if I hear at all.

Thing is, we're off the radar for those old friends. We don't see each other at church anymore, and for many of them, we seldom saw each other outside of church. If we did, it was for a church function, most likely.

How long do you pursue relationships that maybe just need to tucker out naturally?

I don't know.

But I'm feeling the chill of a fire that is petering out... friendships that have cooled to the point where the embers are nearly faded, and unless I work really hard, I think that realistically, the fire's going to die.

There is a mild sadness that comes along with this realization. I had just reached the point where I felt I finally had some good friends. And I'm sort of lonely. Not desperately, because I've not had a 'daily contact' kind of friend since we moved to Spokane. I've been a bit of a lone ranger here, so feeling friendships end doesn't really impact my daily life in a tangible way. But it does impact my heart...

I've wondered for some time why God has me in this place. Are there women I need to be reaching out to? Or is this just a time for me to really depend on God and Asia to meet my friendship needs?

I don't know. It's just been on my mind.

It's probably a PMS thing.

'Cause now I feel a little like crying.

Well, heck.

I think I'm tired.

Comments

  1. Cathy - I have been having the same experience since we switched churches. So many things have changed, and friendships are shifting. I haven't found my "niche" hear yet. My kids aren't as small as they were at the other church, so those easy to make talking over the kids heads opportunities aren't there, and I am not good at hello's.
    Just wanted to let you know you are not alone! I miss some of my old friends. I should pick up the phone, but don't. God has started guiding me toward the youth group activities. Maybe this is where I belong and will make some friends. We'll see!

    ReplyDelete
  2. Anonymous5:58 AM

    Cathy,
    I couldnt have said it better myself. You always make me think. I always look forward to reading your entries.

    I am not sure that I have any advice but if there were any gals that you just totally connected with then maybe reach out and see what happens... if nothing then I guess move on.. they will reach back one day once they see what a great friend you are.

    Isnt it wonderful that we have Christ and our husbands when it feels the rest of the world steps out? I had a perfect example of this just this week... I have been struggling a lot latley with so many things... usually dh doesnt even notice let alone comment... this week he actually talked to me about it and it brought me to tears.. you know the kind of tears that you cant control... sobbing kind.... he touched me with his words.. I didnt know, or I didnt feel he cared until he spoke up.. it really changed my week.

    I think this works the same with God too... he just wants us to talk to Him... have a relationship... priceless

    Hugs to you Cathy. Love, Me

    ReplyDelete
  3. Cathy,
    I have had the same experiences and for me, it was God teaching me that some poeple fill a need for a season in our life. My husband is in the military and we move every few years and that means I have to pick up and meet new people each time... but it also means we have to say good-bye to friends we have made. It is impossible for me to keep in close contact with all of them every time we move. BUt, there are special ones that "get" you. And you "get" them and my suggestion is to continue to invest, even if it is one sided for a time. I will add this to my prayer list. I have been enjoying praying with you and for you ;)
    Suz

    ReplyDelete
  4. Anonymous8:35 AM

    Hey Cathy,
    Lots of relating and understanding where you are, friend. I have had similar questions and feelings in this last bit. I sometimes wonder if it is symptomatic of our age and our children's ages....relationally I am exhausted by my children - there is a lot more talking and processing relationships that they are going through.
    AND as I have integrated out of the local church, I have recognized the shallowness of so called friendships that only related to seeing each other at a one hour service across the room and a couple "extra meetings" every month...even just catching a chat over the top of my kids heads just isn't enough to constitute a real connection. I desire to be known, and it seems as you grow older - it just seems there is so much more to know and that it takes time and commitment....that is why I am thankful for the husband that God gave me.
    I don't think I am desperate for a deep relationship - I don't think you are either....it would just be an added blessing to an already full life to have a few special friends to just share the blessings with... I don't have tons of revelation, but I do know where you are and HEY we are PMSing together...Kez is turning 12 and I am beginning to see that we will be manicure/pedicure friends in a couple years-so that is something to look forward to. Gotta run - my dog is not feeling great today and so I need to check all his poos....fun day.

    ReplyDelete

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