I dreamt about Mr. Financial Advisor last night. Something about buying groceries and leaving some chips at his office... and his office was right next to the store where I work. Why are dreams so weird? My Mom was there and she bought a pack of cigarettes at the grocery store. My Mom would no sooner buy cigarettes than crack cocaine. Although she does buy beer occasionally for beer bread, I've heard...
Our pastor was out of town yesterday, so we had a guest speaker at church. He did one of those awful 'let's take three minutes and share the love of Jesus with one another' things in the middle of his sermon. Where you're supposed to share significant tidbits from your life and express significant interest in the stranger behind you - and then pray for each other.
You know what I did?
I went and hid in the bathroom. If Asia would stay next to me, and pretend to be my 'stranger' then I wouldn't have to go hide. But since meeting strangers is what he thrives on and he was gone before the pastor said 'go!' I had no other choice but to slink away. I thought I was going to be okay, because the friend who sat next to me leaned over as the pastor was describing what we were to do, and said, "This is the worst moment of my life." Naturally, I assumed that meant he was chicken like me and would sit next to me and pretend to be my 'stranger.' But no. He took off too.
I hate 'greeting time' at church. But when you add small talk that's supposed to be significant and meaningful and then prayer, sheesh. You might as well tie me to a post and feed me jalepenos. I'm sweatin', folks.
So, there it is: I'm a coward. And I'm sure I'm totally sinning by being so self-focused.
It pretty much ruined my day. Made me feel all icky about myself. And made me cranky and tired.
So I was glad to wake up this morning and have a new day ahead. Love that 'His mercies are new every morning' thing God does. I know, it doesn't excuse my lameness. And it doesn't change it. But at least I can move on and ponder and pray about it...
I'm experiencing a lot of two steps forward, three steps back lately. Like just when I think I've got the whole healthy eating thing under control, I eat ice cream three nights in a row. Or when I think I've developed a good workout routine, I'm still eager to let it slide if I feel just the teeniest bit overwhelmed by a busy schedule. It's frustrating. Add my struggles with relationships and my fear of putting myself out there to reach out to others and I'm a total basket case.
Makes me want to just go to bed. And stay there.
Or bake cookies and eat them all.
The cruise is less than three weeks away. I think a change of scenery will be good. And some uninterrupted time with my husband. And some sunshine.
For now I'll just schlump away.
It's Monday friends. Have a great week.
Our pastor was out of town yesterday, so we had a guest speaker at church. He did one of those awful 'let's take three minutes and share the love of Jesus with one another' things in the middle of his sermon. Where you're supposed to share significant tidbits from your life and express significant interest in the stranger behind you - and then pray for each other.
You know what I did?
I went and hid in the bathroom. If Asia would stay next to me, and pretend to be my 'stranger' then I wouldn't have to go hide. But since meeting strangers is what he thrives on and he was gone before the pastor said 'go!' I had no other choice but to slink away. I thought I was going to be okay, because the friend who sat next to me leaned over as the pastor was describing what we were to do, and said, "This is the worst moment of my life." Naturally, I assumed that meant he was chicken like me and would sit next to me and pretend to be my 'stranger.' But no. He took off too.
I hate 'greeting time' at church. But when you add small talk that's supposed to be significant and meaningful and then prayer, sheesh. You might as well tie me to a post and feed me jalepenos. I'm sweatin', folks.
So, there it is: I'm a coward. And I'm sure I'm totally sinning by being so self-focused.
It pretty much ruined my day. Made me feel all icky about myself. And made me cranky and tired.
So I was glad to wake up this morning and have a new day ahead. Love that 'His mercies are new every morning' thing God does. I know, it doesn't excuse my lameness. And it doesn't change it. But at least I can move on and ponder and pray about it...
I'm experiencing a lot of two steps forward, three steps back lately. Like just when I think I've got the whole healthy eating thing under control, I eat ice cream three nights in a row. Or when I think I've developed a good workout routine, I'm still eager to let it slide if I feel just the teeniest bit overwhelmed by a busy schedule. It's frustrating. Add my struggles with relationships and my fear of putting myself out there to reach out to others and I'm a total basket case.
Makes me want to just go to bed. And stay there.
Or bake cookies and eat them all.
The cruise is less than three weeks away. I think a change of scenery will be good. And some uninterrupted time with my husband. And some sunshine.
For now I'll just schlump away.
It's Monday friends. Have a great week.
Hey it has been a while since I have commented-I am still here, but no great quips or thoughts....EXCEPT today when you mention a total pet peeve of mine about church!!! You should not feel bad about not wanting to share in depth where you are at with people that you may only sit one hour a week with in the general vicinity of one another.... and you should not feel like scum that for three minutes in a service you are forced to loose your sense of personal boundary... what are we teaching people!!! In a world where so many boundaries have been crossed and people have not known how to have healthy community, relationship, etc. and where we are overexposing each other all over the place....sheeesh, it makes me crazy. I have sat in counseling sessions with people who have "shared" and no one knew what to do or how to help....even just to give a "band aid" prayer so that a person can walk out with some semblance of the love of God despite brokenness.... these minutes with strangers can do so much damage...I am not saying that we shouldn't pray for one another -but could we go for coffee and have it not be in such a highly charged setting...I think all the "healthy" people are in the bathroom...ah, maybe not but I am so desirous of real and true that I so wish that we would think a tiny bit about how healing really occurs for people -not in overexposure, but in safety and love infused by Christ. I might be with ya in the bathroom -but don't schlump away... you are a deep person who understands where a safe place should be - and I am sure a prayer in the bathroom for all those souls who need a Jesus' touch (including yourself) may do more good than you could ever know....
ReplyDeleteWith you on some of the basket case feelings....I will email some more personal stuff, but I needed a good rant about something...it has been awhile.
also my pet peeve at church. Right there with ya!
ReplyDeleteLove you, Cath!! Really!!! Just.like.you.are.
ReplyDeleteYou are wonderfully created!
ReplyDeleteI can so relate. I love you. I truly do. I think you are amazing. Just as you are. I know God feels the same.
Artificial Intimacy. That's what it is. Not even Jesus likes that. It's such a fake thing to do! Ugh! I am totally with you on this!
ReplyDeleteCathy,
ReplyDeleteFirst time commenter, longer time reader. I'm an old roomate of Asia's from College days at the Alpha Omega house in Eugene. We touched base digitally earlier this year, and he pointed me to your Blog. I've really enjoyed reading - in fact, you inspired me to finally create my own - at blog.rubesh.info.
I just had to jump in and say "me too" to this post. In our church out here in Oman, they call it "passing the peace of Christ." You walk around with a silly grin pasted on your face and find strangers to shake hands genuinely with. I guess you're supposed to say "the peace of Christ" or something. I usually look for strangers that I know... like my kids. My two-year old has to wonder about these "peas of Christ" though.
Anyway - thanks for being real!
Kevin