thoughts from the deep recesses

Yesterday morning I was enjoying a bit of a sleep-in when I heard the door to Ethan's room open. Asia was already gone on a man-date to coffee. E. crawled into bed right beside me, tears in his eyes. "What's wrong, bud?" I asked. He held up a car Tejan and I had picked out for him at a garage sale the day before and stammered through his tears... " Well, I just saw that this car is made in China. And I was sucking on it before I knew that. And I DON'T WANT TO DIE! Because you know how everything from China has lead in it." I reassured him that unless he fully ate about fifty of the tainted cars, I was pretty sure he would be okay. But that of course he shouldn't put his toys in his mouth. And then we proceeded with our morning snuggle and on with our day. When I was a kid you could suck on just about anything without worrying about dying... and I'm pretty sure a lot of our toys were made in China too. And when it snowed, I had to walk about ten ...

Tejan and Quami at church last weekend... T. got to share a little about what his life was like before he went to live with Children of the Nations and how his life is better now... he did a great job. Kyler at his first cross country race. He came in 46th out of about 100 kids. Then two days later at the next meet he came in 16th... he was smokin'! Dinner at Panda Express, which just opened up about a mile from our house! We LOVE Panda! This is what I see when Gracie wants in the back door. How cute is she?

I am just as annoyed by a television that is too quiet as one that is too loud. Same with the radio. I need my audio at just the perfect level or it just drives me crazy and I'd rather have it off altogether. Tejan and I are loving Tom and Jerry cartoons. I used to love to watch them with Ethan when he was home with me... I think they're funnier than Looney Toons even. I can't stop thinking about the sermon at church two weeks ago. I was so challenged by it. What does it mean to live without fear? If you want, you can listen to it here . Speaking of good sermons, if you want to hear Quami (Tejan's 'big brother') tell his story of God's protection during the war in Sierra Leone, you can hear it here . I think we may be dealing with a minor infection in one of Tejan's legs... it's swollen and hot this morning. Now I have to see how I can fit a doctor's appointment into my crazy day. Speaking of doctor's appointments, we go in for a CT scan of T...

Tejan is home from school today... Busy weekend. Too busy. Visitors from Sierra Leone here - and I didn't insist he rest as much as I should have. And we paid the price in hours of pain and sleeplessness and tears last night. *** He seems to be feeling better today... One day at a time. One day at a time.

I'm learning a bit of Krio (Seirra Leonean Creole)... Bololo = worms, titi = girl, bobo = boy, wo-wha = bad... we have the most interesting conversations in Krio. Ow di bohdi? It's a fun launguage to learn and speak... We have an oral surgeon who has agreed to do surgery on Tejan's jaw. Have I mentioned his jaw problems here? I can't remember. Anyway - he needs surgery on his jaw and there is a very gracious doctor who is working very very hard to assemble a team of doctors here to perform the difficult procedure. It will be a much harder recovery than his leg surgery... and he will be here longer than originally planned. I'm good with it... it absolutely needs to be addressed. I just have to gear up for more time in the hospital. And pray for healing again... and strength. I'm working today. Good to get a bit of time out of the house. We have other Sierra Leoneans coming to town this weekend... Quami, who is a staff member at the children's home where Teja...

Sometimes the best laid plans just ain't enough... Tejan hasn't made it back to school at all this week... seems the doctor's advice to wean him off his pain meds over the weekend wasn't the best idea - and so we've been playing catch up for three days, going back to an 'every four hours' routine with the meds. He was in so much pain without them. It's discouraging for me. I want him to begin to feel better. And I sort of want to (selfishly) return to a bit of a normal groove... get the kids off to school, run errands, work, lay on the couch and watch tv and eat bon bons... you know the routine . Instead, I've had this little boy who can't walk without pain and have been house bound all week. Truly house bound, because Asia is gone and with Kyler running cross country, there's no time in the afternoon for me to run errands - my babysitter isn't home! So I've adjusted some of my plans. School newspaper that I hoped to get out this week...

It's been weeks since I've been able to write a Ten on Tuesday. I've actually been thinking about it for the last three days - how fun it was going to be to get back in the groove... and now, I can't think of a thing to write about. Freak. I read The Glass Castle while in the hospital with T. Have you read it? What an amazing story of resilience. Good stuff. I've got to get a cello for Savannah - she started orchestra at school and decided the cello was her instrument of choice. I LOVE cello... curious to see what it's going to cost to rent one... gotta get that taken care of today or tomorrow. It's cool and rainy here today. I think fall may actually be coming. I've begun to see a few leaves turning around town. I love fall so much. My eyes feel as though they aren't big enough to take in all the color - it's just so beautiful. Got my hair cut a couple weeks ago. I love my hairdresser. LOVE her. But I hate that a haircut that used to cost me $...

Tejan had never tasted cotton candy before yesterday... His reaction when he put it into his mouth for the first time? "It's gone!"

Tejan came along with me this morning... he loves to garage sale. He is getting around quite well with his walker and is walking now without pain. He managed to get in and out of the car at least six or seven times this morning and was able wander around the sales and ask for every little toy he could find... I bought him some new videos at one sale... since he is spending quite a bit of time still on the couch, I thought he could use something new to watch. As we were driving to the next sale and he was looking through his stack of videos, this was our conversation. Tejan: "Auntie - thank you for these movies." Me: "You're welcome, Tejan." Tejan: "May God bless you!" Me: "God has blessed me!" Tejan: "May He bless you again. Many times!" Honestly . How can you not love a child who is so grateful? And kind... He challenges me.

Hi friends. We're home. A day early. Surgery went well. No complications - and they were able to do what they set out to do. We had a rough night last night - with T. waking up every couple of hours in pain... then fighting the pain meds because he didn't like the taste, and then having to wait a half hour for the meds to start working while he moaned and cried. It was exhausting, to say the least. I found myself at about 3:00 am pretty convinced that I was going to have to have a good solid cry... but I managed to hold it together ...mmmmostly . I was just so tired . And struggling with knowing how best to comfort him... With my own kids I would have just crawled into bed and snuggled up next to them to hold them tight until they settled down. But there are some pretty major cultural differences we face with Tejan, and that wouldn't have worked for him. I'm thankful that prayer and scripture has a calming effect on him... he loves to have stories read from the bible. W...

We'll be leaving in about 20 minutes for the hospital. I'll try to post an update tomorrow when I run home for a shower... The Lord gives strength to his people; the Lord blesses his people with peace. Psalm 29:11

I've copied and pasted this from an email I sent this evening to the many people who have come around us to support Tejan... too tired to do anything more tonight. Hugs, friends. "Dear friends, I'm writing from home tonight after a very long and exhausting day at the hospital. Tejan is on the floor playing with new toys he received after his blood draw this afternoon, but I can see that he is also very tired tonight. It was a long day. But one where I felt the peace and calm that only comes from answered prayers. Tejan was eager to go this morning and excited to ride on an elevator (for apparently the very first time.) After being shown the room where he will stay beginning on Wednesday, he began the long series of tests and introductions to the staff who will be involved in his care. Fortunately, Shriner's is VERY good at dealing with children, and it shows in the dedication and care we received throughout the day. All in all, Tejan was a trooper. He was terrified of...

Crazy how starting back to school with FOUR kids has thrown me for such a loop this year. Somehow there hasn't been any time to blog. This morning Tejan and I go to the hopsital for a day of testing. I expect to be at the hospital most of the time this whole week... with surgery scheduled for Wednesday... We have several families bringing us meals this week... what a blessing. I am so thankful to not have to worry about cooking/providing healthy meals for the family... Tejan told me last night at bedtime that he is not worried about going today. But this is a pattern I see in him... he seems fine facing new things until just minutes before it's time to go. And then he curls up in a ball and refuses to move. (Sometimes literally, sometimes figuratively.) The point is - he puts the brakes on big time. I anticipate the same thing when it's time to go today. I'm a bit anxious, because I'm unfamiliar with this hospital... for some reason, I'm all freaked out about no...

My worries about my kids yesterday were unfounded. They all LOVED their first day of school - Tejan included. He had the biggest smile on his face when I went to pick him up. God was faithful to answer my prayers... As I laid in bed last night I was overwhelmed with the feeling that my life is never going to be the same... this experience of welcoming Tejan into our family is one that I am convinced will alter my heart forever. I cried as I tried to explain it to Asia last night. It's as though God's love is coursing through me with such violent power that I can do nothing but surrender to it. I cannot control it - for it is so much larger than I. It is so obviously from God and not of myself. My heart is overflowing with gratitude that our family gets to know this boy in this way. I see it changing my kids. They are more aware of others. More appreciative. And they love Tejan too - with the same depth as if he'd always been with us. How does that happen? Only by Divine a...

Normally on the first day of school I heave a huge heavy sigh of relief. Summer is over. My house is quiet. And I can dive into my household and job responsibilities with renewed vigor and enthusiasm. Today though, I'm struggling. It was a bit of a tough first day... We sent Kyler off to junior high, which is so hard on this poor Mom's heart. Because he just started kindergarten. Didn't he? And now he's this large deep voiced young man who shaves and wears size 12 Vans. And he's in junior high. With something like 800 other kids. YIKES! He's a good boy. And I know he'll be fine. At least I hope he'll be fine. It's just hard to send him off to that big ugly school. Somehow it doesn't feel the same as letting him walk up the street to our neighborhood elementary school. And then we had Tejan, who up until this morning was excited about attending school. But this morning, decided he did not want to go. And who dragged his feet the whole way there....

Not enough sleep when having a friend spend the night leads to a tired girl who falls asleep on the couch... My kids - all five of them... Crazy bike riding boy... all day long, up and down the street... A fun family photo shoot I got to do for some friends... all such beautiful people! Lemonade, anyone? The kids made $12 selling cookies and lemonade the other day... A shot Tejan took with my camera at the Labor Day Symphony in the Park concert... Off to school! Hip, hip, hooray!