thoughts from the deep recesses

Melissa from Spokane! (Sorry Melissa from Texas, I hope I didn't make you get all excited and then dash your hopes!) Thanks for all your lovely comments yesterday. It was great to read all the ways you know Spring is coming... and find a little hope that it must be on it's way, since some of you are hearing birds chirp... and the days are getting longer too, have you noticed? I love Getting to Know You Wednesdays. So Melissa - go take a look at Your Music and find what you want, then email me with your choice and your mailing address and I'll get your CD ordered for you pronto! (And we haven't received Stacy's new book yet, although it should be coming soon, I'd think. I'm working today, so if it comes I'll drop you an email and let you know!)

So it's been awhile. But I thought hearing from ya'll might cheer up my little snow encrusted Spokane self. So today, if I get at least 12 comments, I'll randomly pick one and send that lucky commenter any CD from Your Music . Whatever you want. So today, in light of mid-winter doldrums, I want you to answer the following three questions. To escape mid-winter doldrums, I like to: My favorite winter memory is: I know Spring is coming when: Okay, friends. Now it's your turn. Go to it.

There is a red potato on the desk next to me. I have no idea why. It's foggy outside this morning. I love fog. I need to clear the kitchen counters. There's stuff everywhere. I'm wearing the ugliest red and black flannel fleece. It's embarrassingly redneck. But I put it on every morning over my pajamas until I get dressed. My cup of coffee is half empty. Some may say half-full, but I'm a pessimist. There's a baby picture of Ethan on the corner of the desk. A cuter baby I've never seen. He was SO chubby. My nails need to be filled. I've kept my nails since the cruise last May. I just can't go back to my own... they're so sad. Having nice nails makes up for the days when my hair is a disaster and I feel fat. The pile I need to take to Goodwill sits by the back door... and gets a little bigger every day. I love clearing things out. Feels SO good. I need to take my snowman collection and put it away. I'm SO done with the snow. Time for Easter de...

So I haven't had lots to say lately, it seems. I'm thinking up a storm, but don't seem to be able to push the thoughts through my body to my fingers. Tejan is in Seattle for a couple of weeks. It was time for a break. We had some behavioral issues that are better dealt with by his Daddy Chris (the founder of COTN ). So they flew him over on Friday. And I breathed a heavy sigh of relief. I think the last few weeks took more of a toll on me than I knew. Because now that he's gone (sort of) I find myself struggling to find my center. So much of my energy has been tied up in this little boy. And then there was the build up to the big goodbye that wasn't... and I had to dive back into caregiver mode so fast and furious... and, well, it was just time for a little break. Asia is gone this weekend - until next Thursday - so that leaves me lots of quiet time. And I'm starting to drive myself a little batty - thinking through it all. I almost feel as though I can't qu...

Pot of coffee made and consumed. (It was a small pot, so don't be all gettin' up in my business...) Kids still in jammies. Dog fed. Class prep done. Laundry started. English muffin consumed. Husband on the other side of the country. Eldest son sleeping over at a friend's house. Bed still unmade. Blog post written. Amen and Hallelujah. It's Saturday!

Did you see the lunar eclipse? We had the clearest skies and were able to watch the whole thing through our kitchen window. Tejan is studying the moon in school, so it was especially fun to watch with him - and explain the whole thing to him. He kept saying "Auntie Cathy! Lunar eclipse! Awesome!" Way more fun than the big solar eclipse I remember from elementary school... how fun is an event that all your teachers build up for weeks, but then tell you not to look at ? I remember making some sort of box with a pin hole that we could look through. But guess what? All you could see was a pin hole. Not very exciting. And the prospect of burning my retinas to smithereens should I rebelliously take a peek at the heavenly event was terrifying and thrilling at the same time. Really, it was almost more than my immature little grade-school self could handle. No - I'll take my lunar eclipse over the silly solar event any day. It sort of makes you stop and consider the hugeness of i...

Having my bedroom painted was a good thing. It's forced Asia and I to go through schtuff that we've had lying around for ages and purge. I've got a boatload of bags to take to Goodwill. (You should have seen the dust bunnies we found behind the dressers - they were more like dust elephants!) I really like the newly painted bedroom... we went with a rich milk chocolate color and it's so warm and inviting and romantic... now I just need to get some curtains made and it'll be a completely new room. I'll post pictures sometime soon. The snow is slowly melting away. SLOWLY being the operative word... the bad thing is - the piles melt during the day and then all the runoff freezes overnight so in the morning you're faced with skating rinks as driveways and parking lots and roads. Makes for some fun adventures in getting from one place to the other. Tejan continues on his oral antibiotics and is back in school. His inflammation levels were still elevated at his la...

I am always amazed whenever we have a big windstorm. The neighbors across the street have huge pine trees in their backyard, and I love to watch the trees sway and bend in the wind. It seems as though they will most certainly snap, but every time (so far) they give sway one way, and then back to the other, and eventually, as the wind dies down, they stand straight again. Those trees are flexible. And strongly rooted. And for years they have withstood myriad storms. Flexibility in the human realm is a great quality. A quality I think perhaps I needed to develop. So I've had some opportunities this past little bit to grow in my ability to be flexible. The latest? Tejan will be with us for at least ten more weeks. And while I have adjusted to this over the course of the last few days, it took a little time to readjust my heart and my expectations and find the energy to face this new reality. There were moments when I felt I might snap. Like maybe it was just one inch too far that I wa...

First of all, let me just tell you how lovely it was to feel the warmth of the sun for four days in a row. The temperatures were in the 70's - warmth we won't feel in Spokane until June. Maybe May, if we're lucky. I was very happy to wear flip-flops and short sleeves for a change. Amazing what a little sun will do for your heart. The show itself was great. Lots of great new product is on it's way to stores... Among my favorites were Cosmo Cricket's Cogsmo line... the robots are just TOO cute. Can't wait to get my hands on this stuff and make some pages with my boys on them. I also LOVED Maya Road's booth - it's always a favorite and this year they continued to blow me away with their amazing products and the ingenious designers. I just want to make one of each of all the fabulous samples we saw. I'm especially excited about a new medium we learned about from the Maya Road designers for coloring raw chipboard called Glimmer Mist . It's a spray th...

I landed last night in Spokane at 10:45 pm after four crazy full days at CHA. I'll give a report with pictures later today. For now I just wanted to stop by and say "Hello! I'm back!" Doctor's appointment later today for Tejan to get some blood and run tests to see how the oral antibiotic is working. Hope you've all had a lovely week. Happy Valentine's Day! Smooch you all on this sweet day.

I'm off EARLY in the morning for CHA. (The Craft and Hobby Association Trade Show - it's mecca for scrapbook stores - the biggest showcase of the year of new products - huzzah!) I'm not taking the laptop. CHA is just too crazy and I'm too tired at the end of the day to deal with it. So I'll update when I get back. With lots of pictures, of course... Tejan got to come home from the hospital today - so life feels a little more normal around here. He's cleared to go back to school on Monday - and can walk without crutches - so that's good. It will make Asia's life a little easier while I'm gone. We have no idea how long he will be here. I suspect it will not be too terribly much longer. We're just enjoying each extra moment we get. See you all Thursday.

Happy Birthday Cathy! , originally uploaded by Pink Paper Peppermints . All of these sweet bloggy friends threw me a cyber-birthday party! How fun is that? Thank you, dear friends. I am touched. It's really just what I needed today. Sweet Tanya even made me a cake. If you want to follow the party around cyber-space, you can go to Melissa's blog to see everyone who is participating.

Thirty-nine things I can celebrate today: The Creator of the universe loves ME. My friend Melissa sent me happy mail. It came to the store yesterday while I was working. I love getting packages at the store because they're always full of fun new product. But a package addressed to little ol' me? Full of birthday goodies like chocolate and fuzzy socks and bubble bath? That REALLY made my day. Thanks, Mel! I married a good man. A very good man. And he's so, so good to me. I'm blessed with a wonderful marriage. I love living in the Pacific Northwest. Seriously. Life is good here. I have the happiest memories of my grandparents and was blessed to have all four of them in my life until I was 31 years old. I will never take that for granted. I was well-loved by all of them. My job simply could not be more tailor-made for me. It suits my personality, my schedule, my lifestyle and it feeds my creative soul. Plus - I drive less than a mile to work. What more could you ask for?...

So far this week I feel like there is this gentle weaning taking place. Isn't that interesting? Like God knew it would be easier for me to say goodbye to T. if it were more of a gradual process. I didn't even know that. But even this morning, as I am choosing to stay home for a bit before I run down to the hospital, there is this sweet awareness that my house is quieter without him, the laundry less overwhelming, and the fridge blatantly lacking in a tupperware full of rice - but I also know that he is just down the hill. And I get to go there in a bit and walk into his room and see his smile, which warms my heart beyond belief. So even though I was overwhelmed and shocked by the turn of events we were faced with over the weekend, it has turned into this lovely blessing. I will still have to say that final goodbye. But I think it will be easier this time around. Because I already spent so much time fretting about it, and now there is a serenity I feel and amazing gratitude in m...

So it's Tuesday - and I rarely miss an opportunity for the Tuesday Ten. But today, I thought it would be better to thank you all for your prayers and words of wisdom and encouragement. It's amazing that a blog can be such a great tool for keeping you all in touch and hearing back from people all over the world - hearing your hearts through comments. I'm humbled and blown away by it. So thank you. I have been blessed with a quiet acceptance of these circumstances... yesterday, even though I was on the go non-stop (which is NOT the sort of day that normally feeds my soul) I felt a quiet peace through it all. Even while frustrated by doctors who only seem to show up when I leave the hospital, and overwhelmed by the disagreeing factions of people who control Tejan's fate, I felt the Peace that passes all understanding. How fortunate I am to have a merciful God who feeds my soul when my circumstances do not. So I managed to get through my day yesterday: At the hospital by 6:...

I'm at home. Asia and two of the kids are down at the hospital, watching the Super Bowl with T. Kyler and I have it on, here at home, but I'm only watching the commercials. I really couldn't care less about football than I do. We're still waiting on lab reports for T. We do know that he does not have MRSA. Which is really good. MRSA would require 6 weeks or more of I.V. antibiotics. But while whatever he has is 'sensitive' to lots of meds, his infection isn't responding the way they expect it to. So they took more blood and we're waiting to see what they can discover. Apparently treating a staph infection requires a lot of waiting, and fine tuning of the meds used to fight it. My biggest struggle right now is my heart. In all of T.'s other medical needs, I was wholly there - completely available to him - and able to schedule my life around his needs, because I had weeks to plan ahead. This time around, I'm really struggling to get my heart in it....

I'm home for a brief break this afternoon and wanted to let you know what is going on with Tejan. He had surgery yesterday morning to remove a screw in his left leg - after sending some fluid from the leg to the lab, it was determined he has a staph infection. We won't know until tomorrow what strain of staph we're dealing with. Right now he's on a broad spectrum antibiotic, which will be more fine-tuned after the labs come back tomorrow indicating more specifically what we're dealing with. I've been told we will be in the hospital for a minimum of one week and up to six weeks, depending on how resistant a strain of staph we're dealing with. Asia and I are already praying through and discussing how we'll manage this as a family. We're drawing pretty definite boundries as far as how much time I can spend at the hospital and are recruiting lots of help from friends to help us divvy up days so I can tend to the needs of my family as well as be there for...