Ponderiffic

Been thinking lots lately about life. And where I sit in it.

I come from a long line of stability. Good people who were content to live simple lives and who settled in for the long haul. People who basically did the same thing year in and year out.

I grew up watching them. And assuming that my life would look similar to that. Get married - have kids - watch them grow - love on your grandbabies - cook lots of Thanksgiving meals and celebrate lots of Christmases surrounded by loved ones.

And here I am on the precipice of my 40's and I have no idea what I'm doing.

I'm leaving for Africa in six weeks, and I know I cannot come back and settle in for the long haul.

The long haul isn't going to be in my future, I don't think.

I think my heart has been awakened to other possibilities.

Does that mean my family is going to up and move to Africa? I don't think so. But I know this: I know that for the rest of my life I'm going to be torn between two places. And I hope that I can establish that kind of un-settledness in my kids as well... because that's really what life as a believer is all about, isn't it?

It all makes my heart long all the more for Christ to return.

Because heaven will be the place I am finally settled.

I just never imagined I would be sitting here at this stage of my life wondering what in the world God has for us next... and being open to all sorts of possibilities... As a child, I always assumed at this age I'd have my heels dug in deeply with the knowledge that options had passed me by years before - and that I'd be okay with that.

But instead, I'm in this weird place of acknowledging the normalcy of my present reality while I long for the new, unknown places God might be taking me.

I'm about to embark on something extraordinary. And then I get to come back and try to integrate extraordinary into ordinary. Not quite sure how I'm going to manage that...

It's a strange and wonderful place to be.

And that's what I'm pondering.