I've been thinking about Community a lot lately.

It's a pretty popular word in my circles.

community

  [kuh-myoo-ni-tee] /kəˈmyu nɪ ti/                                                
noun, plural communities.

1. a social group of any size whose members reside in a specific locality, share government, and often have a common cultural and historical heritage.

2. a locality inhabited by such a group.

3. a social, religious, occupational, or other group sharing common characteristics or interests and perceived or perceiving itself as distinct in some respect from the larger society within which it exists (usually preceded by the):

the business community; the community of scholars.

4. a group of associated nations sharing common interests or a common heritage:

the community of Western Europe.

5. Ecclesiastical. a group of men or women leading a common life according to a rule.

6. Ecology. an assemblage of interacting populations occupying a given area.

7. joint possession, enjoyment, liability, etc.:

community of property.

 

I have community. At work, with my members and fellow staff.

At church.

With the families and loved ones we've come to know in Spokane.

 

I have community.

 

But sometimes, having community is hard.

 

Because people are really complex. And sometimes we do stupid things. And sometimes we make mistakes. And more often than not, stuff gets messy.

 

Sometimes what I think is my community ends up going a direction I'm not comfortable with. And so I have to adjust. Or compromise. Or leave. Or wonder if I should leave.

 

See? Messy.

 

Sometimes I feel lonely in the midst of all the communities I'm supposedly a part of.

 

And that's kind of where I'm at right now.

 

My life is full of people but I feel alone most of the time.

 

I'm not scared of being alone... I'm actually quite good at it. But too much alone tends to wear on anyone.

 

So I'm a little weary.

 

Content. But weary.

 

There is some stress that lies beneath my contentment that I'm discovering is pretty exhausting.

 

And some confusion that is downright exhausting.

 

It's life, isn't it?

 

I have a wonderful community of people that I know love me and care for me. But the stuff I carry, I carry alone, pretty much.

 

I'll be okay.

 

I AM okay.

 

I.

am.

okay.