A good rule of thumb: Blog at least once once every four years...

I have been saying for years that I want to write more.

I even joined a couple of writing groups, and then frantically wrote something up each week right before it was time to go so I wouldn't look like a slacker.

Clearly, it wasn't coming from a place of internal motivation. I still wrote some decent stuff, but it was a chore rather than a pleasure.

Regardless, writing is still something I value and I would like to commit to it in 2020.

So here goes.

I love a good retrospective piece, particularly when timed along with the hanging of a new calendar. Entering a new decade makes it feel especially poignant this year.

So here are some random reflections on the year:

• This was the year I quit a job that for years I had referred to as 'the best job in the world.' I had loved working for Weight Watchers for a full decade. In that time I discovered a skill set I had previously been unaware of. I unearthed a passion for inspiring others through the pursuit of my own personal best. I found that am a skilled facilitator and public speaker, and that my commitment to vulnerability and honesty resonates with many. I chased down every opportunity and was afforded many occasions to grow my skill set. I made fantastic friends from all over the country and got to travel extensively for several years as a trainer. However, I also gradually lost interest in encouraging people in a 'diet mentality', based in a scarcity mindset. I began to believe that health is measured in many, many more ways than BMI and a number on a scale. I shifted from believing that fat and sugar and food in general should be demonized. And I lost trust in the company that had written my paycheck for years as it became clear that the bottom line is way more important to them than the well-being and respect of those it employs. It was a difficult decision - mostly because of the relationships I had developed with my dear members over the years. But I listened to the advice of a friend who had quit a few months before me. "The people you are meant to stay friends with will still remain friends." I have found this to be true. I have not regretted my decision for one second. It was time.
• This was the year I began a journey of self-discovery by digging into The Enneagram. Learning about my Enneagram type (3w4) has given me a deeper respect for what motivates me, how I interact with others, how I improve in health and how I decline in stress. Knowing the types of those around me has also given me more compassion and patience for them. If you're 'into' the Enneagram - I'd love to chat. It's cool stuff.
• This was the year I worked for less than six months. In taking time off for the Camino, I knew I would be working less, but I had no idea at the beginning of the year that I would be gifted the luxury of not having to work for the remainder of the year upon my return. It was stressful at times, as I pursued different opportunities only to be rejected numerous times. Eventually my hope for a return to my previous employer (Omada Health) was realized and I go back to work this coming Monday. The fact that I was given time to process the Camino... to rest and relax and 'clean house' as it were by re-defining my priorities in those months was not a mistake or a tragedy - it was instead a serendipitous blessing. I learned to shop less and savor more. To reduce clutter and lean into simplicity. I learned how to cook dried beans. I unsubscribed from any/every sales-y kind of email. Having no personal income meant I only bought things my husband was fully aware of and on-board with. (We have had separate accounts for years - a little-known secret that is incredibly healthy for our particular relationship.) This built our relationship in some new and interesting ways.
• This was the year I learned the power and place of presence. Walking the Camino gifted me this incredible ability to take each moment at face value. To lean into the now rather than waste brain-space for the past or the future. My mental health is better than it has been in decades. My anxiety is at a 1 on a scale of 1-10. My fuse is longer than it's ever been. My ability to care for myself has been honed and almost perfected. My affection for those around me is deeper and more authentic. 'All that from walking 500 miles?' you say? Indeed. I'm as surprised as you.
• This was the year my husband and I began to walk through a deeply wounding personal betrayal. I cannot go into details, and we have in fact revealed the story to very few trusted individuals in our lives. It is as yet unresolved. It may never be resolved. This has deepened our love for each other more than any other circumstance in 27 years of marriage. We have cried together and clung to each other. The pendulum of our hearts continues to swing from incredulous disbelief to horrified, self-protecting combativeness. We crave forgiveness and closure at times and angrily mutter 'Screw it" at other times. We daily choose to remain soft - only out of years of encouraging others to do the same and valuing the beauty of feeling pain rather than numbing it. I respectfully ask that you sit in the uncertainty of not knowing more than I have shared here and would be honored to receive your prayers if you are so inclined.
• This was the year I discovered the word/concept of hygge. More correctly, I have actually embraced the concept in my home for years and years... I guess I just was given a term to define this long-held value and pursuit. The validation of my style (warm and dim pools of light instead of harsh overhead lighting, candles, ridiculously expensive and cozy blankets, slippers, tea, intimate gatherings instead of loud parties, intentional conversations instead of small talk... I could go on and on...) has deepened my commitment to this purposeful and contemplative way of designing my spaces.
• This was the year my kids truly became wholly independent adults. We became empty nesters. 2 of my 3 are now married. They are gradually getting off our Verizon account and opening their own! They pay their own bills! We are savoring evenings together uninterrupted by 'roommate-ish' adult children coming and going. We welcome them over and then send them home. We Face-time across the pacific with children living far, far away. It's a new chapter that we are enjoying, celebrating our handiwork and God's faithfulness from a distance as they make their way in the world.
• This was the year I fulfilled a dream. The Camino deserves a book, rather than a bullet point. But I can not wrap up the year without giving it some recognition in a post like this one. I walked 500 miles across the country of Spain. I made friends from all over the world. I learned that merino wool is worth every penny. I learned to sleep with dozens of other people in the same room. I carried everything I needed on my back for 7 weeks. I deepened an old friendship and came to value it more than ever. I forever shifted my opinion of myself as a pessimist as I discovered I am actually the most positive person I know. I cleared space in my brain for beauty, patience, acceptance, and more confidence than I ever imagined I could posses. I honed the empowered and strong woman I always knew was inside me. I am so grateful for the fact that the Camino continues in my heart and soul... I am only just beginning to discover the ways it generously lingers, teaching and stretching and reaffirming. I am changed forever.

There is more.

But there is not more time today to write.

I'll be back.

Smooches for reading, my friends. I hope to offer more throughout the year. It's a very good practice for me. Thanks for coming along.