thoughts from the deep recesses

This just makes me laugh and laugh. How very cute is she? Enjoy!

Today was the last track meet of the season - the All City Meet, where all the junior high schools in the city send their top two competitors in each event to compete. Kyler qualified in all three of his events. His results were great... he got 6th place out of 15 kids in the 1600 meter, running his personal best time of 5:37. In the 800, he got 5th out of 16 runners. His high jump results weren't as great - he was REALLY worn out after his 1600 meter run - the sun was really hot and he ran so hard that he felt kind of sick afterwards - so while he jumped the same height as he has in other weeks, he didn't have much get-up-and-go for his jumps... Of course, he's most excited about getting donuts at their end-of-the-season party Friday morning. But I'm excited to have seen him have such a succcessful season. It does a Mommy's heart good.

No one will wake me up at 6:00 am saying "Mom, I totally forgot about a project that's due today... do we have any poster board?" I won't have to pack three lunches by 8:00 am. The lake. Movies downstairs in the basement on hot days. Lazy mornings. No school newpaper deadlines hanging over my head. Reading books on a blanket at the park. Evening walks with my husband. Fresh flowers on my table all summer long. Fresh fruit and salads every day.

Asia's family met over the long weekend in Libby, Montana to honor the life of his Grandma Willie. It's the first time the five siblings have been together since 1992. It was a great weekend. Lots of laughter, great food, fun stories and long hugs. My kids met two of their aunts and uncles for the first time... and I met extended family I'd never met as well. Asia comes from a pretty amazing group of people... and for a family that has faced some pretty tough stuff, they've really risen above it all to become fascinating, incredible people. I love them all and am so honored to call them my family.

All is not right in the world, you know. There are thousands upon thousands upon thousands of children who live without parents. A pandemic killing a whole generation. War. Poverty. Hunger. No. All is not right. Even as I sit here in my warm house with my cupboards full of food and my gas tank full of $4.00 a gallon gas. All is not right. As my children earn high marks at school and excell in their extracurricular pursuits. As we debate whether to get the 37 inch or the 42 inch flat screen. As I rearrange my week so I can find time to get to the sale at Nordstroms. Sick. All is not right. We consume dreadfully more than is our fair share. While others die hoping. So I struggle. I struggle with the imbalance. And I struggle with knowing a child of my heart is on the other end of the scale. Along with hundreds of thousands of other children. Hundreds of thousands. What are we doing? What have we been doing while the inequity grew to these proportions? Putting our sermon outlines on power...

"I used to be pretty clear on what was real & what I made up, but with everything going on in the world, none of that seems to matter, so I just decided to talk less & smile to myself more, so as not to add to the general confusion" Do you know Brian Andreas ? He writes these funny little quips and makes art and cards and you can find them in cute little shops all over the US. I first found him in one of my favorite stores in all the world, Syzygy in Manzanita, Oregon. Anywho, Brian makes me laugh. And think. And ponder. And smile. And every day, I get a 'story of the day' in my inbox. The one above was today's. It pretty much sums it up for me. Just thought I'd share.

Okay, so this isn't likely to become a weekly post, since I can't imagine having access to free money every week, but I heard about Revolution Money Exchange recently and signed up for their free account and guess what? They gave me $25 just for doing it! Basically, someone is finally trying to compete with Paypal. And in order to pull people in, they're paying you to sign up. I like Paypal. And I use it all the time. And I'll probably continue to do so. But I'll take a free $25 any day. My money goes right into my Africa savings account. What will you do with your free $25? And hey, because I feel shady if I don't tell you, you need to know that they have a referral program. And if you click on the button and sign up, I'll get $10 in my account just for referring you. And that $10 will also go into my Africa account. So there. Take it or leave it. Hate me or love me. I'm just sayin' - it's FREE MONEY! (And it will help me and my family go see T...

Asia and the kids and I went this afternoon to a great exhibit put on by World Vision called Step into Africa . It's an very well done interactive experience where you take on the story of a child affected by the aids crisis in Africa. If it's coming anywhere near you, I'd recommend it wholeheartedly. If you're in Spokane, it is at First Presbyterian through Monday night. You should go if you can... All the kids chose to go through on their own - and each of them 'became' a different African child. As we got to the end, we were all brought back together in an aids clinic, where we were each waiting for the results of our aids test. Three of us were negative - two were positive. It was a great chance to talk through yet another way that Africa should be in our prayers... we've talked so much about war in Africa, but because Tejan wasn't impacted directly by aids, we haven't discussed it as much as a family. Personally, I was most impacted by the part ...

I've just hardly been on the computer at all lately. And so I haven't been blogging. Have you noticed? Do you miss me? Even when I do have computer time, I can't seem to think of a thing to say. The weather has been so nice. I got my whole back flower bed weeded and planted today with the sweetest snapdragons and zinnias. It's just lovely. And it makes me want to be outside even more, just so I can admire my handiwork in the garden. I read a quote the other day from a college notebook I found in the basement... I can't stop thinking about it. It said: "We are what we think others think we are." What do you think? Our dear friend Jay is back from spending 8 months in France and came over for dinner tonight. We BBQ'd and ate outside. He has the most horrible beard that he grew the entire time he was gone. It nearly reaches the floor. He's too young to know about ZZ Top, but that's who he reminds me of. He's downstairs with the kids playing on...

I'm loving track meets. Never went to one in all my four years of high school... but I love watching this kid run. He ran a 5:49 mile today. A personal best. Love seeing him improve - and having fun. I've never been a runner, so I find it fascinating, watching him enjoy it. So glad he was willing to try it... I never thought he would be an athlete... but he is. So cool.

I fell asleep on the couch yesterday afternoon while watching the news. When I awoke, there was a piece of paper lying on the coffee table. Savannah is studying poetry at school right now and she's practicing a lot. Sleep by Savannah as I watch you sleep, I imagine what you're dreaming. is it about Tejan? Gracie? your wedding day, or even coughing up a lung? the wonderful world of sleep.

Spring has finally come to the inland northwest. We're supposed to be in the mid 80's by Friday. I can hardly wait to get out the capris. I had a nice mother's day - with brunch out at Madeline's with the family. Yummy food, great coffee and fun conversation... good stuff. Of course, I missed Tejan and wished for him to be there too... I expect I will miss him every mother's day. It would be hard not to. This week is crazy busy with so many school events happening. Track meets, walk-a-thons, PTG meetings... May is always such a crazy month. I don't mind it though... busy feels good right now. Crazy bird seems to be taking a little break from crashing into our window. I've only heard him two or three times in the last week. We took a nice long bike ride with another family over the weekend. We met the Holm family through Ethan's wrestling program - their son Eric and Ethan liked to wrestle each other at practice - turns out Olaf, the dad, is best friends ...

I know I haven't mentioned it here, but if you've spent much time with me in the last month, you'll know that my new favorite all-time movie is Dan in Real Life . And Friday when I got home from work, the soundtrack I had ordered from the movie was on my doorstep. I cannot tell you how much I love it. Okay, maybe I can. I love it. A lot . If you liked the movie, do yourself a favor and get yourself a copy of this happy, happy music. Asia told me this afternoon that if he wasn't married to me, he would never listen to music. Which I took as a compliment - because that means I'm exposing him to good stuff. Melodies. Harmonies. Lyrics. I LOVE music. Love how it can transform my mood and put words to my unspoken heart. It pulls me out of myself just a bit. That's why I can hardly worship right now without tears flowing endlessly down my cheeks - the combination of beautiful music and lyrics directed toward my Savior are so poignant to the broken heart that inhabits...

Been thinking a lot about T. lately. Missing his laughter. Wondering how he's doing. I think that's one of the hardest parts of this - that we have no contact with him and I have no idea what's going on. To go from knowing everything about his every day - to knowing nothing at all. Tough stuff. Thinking through the whole experience, there are a few things that stick out in my mind... of course, all the doctor's appointments and time in the hospital. I took him to over 40 doctor's appointments. Sat in the waiting room through 4 surgeries. Waited and waited in waiting rooms. X-rays. Blood draws. CT scans. Physical therapy. Meds upon meds upon meds. Middle of the night meds. First thing in the morning meds. Drive to school in the middle of the day to give him meds... I gave more physical care to this one child than I have to all three of mine combined since they were infants. And looking back, I can hardly believe I did it. But I did do it, didn't I? And I learned ...

Savannah, Ethan and I participated in one of the largest races in the country today - over 50,000 runners, joggers and walkers. We walked. 7.46 miles. In perfect sunshiney weather. It was a good day. I'm tired tonight. And a little sore. But after living in Spokane for almost ten years, I can finally say I've done Bloomsday!

On Friday afternoon, Asia and I took a walk. As we headed down the driveway, we noticed an inordinate amount of bird poop on the ground near one of our basement window wells. We have nice deep window wells. The guy who owned this house before us put in beautiful egress windows for the basement, with deep wells and protective railings. We don't want bird poop on them. But we were on our way to a walk - and who wants to make the dog wait for her walk? So we left the poop, casually wondering why birds decided to make our lovely window wells their public toilet. The next morning I woke up early. I like getting up early, because it gives me some quiet before the rest of the house stirs. But on that morning, I woke up annoyed. I kept hearing something. Bing-Bang. Tap. Thump. Real quiet though... When Asia rolled over I told him the squirrels were throwing pinecones. Couldn't he hear it? I went ahead and got up, since the incessant tip-tapping wasn't going to allow me any more shu...

Running the 1600 meter - what kind of crazy person runs a mile just for fun? Look at him - he's even smiling! Cheering on his teammates... Poser. Stop looking at your mom in the stands and RUN! When Kyler wasn't in any events we were lucky enough to get to watch this little beagle puppy. Isn't he just the cutest? He had a good meet - ran a 6:01 mile and was in second place for 7th graders in the 800 meter race. Love watching him be with his friends and enjoying his school... good stuff.

This sweet flower - handmade by Ethan the other night while I was away teaching a class... it was hanging on the back door when I came in... so sweet. German short ribs in the crock pot for dinner tonight. SO yummy. Indiana Jones Green Mint M & M's in my Grandma Carson's green glass bowl. An anonymous May Day bouquet sitting on my porch when I got home from work this afternoon. (No longer anonymous - thanks, Amy!) My newest crochet project - a floral scarf... 10 flowers down, 4 more to go!