thoughts from the deep recesses

Before I left for church with the kids yesterday, Asia suggested I stop on the way home at the pet store to buy a sweater for Gracie. See, it's pretty darn cold here in the evenings, and if Gracie is going to go trick-or-treating with us, she needs something to keep her warm. Boxers are very short-haired. In fact, her little belly is almost bald, there's so little hair there. If she's outside too long in the cold she gets all shivery... so a sweater seemed like a good idea. We don't want our little girl getting too cold, after all. Now in the past, I would have laughed out loud at anyone who was buying "clothes" for their dog. Obviously, anyone who would dress their dog has serious issues. Now I say, yes, of course, we have issues. We have issues with our baby who gets chilled in no time at all in the cold weather. So here you go. I took pictures, just so you could see how pretty she looks. And she knows it too. The kids took her for a walk yesterday in her ne...

As on most holidays, I'm taken back today to my own Halloween experiences as a child. They weren't particularly memorable, except for a few things. Growing up on the Oregon coast, the end of October was well into the start of the rainy season - so I clearly remember Trick-or-Treating in pouring-down rain, year after year. Our parents used to ride along in the car, warm and dry, as we went from house to house. It always seemed a little creepy to have that car following us with the headlights lighting the way between houses... they would drive really slowly behind us, almost stalker-like. When we were all done, we'd pile back into the car, and the wet-kid smell was almost overwhelming as we drove home to check out all the goodies we'd scored. I also remember clearly one year that we thought we'd be smart and start a little early... thinking we could double up on some houses and get twice the booty... We went first to Mrs. Larson's house. Now she was a sweet old la...

Phew. It's been a crazy weekend, with Asia and I both fighting some sort of achy, cold-like ailment. We're both pretty pathetic. He even stayed home from church this morning. I took the kids, but was pretty wiped out by the time we got home. After a nap, I was feeling a little better, so S. and I jumped in the car and drove down to the "Bead Stampede", a semi-annual bead show that we've attended faithfully for the last couple of years. I love going places like that with her, because she is just like me in her affection for all things tiny and shiny and clinky and lovely. Over and over again we could be heard... "Oh, look at these, they're so smooth!" (or sparkly or colorful or teeny-tiny.) We are drawn to the same colors and shapes - blues and greens and pinks and browns... oh whatever, we really love them all. Now we have a treasure trove of stringed beads waiting for a quiet afternoon when we can put them together into matching bracelets or necklac...

Busy busy day today... I had to work, but Asia was still gone, so I also had to arrange child (and puppy) care for the after school hours... I'm SO glad I'm not a single Mom. Got to go to the hospital this morning to meet Judah Anthony Gray - the newborn of our dear friends Justin and Tarah... he was so perfect and red and wrinkly and absolutely beautiful... Hopefully I'll get pictures in the next few days so you can all meet him too. Obviously, I'm home from work, and Asia is got home from the airport about the same time, so I'm off to make him an egg sandwich and snuggle the bejeebers out of him. Just wanted ya'll to know where I've been. Tomorrow's busy too - soccer, then a class to teach - so I may be scarce then too...

I feel like I've been very discombobulated this week. (Is that even a real word?) I think it's Asia's absence. There's no one here to bounce all my randomness off of, so you're all getting the bear the brunt of it. Sorry. Or maybe not - it's who I am. I've got lots to say and no energy to come up with interesting segues, so I'm falling back on my old favorite -the bullet list. I've been wanting to shout out to my friends Kelly and Kelly . These girls are two of my very favorite bloggers. I love their consistent posts at their own blogs and their dedication to reading mine (and commenting!) I feel very blessed to call each of them friend. It's fascinating that these women who live on the other side of the country (although they are both born and bred Pacific NW gals) are such a huge part of my daily life. Thanks ladies, for your friendship and your support and encouragement. Who knew I could be so blessed by a function of the internet? I almost h...

I'm in a crappy mood right now, so I'll warn you now - this may not be the most entertaining post ever. The day got off to a good start, with Gracie sleeping well until almost 6:00, and me being able to get my bath out of the way before any of the kids were up. I felt organized, empowered and ready to tackle a long to-do list. I drove the kids to school - the weather has turned and it was raining, so I dropped them off then started my errands. Post Office, doggie boutique, Goodwill (halloween costumes,) Office Depot and Papers Plus - all done in just over an hour. However, in the midst of all that productivity, my brain was working overtime, stewing about certain little things that have happened in the last day or so to hurt my feelings. I have certain areas of my life that I am sensitive about. I've shared about some of them in my blogging. Others, I've kept to myself. I will continue to do so, for various reasons. But I can share about how easily I wander down a path...

Every year I buy each of my children a Christmas ornament. I've done this since they were babies, and I try to make the ornament representative of something they've experienced during the year. Well, of course this year I thought it would be neat to get them each a Boxer ornament, to commemorate the arrival of Gracie into our family. So, in my free time this afternoon, I thought I'd look online for a cute ornament I could get for each of them. This is what I came up with. Terrifying, isn't it? Now, I know, those aren't all ornaments. No - those are disembodied Boxer head earrings and demonic Boxer magents... and the angel? I can't begin to talk about the angel. I'm really wishing Asia were here, because I'm sure to have nightmares tonight.

Having just returned from teaching a class, I find myself enjoying what may well be the perfect afternoon... The sun is out, shining brightly through the yellow and orange leaves still hanging onto thier trees... I've said it before, and I'll say it again. This is the most colorful and beautiful fall season I've enjoyed here in Spokane. The combination of no freezing temperatures and lots of sunshine have painted everything in fiery hues and it seems to just go on and on. I'm savoring it all, for I know winter is just around the corner, with it's grey days and weeks when the temperature stays below freezing. I'm sitting on the deck, equipped with my laptop and a plate full of pumpkin pie. Gracie sits at my feet chewing on pine needles and maple seedpods. I love the clinky sound of her tag... The kids won't be home for over an hour, and I've got two new magazines and a catalog to look at. The only thing wrong is that with the angle I'm sitting at,...

So I was up with the dog early this morning... I find myself thinking the strangest things that early in the morning... like: Dogs don't have boogers. I can't think of any animals who get boogers. My cat in college was named Booger. I get boogers. Spokane is especially conducive to boogers. The air is very dry here. Since man is made in God's image, God must get boogers. But maybe not, since I'm sure the humidity in heaven is always regulated perfectly... See how scary it is? Asia is in Seattle this week - so while I have to step up in terms of responsibility, I'm rewarded with quiet evenings, full remote control possession and the luxury of the entire bed all to myself. I put my electric blanket on the bed before he left, so I'm not even cold without him. I do miss him though. The older I get the more I need his calming steadiness and friendship. He truly is my best friend and I'll be glad when he's home again. But until then - I'm reveling in a bi...

I have a church. It hit me yesterday as I looked around that darkened room full of people - 'this is my church' . After being so hurt by the ex-church, I was slow to embrace a church. Very slow . I was ready to denounce the entity of "church" and just worship in my home with my family and other like-minded ex-patriots. I was disillusioned. Wary. Skeptical. Angry. I wanted to avoid the body of Christ as I've experienced it - self-centered, proud, pretentious and bloated with "truth." Judgemental, showing favoritism, setting rigid parameters on God's work... blegh! I hesitate to write some of these things because I don't want to hurt those who participated with me during that time - some of whom are still a part of that body. I don't want to discount the years of pleasant service together, but I also want to be real about the things I observed in my heart after years of believing I was "where it's at" in terms of church. Truth is ...

Before: And after!

The pup is doing so well... she is growing like a weed. At the vet Friday she weighed in at 22 pounds - up nine pounds from four weeks ago. She sleeps about 7 hours at night - it's LOVELY to finally be getting some good rest. She seems to be settling into a routine and I actually like getting up at 6:00 to let her out and have some time with her before the kids get up. She is a lover and will still try to curl up on my lap with her chin on my arm... so warm and sweet. Each afternoon around 3:00 she and I go out to the front porch and wait for the kids to walk home... she listens for their voices and as soon as they turn the corner to our block, starts straining on her leash to go meet them. I let her go when they get close and she bounds off to greet them with kisses and her short little tail wagging a mile a minute. It warms my heart. While the floor is constantly a mess from her little footprints and there are always doggie toys scattered everywhere, I cannot imagine our lives w...

Chaos has pretty much ruled this house since the puppy came. I've managed to feed my family without a meal plan, keep everyone in clean underwear and keep the dirt at bay, but only just. Those first couple of weeks when I was barely sleeping it was all I could do to get the kids to school and myself showered and dressed. It seemed all I did was hold the puppy, take the puppy outside to poop, play with the puppy... it was fun and crazy and exhausting. But now that she's settling in, and my house is falling to pieces around me - it's time to shape up. My kitchen floor is the bane of my existence. Impossible to keep clean, (especially now that we're in and out a million times a day with the dog,) I've almost given up. After all, we're tearing it out in a couple of weeks. Add to that the fact that the only time I can sweep or mop is when the dog is asleep in her crate. If she's out - she attacks the broom with a vengeance I'd have thought she'd reserve f...

For some reason I laid in bed last night and thought of all the things you don't know about me. If you've been comfortable that way, skip this post. Cause I'm barin' it all here. I am a bit of a hypochondriac. I'm usually fairly convinced that I have some sort of life threatening or debilitating illness. Several years ago, it was Multiple Sclerosis. Currently, I'm fairly certain I have heart disease and am just a heart attack waiting to happen. I've been diagnosed in the past with a mild anxiety disorder... I'm sure the health concerns are related to my anxiety issues... I am quite possibly one of the laziest people I know. I would rather sit on my butt and do nothing that clean or work in any way. I am not ambitious or perfectionistic or industrious at all in my natural state. (Thank goodness I'm a tiny bit disciplined or my whole life would be a mess.) I hate showering. I could totally live in Africa where people only shower twice a year. I hate th...

My friend Kelly did such a lovely job of describing her family room today on her blog that I was inspired to do the same... Come with me into my living room. Here you can take your pick of either my soft army green leather couch, my garage sale wing backed chair (upholstered in gold damask) or my comfy Costco chair that is a surprisingly well-done reproduction antique. Of course there's also the black chair I painted and reupholstered in tiger print, with just a touch of gold paint distressing - it's pretty to look at, but not comfy for long talks and cups of coffee. My two favorites are the couch and the Costco chair. Both are curved nicely and are perfectly condusive to long afternoons of reading or visiting. My walls are a golden raffia color. It took me six months of staring at paint chips scotch taped to the wall before I could settle on a color. I never could narrow it down to one choice, so the two walls opposite the windows are painted a deep avocado green. It's a ...

Phew. The weekend is over. Finally. On Wednesday. Good thing is, the next weekend starts in two days. Bad thing is, all the things I usually do on Monday and Tuesday are still undone. Good thing is, I got to hang with my parents for five days. Bad thing is - I have a puppy too, and the combination of tending to guests and keeping track of dog poop WIPED ME OUT! Good thing? My Mom adores Gracie. Dad too, I think. He admitted though - he doesn't really know how to love a dog - they "pet" differently than cats, you know. Dad has been a cat owner - not so much dogs. Bad thing. Gracie loves to run and Mom got to chase her halfway down the block. Thankfully they both returned in one piece. Go, Mom! Good thing. The Invisible Fence trainer comes today and starts the process of teaching Gracie to stay far far away from the invisible line in the grass. Bad thing. She's starts the training inside so it'll be a week before we get to use the outside fence. Gracie has a taste f...

Just so ya'll know - I'm not posting much this weekend. My folks are visiting and will be here until Tuesday... we did a soccer game and the circus today, then tomorrow we'll go to church and probably out to dinner... If I'm strangely quiet, that's why. I'll be back as soon as I can.

At girls' night last night there was a discussion about junior high. One of the moms was dealing with a daughter who is really struggling with eighth grade. Someone asked the question "Would you ever go back to junior high?" and the table erupted with adamant "NO WAY"s and "NEVER!"s and groans... I didn't speak up, because while I have no desire to actually go back in time, if I had to pick a time, junior high wouldn't be on the bottom of my list. In fact, it might even be quite high as far as times I would enjoy returning to. Now college, no way. I felt SO lost on a huge campus and hated the feeling of being completely anonymous. After growing up in a place small enough that you knew and were known by everyone, college was overwhelming. Plus, I had a huge chip on my shoulder about not being able to afford the small private college I had dreamed of attending. No, please, Time Travel Gods - don't ever send me back to college. Junior high, ...

I sit here with my roots all soaked in coloring solution, making good use of my 20 minutes while the grey is turning a lovely shade of "Natural Medium Golden Brown" and the roots are being forced into matching the rest of my hair... I really hate coloring my hair, but after doing it for so long, I really have no idea what color my natural hair is. I try different boxes every time to try to match the original - Natural Medium Neutral Brown, (nope, too dark) Medium Spice, (too red) Natural Light Ash Brown, (too blah) Natural Dark Brown (yikes - way too dark...) Just when I think maybe I've found it and the finished product looks like what I imagine my natual hair color is, I see roots creeping out that refuse to match. Oh well - with the grey, I guess I'd have to do it anyway, unless I'm just going to go au naturel and let the grey reveal my age - but I'm not ready to go there. So here I sit with an itchy head, just praying that the dog stays asleep long enough ...

So it's a new kind of self portrait - the owner with her dog... You'll either see these and immediately relate to loving a pet, or you'll think I've gone completely off my rocker. Either way, I think they're pretty cool.

Bullet lists are one of my favorite things... Somehow, through some miraculous occurance, my body is settling into a rhythm... The last two nights of getting up with the dog haven't been any easier, but I'm falling asleep much more quickly when I crawl back into bed and I'm waking up in the morning refreshed. I'm not going to try to figure it out. I'm just going with it. Gracie is growing before my very eyes. I was only gone three days over the weekend, but I swear she's an inch taller. Every time I look at her it's like she's bigger. She struggles now to fit on my lap and I've had to loosen her collar twice already. Unbelievable. Strange to think that in a few months there will be a dog where there used to be a puppy. She is so sweet - full of kisses and love for the whole family. There is simply nothing cuter on the face of the earth than her little short tail wagging back and forth a million times a minute. I can hardly remember life without her ...

Some of my favorite shots from the weekend... see if you can notice my two favorite purchases from the weekend. Hint: They're both pink. I especially love the deli shot. For two reasons: I can see my reflection taking the picture and the expression of the woman sitting in the window. I think it's a great picture of her and I wish I knew who she was so I could send her a copy of the picture. Ah well... makes me wonder how many photos I'm in that other people have taken.

After a whirlwind weekend of shopping and eating and staying up late and shopping and stopping at Starbucks three times a day, I'm home. I have loads of pictures to share, but I'm too lazy to load them up right now. Of course, after two nights of Gracie duty all alone, Asia was totally ready for me to take over the night shift last night. I got two glorious, solid 8 hour nights of sleep in Portland, which I saw wholly as "tanking up" on sleep for more nights with the dog. It was a wonderful but brief respite, as I probably only scored 4 hours of solid rest last night... sigh. Back to the real world. My girlfriend Brooke is one of those completely low maintenance friends that I LOVE to spend time with. Our friendship comes so easily. There are no demands, just laughter and understanding and common interests. I appreciate so much that even seven years after we moved away, she and I maintain the same commitment and loyalty to our relationship. She is a treasure. Our week...

Okay, I'm up because it's my night to take Gracie out for her last pee of the night before we go to bed. Asia's getting up in the middle of the night because I'm the one who works tomorrow, so I get the last-pee duty. He went to bed about an hour ago. The house is delightfully quiet and dark and I'm trying desperately to get a two-weeks old episode of Grey's Anatomy watched, but the computer keeps calling my name and I'm distracted by blogs and emails and puttering. I'll be working tomorrow and then heading to Portland early Saturday morning, so there probably won't be a post from me until Tuesday. Unless I take my laptop, which may be a possibility... I'll think on that. If I do desert you all, please come back. I'm always afraid to go too long without a post for fear that you will all find better blogs to go read. That would hurt my heart. Don't ask me why, because it's sort of pathetic, but it's true. I love all my blog readers...

Wednesday is usually a pretty quiet day around here... I don't schedule classes, the kids are free from sport or piano activities and there are no evening activities as a rule. It's a gloriously sunny day here and I'm reveling in a decent nights' sleep. I should apologize for my mood yesterday. I really don't function well on little sleep - and I'm getting roughly 4 hours on average. It's not just that I have to get up for the dog - it's that I have a really hard time getting back to sleep once I'm up. Last night was much better. I actually set my alarm to wake up a little before Gracie has typically started whining. By beating her to it, I was able to get her outside to pee and back to bed before she really knew what hit her. It worked well last night so I have high hopes. I actually feel refreshed today. I went to Costco this morning to check out some marble tile my contractor had seen there... we were looking for countertop material for either sid...

I'm feeling much better this afternoon, after: a visit from my dear husband who came home just to make sure I wasn't having a nervous breakdown a short ride in the car with Gracie. We went to the bank and the video store. She did great and just sat on the front seat next to me, with no whimpering or shaking. a healthy and nutritious lunch consisting of diet Coke and M&M's. a nap However, I'm not writing to tell you of my improved mood. I'm writing to tell you that if I don't return, it's because I've been pecked to death by birds. I just looked out my window and counted no less than 130 crows on my street. See for yourself... I've never watched "The Birds," but I'm guessing now is not the time to go rent it...

Okay. I.am.totally.sleep.deprived. I just threw the phone across the room. (With Asia on the other end.) I want to cry and I can't even blame it on post-partum depression. We're having company for dinner and I can't bear the thought of cooking. I'm extremely tired of puppy poop. (She always goes outside, so it's not that she's having accidents - it's more that I have to keep track of it... I personally don't want to be responsible for tallying anyone's B.M.s but my own... and no, I don't keep a tally of my own.) I've totally lost my creative mojo - haven't spent any time in my studio for about two weeks. My hair is ridiculous, with roots showing and grey hairs sticking straight up and no style to speak of. What is it with grey hairs anyway? They are so pickin' coarse and wiry - when my whole head turns grey it's not going to be pretty - I'm going to have this frightful wiry afro... Did I mention that I feel like crying? Spent ...

Now that I blog at my kitchen table instead of in my comfy living room chair (gotta keep an eye on the pup, ya know...), I am greeted each morning by this fiery display out my window. This vine has always been there, climbing all over the neighbor's fence, but this year it made its way over their fence and is climbing it's way across mine. Now - I hate my back fence and have been wanting to replace it for all the years we have lived in this house, but I'm thankful for it this year because it's the sort of fence that will support this lovely autumn frippery. When we replace it with the cedar plank fence that is in the works, I'm sure the vine will take it's garnet leaves and go elsewhere. It really is lovely, and I'm enjoying every minute of it's potent scarlett spectacle. My brain has been working overtime lately, with all the hours it's had to be engaged when it normally would be sleeping (up in the middle of the night with the pup, of course.) I...

Some photos from the weekend. We're all TOTALLY in love...

Here I sit in my robe, coffee steaming in my favorite mug, with my dog at my feet... all is good in the world... Asia is off playing tennis and we managed to get out of standing in the rain to watch soccer this morning - S. has a pretty nasty cold so we'll stay home in our cozy house instead. I've been thinking a lot about God's love this week... how generous and giving and lavish it is. So much of the teaching I've received over my life has been more about being a certain type of person. Being good. Being a servant. Being a gift user. Being a christian. Being a member of a church.... In all the being, I've forgotten to enjoy the very One who gives me my being. The One in whose image I was created. The One who loves me so much that He became like me so I could SEE HIM. "How great is the love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called the children of God." There is nothing wrong with being any of those things I listed. It's just that so of...